In this article we interview Goodday, a submissive male on his lifelong journey in submission and his surrender to the divine feminine. Continue reading “Interview: Living a life respecting the divine feminine”
Category: Interviews
Single Dominant women – how to approach them
Queen Stacey is a single Dominant woman. I recently asked her about how men should approach a Domme to increase their chances of success, as well as her unique approach to Female Led Relationships and Female Domination.
Thank you to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always been as I am. I have a dominant personality in everything I do. There was never a time in My life I wanted anything else. I have always either been single, with a stable or in a long-term relationship. I tied up my first boyfriend and edged him for hours. I was a little virgin, but I knew that was the way it was supposed to be.
How would you describe your own personal style of Female Domination?
I have never, ever considered My style. I like what I like. I have My own preferences, but I tend to like different things with different boys. It’s a dynamic that must be examined to find where interests overlap. I am low protocol.
For those not familiar with the term, can do describe “low protocol”?
Low protocol means I expect certain reactions to certain commands verbal or otherwise. I will drop a boy to his knees at any moment I choose for example.
What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
I’m probably not the best person to give advice because I have no experience in finding Myself. As I have stated, I have literally always been Me, even as a sexually developing teen. In My relationships I have always been in control. I have always simply expected it. Therefore, I don’t really have advice for a woman who is new to it, because I never was.
What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I like alpha men; I just prefer them on their knees. My subs, and boyfriends too tend to appear very masculine. I like men I want to talk to, who have something to say. I have no patience for rudeness, not to Me or anyone else.
What should a submissive man do to impress you and stand out from the crowd?
Men very often reach out to Me with this same question, and honestly, I’m not sure. I can say polite conversation is important. Being able to keep up with Me is vital. I’m impressed more by an underlying spark, that is either there or it isn’t. I do have an interview process, and I joke that there is the written test, the interview, and the oral exam. It’s like sitting for the boards. If a man passes all three, I may accept him. I also may not.
I am currently single, which means I have multiple subs. I like to put men in boxes, like toys, and take them out and play with them at my discretion. I am their Domme, not their girlfriend. I play by My rules. If they don’t like it too bad. Now this is Me as a single woman. When I have been in a long-term relationship, it has been more FLR than anything else.
What should a submissive man do to keep you interested in the longer term?
Keep Me amused, and good luck with that.
A recent poll we ran on Tumblr suggests that many men have expressed their submissive feelings towards their partner, yet their partner has yet to fully grasp the reigns of the relationship and taken control. The FLR is stuck in limbo. Have you any suggestions for couples in this predicament?
Leave- you cannot force something that isn’t there. There is no changing anyone’s fundamental personality. I hate inauthenticity. It makes Me want to vomit. The wife who acts like a Domina on a Saturday night to appease her husband just makes us look bad. Do not get Me started on pros, or fins… Prostitution is just repulsive to Me, it is subservient like porn, where costumed women perform for the consumption of men.
Your interview process – What hoops do you put potential suitors through?
Again, the written test, generally a lengthy text conversation. Then we meet publicly and very vanilla. I have a direct conversation with them regarding limits etc. Then I agree to meet, and play. I am very careful not to dive headfirst into the deep end of things until I am completely comfortable. They must be brought to everything slowly. I am not going to ever be someone they talk about in therapy.
What advice would you give to sub men who are unsure about limits? Is it just a case of experimentation?
Declare them, soft and hard. Expect that sometimes they change. Be open about them.
You joked about an “oral exam” as part of your interview process, but is worship a key part of your dynamic?
Oh yes.
I don’t bother teaching these things. If he can’t or won’t follow instructions, I’m done. My adult daughter said to Me not long ago, “remember what you told me when I was young? If he doesn’t eat pussy like it’s his last meal, kick him to the curb” I told her no, I didn’t remember, but it sounded like something I’d say.
Men can be guilty of approaching Dominant women as though they are fetish dispensers, what advice would you give for approaching a single Dominant woman?
That attitude always irritates Me
Talk to a real Domme, not a pro, not a fin.. not some chick in a costume. She is not here to get your rocks off. you serve, not the other way around.
Great advice. Where do his fetishes and desires figure in all of this, in comparison to serving? If it was just about serving sub men would all be working for the women’s shelter?
That’s where communication comes in. That’s where having overlapping kinks helps! I have lots of kinks, and lots of things I won’t do. Dommes have limits too. I use his wants, his needs to get Mine satisfied.
So when approaching a Domme is it best to wait until asked about “wants”?
This is why there’s an interview process.
Thanks again to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
Feminisation in Female Led Relationships
In this interview Lady Alexa shares her views on Feminisation. Thank you to Lady Alexa for taking the time to share her opinions on Feminisation in Female Led Relationships.
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always liked being in charge in my relationships. I didn’t associate them as a Female Led dynamic, just the way I was. It was later on in the past few years with my husband and through the internet that we found a name for it and learnt some of the more fetish things that go with it. Which are fun.
Q. How did you discover your desire for feminisation?
I like to push boundaries and break social rules. I wanted my husband to wear some feminine articles to spice things up in bed. It took some courage to ask him. It escalated from there as I wanted to keep pushing on.
Q. What is the difference between encouraged and forced in the context of Feminisation?
For me, forced is the male fantasy game for which professional mistresses and websites exist to satisfy – usually in return for money. There’s no such thing as forced. Encouraged is what I do which is to persuade and encourage my husband to cross dress and be feminised. He sometimes requires some encouragement as some of my ideas might sound odd to the current social norm, so that’s encouraged. But he enjoys it too, so it’s not forced. He does need to be told still.
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning of FLR?
The single thing that changed my education was my blog (www.ladyalexauk.com). I like writing so I started to blog about the new FLR/Feminisation lifestyle I was exploring with my husband. We used the internet to look for more about femdom etc. but much was male fantasy nonsense. So, I wrote a real-life version which is far from the fantasy. This led to connections with others and joining other sites such as Fetlife. Through Fetlife we met other couples like us who were normal, i.e., they practised FLR but otherwise lived normal lives. Some of them have become our friends. This then taught us more about FLR.
Q. There are men who want to serve and submit, and there are men that wish to simply cross-dress, then there are feminised men in a FLR. How do you differentiate between the three desires?
I think it’s more complex than those three desires. You can be in an FLR without a feminised man. I also enjoy the power differential between me dressed and my husband naked, exposed or in very feminine clothing.
The idea of men who want to serve and submit is a complex question. Some want it as a game or a release from their male responsibilities, others are more submissive and others, such as my husband, are neither naturally submissive nor need release from responsibilities but just enjoy a strong woman.
I don’t know any men who are simply crossdressers without other element involved such as – fantasy, fetish, FLR, femdom, transgender or whatever. Although I don’t know too many and I haven’t done any proper investigation, so this is anecdotal experience. Another complex question.
Q. Who typically initiates a Feminised FLR?
From my experiences on my blog and with the friends I’ve made in the scene, it’s generally the man. In our case it was me and although I’m not unique in this, this seems to be less common.
There are so many benefits, in my opinion, to feminising a man. Everything from being more attractive to be more gentle and helpful.
Q. What advice would you share with men interested in broaching feminisation with their partner?
Be honest about what you want from the beginning. All my friends and contacts who live an FLR/Feminization lifestyle, the man admitted they enjoyed being feminised/crossdressing early in the relationship. The reason my husband is feminised is that I was straight with him about what I wanted. It’s a tough one and could all go wrong but you need to do it.
The other point for the man is to understand that it’s not all about catering to his desire to swan around in a pretty dress and feel good. What’s in it for the lady? She’s not there just to fulfil your fantasy.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
The same as above. Be honest about what you want. Also, both parties need to understand that the mistress/fetish site thing is fantasy, and this is a real relationship even if you only do it behind closed doors (as we do) or occasionally. A real FLR is like a normal relationship with care and affection, bills to pay and family and friends but with FLR added in as a layer over it.
Q. What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I find no qualities attractive in submissive men. I also find macho masculine men deeply unattractive.
I find men attractive who are independent of thought, have a good education and keep themselves healthy and fit. Men who are able to be comfortable intellectually and physiologically in an FLR and to appreciate the benefits to them and me in an FLR. I do not want to be asked what to do every five minutes by a pathetic submissive. I do want to be shown respect and my desires and wishes looked after because the man enjoys this and wants to see me happy too. Someone who enjoys the disparity in all aspects of the relationship but not because they are a submissive person but because this is what we both enjoy.
Besides, a submissive man is too easy. That’s boring. What’s the fun in that?
Q. Could you share a little of your dynamic, the life you have built with your husband?
The FLR dynamic we have created is quite similar to others we’ve met in the ‘scene’ and nothing like the internet fantasies.
Other than the FLR and feminisation element, we do live very normal lives. An important point is to state that our FLR / husband feminisation, is not public. At our ages, it would probably be too much for our families and friends to take in. The world has moved on and if we were much younger, I think it would have been easier. and I’d want our FRL / feminisation to be public.
That said, my preference even so would be to be more public, and I have broached this idea gently several times with my husband. I would like him to live as a female by outer appearances full time. He does not want to go public. Since this is a consensual relationship, I respect that and live with it. We do share our lifestyle with others like us and when we are alone at home.
That said, I no longer use my husband’s male name or male gender although in public I revert to dear or darling. Otherwise, I will call her Alice or more often girl or girly. I also use princess or petal or flower or other feminine names. I do this outside the home too although not directly in front of others. In conversations in the street of coffee shops or shops yes. She refers to me as Mistress Alexa or Madam.
We enjoy the disparity in levels in the relationship and the naming helps that. This applies to clothing too. At home I’ll wear normal female clothing, including trousers if I wish. Alice is not permitted male clothing at home or even female trousers and uses more feminine and revealing clothing, such as pretty miniskirts or short summer dresses. The more girly the better. I also ask her to be naked or exposed at home when the weather permits it. I like this too as it’s a great power play for me. I like that.
Alice makes the tea and coffee at home and makes and clears the table at mealtimes. She will curtsey when serving me anything. This doesn’t mean she is my slave and I also cook and clean too as we both have jobs and that’s only fair. But I am in charge of things. For example, I might decide to do the washing, but I’ll instruct Alice on her task, maybe dusting or ironing. I do spank my husband but never that hard. It’s more of a way of showing displeasure and control. We’re not into pain. Sometimes it is a light tap on her face other times on her bum. If she’s naked, I will also slap her not-so-privates. These are all really no more than little taps for small disappointments and not BDSM. They will be accompanied by telling her she’s a bad girl or something similar.
Finally, I can’t deny that our lifestyle has a strong frisson of sexual excitement about it. I get off on the power and Alice on the humiliation and submission. This keeps things fresh, and I love to think up new humiliations for her. That said, my husband is not what would be thought about as submissive and externally it would be a surprise to many. I think no one would be surprised at me.
Thank you to Lady Alexa for sharing her views, learn more at HTTP://ladyalexaflr.tumblr.com or www.ladyalexauk.com.
Realistic Female Led Relationships
In this interview Miss Mira expresses her views on “Realistic” Female Led Relationships. Thank you to Miss Mira for taking the time to share her opinions.
Realistic Female led Relationships
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
It wasn’t a sudden discovery or even something that I always had. It was rather the result of a series of fortunate experiments. My first experiment in D/s was with a close female friend. She was submissive and she “lured” me into it and although I knew about BDSM on shallow level, I never thought I would get into it, but since that first clumsy experiment it felt so natural and satisfying.
From that point I did a lot of reading about BDSM, but it was a relatively long while until I had another D/s relationship, and it was with a boy. This time I was the “luring” party. I was clearly the dominant in that relationship, and although it was not an FLR, it was at that point that I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be the leader in all aspects regardless of the gender or the partner. Seeking a FLR is not about feminism although I’m a feminist. It is simply seeking something I know I enjoy; I know I deserve, and most importantly I know I can handle.
Q. You have written about your man having humility towards you, could you describe why this is important to you?
I think it is important for the relationship more than it is important to me. The suitable partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role. Of course, their humility does not contradict with my respect to them. Humility is not degrading.
Q. You have written about fetish-oriented men approaching you looking to have their kinks explored, versus those genuine submissive men wishing to serve selflessly and dedicate their life to pleasing a dominant. How would you recommend men learn about their difference?
I think the difference is self-explanatory, but in any case, anyone who is willing to make the effort to find a compatible partner can find a lot of resources online, FetLife for example. BDSM is a very vivid and exciting spectrum, and I encourage everyone to read more about in parallel to experimenting to know themselves better and to discover more dimensions of the scene.
Realistic Female Led Relationships by Miss Mira
1. You will adore me, yet I’m not a Goddess, and you are not a slave. I’m mortal. You’re free.
2. You are a normal human being who is submissive and obedient to me.
3. I expect submission and obedience, not because my submissive partner is pathetic or a loser, as I can’t be with such.
4. You have your own job outside, and you are a maid/servant inside. You’d make my coffee and my laundry… because it is your job, that’s not role play. When I ask you to fetch me water or to make me a sandwich I would do it nicely. Like I would do with a regular maid.
5. My partner will speak very politely when they address me, but they don’t call me “Miss” or such, and I don’t call them “slave” or such.
6. Although I may have you kiss my shoes to help you find humility, but when you will clean my shoes it will be with a brush and a cloth, not with your tongue.
7. I may collar/leash/cage you and have you crawl when I feel like it, yet you are not a dog.
8. I’m not mean, and I don’t bark orders. I don’t need to.
9. I have my own job outside, and I enjoy your service inside. I set the rules. I may ask your opinion/advice, but the final decision is mine.
10. My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. That doesn’t mean that we won’t joke, fool around, watch a movie, ride a bike, etc… I cannot imagine living without such things, and no it doesn’t contradict with the hierarchy or the D/s dynamic. For instance, does having a friendly/casual boss at work make you forget your duties?
Q. You describe your dynamic as your man having a job but being your maid and servant behind closed doors. Your cook, butler, waiter, secretary and errand boy. You would respect his opinion and advice but ultimately you are final decision maker. How would you recommend that women build their own ideal dynamic?
I don’t consider myself experienced enough to make recommendations, but every person male or female should first understand themselves and what they want, and then set a suitable plan accordingly. I knew I wanted FLR from my experiences and from reading about it. I knew I can take that responsibility, because of my character and my experience in life. I was still 17 years old when I lived abroad to study, and I have been independent ever since.
Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about Female Led Relationships?
To be honest I don’t even remember the first time I discovered the term, but there’s a ton of articles and literature online. In addition to reading, I think the most useful tool was my sceptical mind. I didn’t take everything I read for granted.
Q . What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
Again, I don’t consider myself an expert, but my opinion is that there is no FLR bible, reading is good, experimenting with reading is even better, but the most important thing is that every person be able to make their own customized dynamic that is suitable for their desires, character, circumstances, etc…
Q. How would you recommend a man expresses his desire to submit and serve a woman who is not familiar with Female Led Relationships?
To men who are genuinely interested in FLR, first please make sure know what FLR is to be sure you are interested in it. I think doing little favours, tasks, chores for the woman would be a nice way to start. I know I appreciate that myself. Definitely don’t start by telling her about what you want to do to her feet. Little normal tasks – be useful.
Q. What led you to setup a profile Fetlife? Can you describe the network to those not familiar?
I knew about FL from before. I had an account and I used it to follow events and kinky friends when I was abroad. I was away from FL for a long time and decided to go back perhaps to find a suitable partner, and if not at least to express my thoughts and wishes about realistic D/s dynamics.
The network as I understand it is a BDSM oriented platform that is a mixture of a Reddit and Facebook. Behind every username there is a real person, so we should remember that and act accordingly when we communicate whether in messages or comments.
Thank you to Miss Mira for sharing her views.
The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed he is
Thank you to Mistress and Tyler for sharing intimate details about their Female Led Relationship dynamic.
It all started when Tyler admitted to his wife that he had self control issues, then asked his wife if she would consider a Female Led Relationship.
Here, Mistress tells us about their dynamic:
Q. It seems your dynamic started via your partner pleading for help. Can you describe how you felt when he first expressed his desire for your control?
At first I was nervous because it was something new to our relationship, And I was told all my life if I acted bossy and demanding I would never find a man to love. This was a very delicate process and situation because of all his past traumas in his youth. So I didn’t want to overly react either way too much and cause him to push away. So I let him explain and I proceeded to process it all with caution.
Q. Did you have any inklings towards Dominance before his confession?
Yes I am a natural at being in control and being bossy. I have found that in any group situations or employment I have had, I naturally became the leader after a very short period of time. But in our relationship, I was always nervous because of his past.
Q. What advice would you give to men considering approaching their partner to confess their porn or masturbation habits?
Time & Place is crucial!! It really is important to be honest but also have it built up too. Meaning, start opening up conversations with her about yourself and thoughts. Make sure you are committed to being loyal to this change before saying it to her, be careful what you wish for!
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning about Female Led Relationships?
I have tried a few books, websites and podcasts. Some were ok but not many. Mainly because each relationship is different and what works for us may not work for you. However I believe open communication with my sub about limits and how it fits in our relationship and our daily routines is paramount.
Q. Chastity and punishment seem to be key pillars in your relationship, for those new to this topic, how do these elements work and how do they benefit you?
Chastity helps bring focus back to us. And with chastity being mandated at all times. It reinforced the reminder that although something is attached to his body, it no longer belongs to him. Had he been able to make better judgements all those years he had control, then we wouldn’t have come to this situation in the first place. ( I am glad it has turned out this way however) and wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is ownership over his sacred body part. It shows commitment to our values and lifestyle. Punishments enforces boundaries/ Rules set forth in our ever evolving relationship and lifestyle. It assures him that all things and behavior’s matter.
Q. How does his behaviour change after a prolonged period of chastity?
The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed to my needs above all else. And as he is more focused on me he becomes, the more I give him attention. Plus he gets into a space where he stops worrying about his needs and really becomes very super submissive.
Q. One of your tumblr pictures (https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/post/627098363177943040/sometimes-a-reminder-is-necessary) features your man kneeling behind you, reminding him of his position in the relationship. Can you expand on this scenario and what it means to you both?
That picture I took was after a post sexual release for him. Unfortunately he is a very difficult person, post sexual gratification. It is something I believe most men deal with. They become unruly and sassy almost. Or at least he does. He was wanting to go for a run, yet his chores were not finished, he was talking with a little ego that bubbled up. So after dealing with the issue. I had him drop to the ground. And I decided to have him see where he stands in this relationship. And where his thoughts and unruly behavior post release gets him.
Q. Your man seems to have a thing for feet, How have you used his fetish to your advantage?
Yes this is something a friend of mine told me as we first started dating, and I never knew to what extent it was with him. I use them to arouse him , then deny him as I watch him become obsessed with them. It is asserting control over him and showing him his place at the same time.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a Female Led Relationship?
The importance of being open & honest with your partner is so important, I know it sounds cliché. But it really is! Have fun with it, life outside your home is so difficult, this is something you two share as a couple. It is what makes you fulfilled. Don’t shy away from letting yourself try different things that each other likes or want to try. It’s exploring what works and potentially what can take your relationship from 1 to 100 miles per hour in one moment. Also what you see in so many different places like tumblr, Twitter or Fetlife is not how it has to be, and much of it is just over blown to appear to appeal to men for whatever reason. It is about us Women and our needs. Take things at your pace not his or anyone else telling you any different.
Thanks again for Mistress and Tyler for sharing their happy marriage and Female Led Relationship with us. Follow their blog over at https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/
Interviews with real dominant women series: Lots of men have a real need to be Dominated
In this interview Charlotte shares her experience of an escort providing Female Domination services as well as how experiences with her submissive partner. Thank you to Charlotte for taking the time to share her views.
Interviews with real Dominant Women series
What did you learn about female domination as an escort, what did you learn about male behaviour? Presumably providing services for married men without a FLR dynamic in their relationships at home?
The main thing I learned was the number of guys out there that desire to submit to women. When I first started providing Mistress / Female Domination services I knew there would be guys out there that would want to book time with me, but I was surprised at the actual interest.
My clients range from all walks of life and of all ages. Most of them are happily married and love their partners very much. A lot of them used feel ashamed to be seeing me and feel that they need to explain to me why they are with me. They say that they have this desire to be controlled by a dominant woman even if it’s just for the short amount of time they are with me. A lot of clients have this guilt about being with me, they feel like they are cheating on their partners and being unfaithful. I strongly disagree with this mindset they have. At the end of the day they are not with me for sex (I don’t have sex with clients), its way more than that.
There are many very attractive escorts out there that they can pay for sex. With me, it’s a psychological reason they are with me, and that reason is their desire to submit to a strong woman, to give up control, to follow my lead and do as I say. I don’t feel like the guys I see are coming exclusively for a sexual release. I may grant them this while with me but its more the domination I provide and lack of control from them they seek.
A lot of my clients have told me they feel like they can’t talk about the subject with their wives or partners, so they seek out a female dominant / Mistress outside of their relationship to live out their fantasy or desire.
Some guys I have met have said they feel like they need to live up to the typical stereotype of what they see a man should be within a relationship. They feel like their desire to submit is something they feel is wrong or shouldn’t happen, “it’s not being a real man”.
One guy recently told me when he feels his needs to be dominated by a woman becoming too much, he books some time with me. He said he sees it as a kind of reset, so then he can go back to his family and carry on being the husband and father he has to be. When he sees me, he’s had to bottle up his feelings so much that he actually cries while he lets it all out.
Some clients act totally different after one of our sessions and have said they needed the time we’ve had. Now they can go about the rest of their day feeling less stressed, reset and more capable to face the world.
You were previously submissive. Are you now 100% Domme or switch? Does experience of being in a submissive position make you a better Dominant?
I would say I’m 95% Domme. There are the odd times when I’ve had a stressful day that I just want to give up control, but it’s me that tells my boy that’s what I need. So, I suppose that’s still me giving the orders and telling him what I want, so yes maybe I am 100% Domme now I’m thinking about it that way. There are still the odd things my boy does from when he was my dominant that I wouldn’t ever want to change. It’s just the little things he does naturally without giving it a second thought. One of those things is having me walk on his left-hand side. This gentlemanly thing goes back many years. Historically when a man is escorting a woman, he has her on his left-hand side, this leaves his sword arm free to protect her. I love he does this subconsciously and I would never want this to change.
I was my partners submissive for a number of years, so I feel like I have a very good understanding of what it feels like from a submissive position. I know the mindset of a submissive, I know what feels good and what doesn’t, and this makes me a much more complete dominant woman. With clients it’s different from when I’m with my boy, I know him totally. when I first meet a new sub client, I don’t yet know his pain threshold or what makes him tick. I take time to get to know them, I usually get an idea of the kind of submissive they are from the way they conduct themselves when we first meet. A truly submissive guy is very respectful from the outset, it comes natural to them. Their body language changes when they walk in, I can see they drop the bravado and they let go and you can see the real person come out.
It is a sad state of affairs that we live in a society where submissive men can’t be themselves and it’s not socially acceptable to be in service to a woman. If only female led relationships where more common place and discussed more openly. Instead I feel it’s seen more of a kink by people that don’t understand what it truly is.
Of the men visiting you. What was the most common thing you did, or they were requesting to get their fix of submission?
The most common request is typically that they want to have control took away and be restrained. Another common request is to be fitted with a chastity device for the duration of our time together.
A typical booking with me goes as follows; I great them and bring them into my bedroom before discussing payment and their request. That taken care of I have them remove their clothes and kneel in front of me while I explain to them my rules and what I expect of their behaviour. This is to establish the dynamic of the booking, the nature of how I intend the meeting to go. They are coming to see me for a Mistress / Female Domination experience and not for your typical escort services. They would then be instructed to kiss my feet to show their respect.
Once expectations have been addressed and while they are still knelt at my feet, I then will fit them with a chastity cage, blind fold or hood and wrist restraints. I would then instruct them to stand and offer me their hands which I would them cuff to the top of my four-poster bed. This leaves them in a standing position with their hands fixed above them. I would then move on to flogging, spanking, whipping them while having them thank their Mistress for the attention I’m giving them. Next, I move them to the bed and have them lay face down and fix their wrists to the headboard. More flogging and spanking before having them turn over onto their backs. What follows can vary dependent on the client, it could be nipple clamps fitted, cock and ball torture, urethral sounding etc. This I tend to customise dependent on the clients’ interests. What clients request can vary quite a bit and I try and accommodate the best I can for them as long as they have done as told up to this point. Some are released from their chastity and granted a release; some are given a ruined orgasm and some no release at all. The typical time clients are with me is around 1-2 hours. After, most clients like to spend some time chatting with me about their lives at home or work. This almost feels like they treat as therapy before they leave and go back to their lives.
It satisfies their need to submit to a woman and lose control, even just for the brief time they are with me.
Could you describe the structure of your FLR and any rules or protocols that define your dynamic?
We don’t lead a very strict FLR dynamic like some couples out there. I don’t mean to say that is right or wrong, it’s just what works for us. I don’t have a long list of rules that he needs to follow etc. we are around 18 months into our FLR, so we are still working things out and finding what works and what doesn’t.
The basics of our relationship are, he takes care of my sexual needs absolutely, this comes second to his own. I practice a chastity regime with my boy. He is caged the majority of the time. This we have struggled with this in the past, it has taken quite a while to get a cage that fits him well and he is relatively comfortable with.
He is only allowed sexual release upon my permission and this is something he needs to earn. I have a high sex drive, so he’s not usually caged for long periods of time before he’s released from chastity. Just because he is free from his cage to provide for me sexually does not mean he gets a release himself. I feel this is an important way of keeping him in a submissive state of mind. His release is entirely based on his behaviour and the quality of service he has provided me. I am extending the period of time between his orgasms all the time as the drop off in his submissiveness isn’t something I like. I want him well behaved and submissive and chastity is a time proven way of making this happen.
Our relationship has a good basis in BDSM, it’s something I love and I’m always looking for new things to explore. He is required to do as asked when required, I know he trusts me and also knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Well, nothing I know he couldn’t handle.
He takes care of my feet and nails; they are his responsibility. He provides me with pedicures, manicures and foot massages on a daily basis.
When he enters the house, he immediately greets me by kneeling and offering himself to me and kisses my feet. Similarly, when he leaves the house for work, he kneels and kisses my feet before saying goodbye. He kneels and asks permission before being allowed to enter my bed. He is expected to contact me during the day and tell me if his routine will change so I can keep track of him and know when to expect him home.
I’m not heavy into rules for everything, I personally find it too much hard work to control, and one of the benefits of a FLR for me personally are things being easy for me. But the rules he does have I strictly enforce.
How does chastity work with your sexual satisfaction? Isn’t a man ineffective in terms of an erection after he has been taken out of chastity?
From my experience this is a myth. With my boy he is more than effective when released from his chastity cage, he tends to be harder and a lot more sensitive to touch and a lot more eager to please me as he knows his performance is directly linked to me granting him release or allowing him to enter me etc. I find male chastity is a sure-fire way of getting the attention and satisfaction I require from him when I want it. He puts my needs and pleasure before his own and becomes very attentive.
As I said before when it comes to long term chastity he is always caged and only allowed out when I choose. So, he may not be caged for long periods of time before being allowed out for service, but once I’ve used him to satisfy me, he is put straight back into his chastity device. I am working on extending the periods between his orgasms all the time and one day I may not grant him to orgasm full stop once he has performed for me, but this remains to be seen. The reason for this is I don’t like the males drop in submissiveness after he as orgasmed. It’s a subconscious thing and natural behaviour for a male and it can take a couple of days for his submissiveness to build back up to a satisfactory level.
What has been the most useful thing when learning about FLR?
Research and talking to your partner about what you expect. There are lots of good books and blogs out there that can help you decide what it is you want from the relationship. I have read plenty of books on the subject and found the series by J.M Scott particularly useful. The books are full of really good useful advice and tips on FLR. They also talk directly to the woman on how to change your own mindset when it comes to FLR, this was really useful for me personally.
What would you recommend to women reading this who want to explore a FLR with their partner or find a submissive man?
Again, I’d say research what it is that YOU want from the relationship, once you understand what it is you want then to talk to your partner and discuss your expectations. I think it’s very easy to read some of the books and think oh wow if I want a FLR then I have to do all of this. That isn’t the case at all, you can setup your relationships however you chose. Cherry pick the things you want from the relationship and make it your own.
I found when I was researching that I was becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I read. I felt that to live this kind of relationship that I HAD to do certain things I wasn’t particularly ok with. Make sure the place you do your research is well balanced and well thought out. I early on fell into the trap with a few blogs that left me thinking I don’t want this anymore; I don’t want to treat my boy this way. FLR is like BDSM you can chose how far and what aspects you like. They are couples that only have small aspects of FLR in their relationship, to couples that go to the extreme. Find what works for you and build it up slowly.
If you’re looking to meet a submissive guy, I’d recommend attending some BDSM clubs and meet ups. I personally feel that trying to do this online could be difficult. You’ll get lots of attention from guys who just want to try it for the kink side and aren’t into it becoming a long-term relationship. This is very unfortunate for the genuine guys out there. If you do find a guy online, I think you’d recognise the submissiveness in him after talking for some time hopefully. Me and my boy have been attending BDSM events for years so maybe that’s why I’m more inclined to give the advice of attending meets. Just be careful girls and make sure he’s genuine.
Is your dynamic strictly a confidential dynamic behind closed doors or does it spill out into everyday life with family, friends, in public etc?
I have a couple of friends that know our dynamic and think it’s amazing, but mostly its behind closed doors. I’m sure people that know a FLR dynamic could recognise it when we’re out and about but on the whole I’m sure we just look like a “normal” couple. I’ve had a couple of people ask why we are so good a couple, and I’ll smile and reply it’s because he does as he’s told with a wink ha-ha!
It appears from your Tumblr blog that you are open to approaches from other men, if this is the case is this for service or cuckolding your partner?
Yes, this was something I wanted to experiment with, I am very much attracted to the Hotwife / cuckold dynamic. I find it a big turn on and so does my boy, but in reality, I’ve found this to be very much based in fantasy.
During our relationship we have attended swingers clubs, had threesomes and generally been very experimental, but it has always been with my boy, He was always there with me. I actually went as far as finding a guy and going on a date with him but I was instantly turned off by the guys macho behaviour and lack of respect, in fact he was very disrespectful about my boy having made a few comments that he was not a real man or weaker than he was for letting his wife sleep around. I remember staring at this toxic excuse of a man and hating everything about him. I quickly ended the date and returned home and was greeted by my boy on his knees with a heart full of love and respect for me. He made me very proud that night. Submissive guys are not weak at all, they are strong loving gentleman with upmost respect for the women they love ~ Charlotte.
Interviews with real dominant women series: “Remember this is about what you as the woman wants and not fulfilling what a male partner wants”
In this interview Sarah shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR. Thank you to Sarah for taking the time to share her views
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
Like many women I was having difficult expressing myself in traditional male-led relationship where the man is macho and dominant. I hated all the egotistical and chauvinistic behaviour and found it toxic and oppressive to be around. This isn’t a generalisation of all marriages – but it was my experience of several attempts at traditional male/female relationships. They were not working out for me and I began to sense something within me needed expressing. I noticed from a young age that I was the bossy type and I received feedback from early flings 
relationships to confirm this. I soon discovered I was not only dominant but sexually dominant too.
I began to realise the reason my early relationships had failed was because the dominant side of me was not being addressed, I had no desire for a traditional male-led relationship at home. I’d never been given any information or a safe space to express that side of me and it was beginning to boil over and upset the traditional relationships I was in. I soon learnt that I needed to find out more about this side of myself if I was to be successful in any relationships.
By this time, I was in my twenties and I started reading lots of articles, blogs and books on Dominant Women and in doing so came across the Female Led Relationship (FLR). I knew after researching this subject for some time I needed a FLR going forward and a partner that would support and encourage that side of me. I was sceptical at first and never thought there would be any men out there that would prefer the woman to rule the roost, I was so wrong.
Q. How did you find your current partner and what did you learn about yourself whilst looking for him?
Some girlfriends of mine were using dating apps. I was out one night with this group of friends having drinks and I overheard one of them saying to another friend she’d been chatting to a guy she liked the look of, but she had some reservations because on his profile he said he was submissive.
This wasn’t sitting right with her and I could tell she had no knowledge of what that meant. She instantly thought it was weird and perverted and it was a shame as apart from that he seemed like a great guy and he was very attractive.
I didn’t try to correct her assumptions about submissive men as I still wasn’t comfortable sharing what I’d been learning about. The next day I signed up for a dating app, not necessarily to find someone but my interest was piqued by this report of guys openly identifying as submissive. To my surprise there was a lot of guys on this app with similar confessions, so I gathered up the courage after snooping around on there a few days to set up a profile. I made it in the normal way only I added that I was dominant and looking for a submissive type male. Then the flood gates opened, and I was inundated!
It gave me such a confidence boost and made me realise I definitely wasn’t alone in wanting an untraditional type relationship. After several weeks and dates I found my boy. We’re now six years down the line.
Q. How did you go from “inundated” with interest to filtering through to your boy? What advice would you give to other women looking or men advertising themselves?
I sorted through the responses much like you would for any other date interest, you know, location, commitments, character, looks, age etc just with the caveat that they must be submissive. I was somewhat naïve at that stage about submissive men and was probably very lucky to date and choose a guy that was genuinely submissive and looking for something long-term.
In terms of men advertising themselves, this is a massive area and I urge submissive men to do your research. Much has been written on the subject so if you are a sub guy it will vastly improve your chances if you have a well thought out profile and an understanding of how Dominant women liked to be approached online. There are hundreds of sub guys to every openly dominant woman which is a big problem.
You need to stand out and understand how to communicate with Dominant Women before attempting to contact one. I can personally attest to this situation as I run a Tumblr blog about my FLR https://female-led-couple.tumblr.com/ where I get inundated with male subs contacting me daily offering their services.
Good news then for the girls, we obviously have the upper hand and have a lot to choose from however you’re going to have to sort the wheat from the chaff and there are many sub wannabes out there just looking for their fetish fix. Hence the need for the well thought out profile and correct approach boys. Do your research!
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR? What should women consider when designing their own dynamic?
If you a woman and you’ve come this far and started researching the subject, then well done you! You are a rare breed of person that has the intelligence and courage to go against social norms imposed upon you from a young age and get out there and find what you feel will serve your life best despite what society expects you to do and act like.
If that’s you I salute you and you’re the kind of person I’d love to hear from and connect with. Us FLR woman should stick together, you know where to find me (https://female-led-couple.tumblr.com/).
The great thing about a FLR is there’s no right or wrong way and there’s many levels to suit your style. It is a FEMALE led relationship which means it’s all about you and your personal requirements. You can have a basic wife led style of relationship where you make basic decisions about the direction of your lives all the way through to a kinkier based FLR where he is totally under your direction and control. It is entirely up to you.
A genuine submissive male will support and encourage you, whichever way you decide to steer your relationship together. The levels of trust, intimacy and connection in these relationships is second to none and I couldn’t imagine my life without a submissive partner. It obviously takes time and commitment like any other relationship but once you’ve found your style and rhythm there’s genuinely nothing like a loving, caring FLR
If you think this all sounds too good to be true like I did then you’re in for a pleasant surprise, there are genuinely millions of men out there desperate for this type of dynamic and want nothing more than to support and serve you whole heartedly if you have the courage to lead him on your journey together. With regards to designing your FLR the world is your oyster its entirely about what you desire from your relationship and the direction you want to explore your dominance over him.
Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about FLR?
It has been great to feel that I’m not alone and there is a huge community out there which is very welcoming and inclusive. There is so much support and great information out there to help you when you start researching it’s like you’ve opened an Aladdin’s cave and a whole new kinky fun world to explore if you want to. The community is a treasure trove of information and has some amazing intelligent people out there. I’m still learning now 5 years into my FLR journey.
There are some great articles, blogs and websites like this one full of information out there and the community can be found on sites like Fetlife and Tumblr. Also, I’ve found some very useful books on the subject of FLR to get you started if you’d prefer to learn more that way.
Q. What qualities do you find most attractive in submissive men?
There are many but what stands out is his bravery and courage to turn his back on what society and culture demands of men these days. A submissive man is generally considered weak, a sissy or a doormat by people who have little knowledge of submissive men, they couldn’t be further from the truth.
Submissive men are brave and intelligent individuals who have turned their back on cultural norms to surrender and obey the woman he loves. They are rare individuals to be cherished by a woman with any sense. In daily life he is likely to be successful, highly motivated, creative, competitive, articulate and intelligent but alone at home with her he is submissive and only truly comfortable and at ease surrendered under her direction and guidance.
When out together in public he will likely to be chivalrous and gentlemanly around you, opening doors, giving up seats, carrying your bags etc. He will be interested in her and her femininity which makes him very attentive to her needs, very obedient and eager to please domestically but also sexually. Trust me you haven’t had an orgasm unless you’ve had a well-trained sub male down on you before.
Above all this however he’s yours to train, mould and lead in your own fashion, there’s nothing quite like it and once the dynamic is set and he’s clear on your expectations and rules no other type of relationship can get near the levels of intimacy and understanding you have between you. It’s the relationship you’ve seen other couples be in and be jealous off, good chance there was FLR or had elements of it naturally.
Q. How have you structured your own FLR? What rules and rituals are in place and how did you go from first date / getting to know you through to collared and compliant?
Firstly, you should know that my FLR is 5 years in and well established with a ton of research done before I even started looking for a sub. So, for some starting out this may seem a little overbearing, however once you start down your chosen FLR style you will probably find you will evolve and grow it as your roles deepen within the relationship.
I have quite a kink orientated style and a big D/s element to my FLR with total power exchange and domestic discipline entwined within it. So, the first thing I should say is I keep my sub hubby in chastity which is quite common with established FLR and require my sub to be naked and collared at home when he’s serving me. It maintains the Dominant submissive dynamic very nicely with little effort on my part which is how things should be for a woman in a FLR.
My sub takes care of all the household chores like cooking, cleaning and laundry and he has set rules and protocols in place to maintain our dynamic which he must remember such as kneeling before me and seeking me out as soon as he’s home to offer his service to me. There are lots of other techniques and skills I’ve learnt over the years to keep my sub in a heighten state of submission to me which I go into great detail in my Tumblr blog if you wish to know more.
Now to some this may seem mean or cruel, but I can assure you my boy has never been happier and is very content under my strict regime for him. I take his health and wellbeing extremely seriously and as such he is a very fit health man both physically and mentally. I’m like a life coach to him as well as his wife and MS as he calls me. We are both very happy with are arrangement and we talk regularly about our dynamic should either of us have concerns or ideas that need changing.
A good FLR is always evolving and adapting as you grow into it together and the orgasms and sex for me is off the chart amazing with a willing submissive male at my beck and call. As I said this level of D/s isn’t for everyone and you can have just as a fulfilling FLR with no or little kink as you want its entirely up to you and how you see the dynamic working for you. Get out there and find a submissive male partner, you won’t regret it I assure you.
Q. For women reading this that are curious and want to know more, what should they do first?
I think it depends on her personal situation. There are three possibilities here:
- Like me she’s fed up with traditional type relationships and is seeking a more female led arrangement
- She’s already in a traditional relationship and wants to approach her partner about her taking more decisions about their relationship
- Her current male partner has submissive feelings and has inquired with her about her taking charge of their relationship.
I imagine in either case she’s feeling a little overwhelmed at this stage but fear not, you are about to start an exciting journey and your home life is about to get a whole lot better. There is a huge amount of information and support out there in any of these situations and I would recommend reading up on the subject as much as possible to discover what steps you can take.
Remember this about you as the woman and not fulfilling what a male partner wants. So, for beginners there are really helpful books to get you started and J.M Scoot is a wonderful lady and has a three-part series called Practical FLR which I highly recommend she also has a Tumblr blog you can check out.
The other book/Manual I would recommend is Scarlet’s Guide (https://scarletsguide.wordpress.com/)
Always remember you are not alone and there is a huge community out there that would be very happy to help you out as best they can with questions and ideas. My door is always open if you want to chat, especially to women reaching out for support. You are about to embark on an incredibly exciting period of your life and I’m kind of jealous as I know what’s in store for you! Good luck and welcome to the FLR community. ~ Sarah
Interviews with real dominant women series: The most attractive quality in a submissive man? “his surrender”
In this interview Michelle shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR.
How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I did not ‘discover’ I was ‘interested’ in a FLR. But rather came to realise I have always lived a FLR at one level or another. Through conversations and reading material I realized it was naturally who I am and the way I have lived and desire to live.
I realized it was exactly what my grandparents and great grandparents lived. My great grandfather had told me about my great grandmother and their FLR dynamic. It was a matriarchy marriage, and he worshiped the ground she walked on and loved her with the depth and whole of his heart and soul.
She ran the businesses and was head of the house, and he worked under her direction and guidance and was happy to do so. He supported her and found her to be a great leader. Even in his nineties he could not imagine nor want anything any other way.
I realized it was natural, many people live this way, and it came natural to me to live this way.
What has been your most useful in your education about Female Led Relationships?
Finding the title for the lifestyle (Female Led Relationships) was a door opening to what I searched for and helped me find like-minded individuals and the FLR community. Without the proper terminology it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.
The material I read and people with whom I spoke gave me more direction, advice, guidance, reassurance, and I realized at what depth I already understood FLR and that it was natural for me. I didn’t find anything to be new or foreign to me other than the terminology and abbreviations. Knowing the terminology and abbreviations were essential in order for me to find like-minded men in my search: men willing to serve.
What element of a FLR resonates with you most?
There is not one element over another, it is the whole. When a man surrenders to a true female led dynamic, a woman can be sure he is fully committed, and she is not left wondering. She is secure and can let go of insecurities which may have been there otherwise.
What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
The structure of a Female Led Relationship brings balance and security into the relationship. Women are natural leaders. They lead in every aspect of their life even if they do not identify it or are not recognized for it.
The natural maternal abilities of women help them to make better decisions, thinking with depth and thoroughness. To multitask. Men do not typically have these abilities.
Women who lead in their relationship (FLR) will find the stresses and concerns they experienced in a traditional participial relationship will dissipate. The man will have his focus on her and her needs. His surrender will bring forth a level of intimacy and dedication that neither of them would have experienced in other relationships.
She will be sexually satisfied and have the security and safety which isn’t always present in a patriarchal relationship. It’s exhilarating, no relationship can compare to the depth of love, trust, devotion, loyalty and dedication a FLR can offer a couple.
Ideal qualities you find attractive in submissive men?
Their desire to surrender. Their attentiveness. How they use and practice traditional gentleman practices, simple things like helping her with her coat, getting the door, holding the umbrella, holding her chair for her, serving her food and drink. Making her a priority, attending to her needs, anticipating her needs without her having to dictate every little need, him placing her sexual needs before his.
These gentlemen are more focused on her and making her life easier. His focus is on her rather than on other women. He keeps his focus on her and trusts her decision making.
What are the key considerations when women design their ideal FLR?
While considering a FLR women will take many things into consideration. I can’t speak for every woman.
Although, in general, I do feel many women will be concerned if there will be resistance from the male. How much more work will it be for her and how time consuming it will be for her? Will it be more work for her than she already has? Will it be worth her efforts?
Many women do not realize that the delegation of responsibilities is up to her and for the most part she is doing most of the work already. With her guidance, her instructions, feedback and rules in place it makes it easier for the couple to know what is expected. Everything will be done to her expectations. Once he is taught how she needs things done life becomes much easier for everyone.
Women are great at time and money management. These two alone will be very beneficial to the way they live. When done to her exact specifications there will be less money and time wasted making life easier.
Women do not typically enjoy bringing pain to another living being, not emotional, nor physical pain or discomfort.
She must recognize that as a Wife, Mother, Nurse, Doctor, Teacher, (Her roles are extensive) that it is often painful for the other person she helps. Discipline and punishment as well as rules and requirements may not always be easy. However, she is administering these to those she loves for the better good of the individual, relationship and the family as a whole.
When she takes these into consideration, she will realize she is designing a FLR in which they will be living, and it will be in the best interest of all. She will create the perfect balance in which will remove obstacles and challenges which were in previous relationships or her current relationship if that is what she is restructuring.
She takes into consideration how her partner may not place her needs before his and how frustrated she is, how unfulfilled she is, not that she is selfish because a woman typically puts everyone else before her own needs. In a FLR she gets what she needs, and it brings balance to the relationship.
She gets 2 votes, he gets 1, and because she leads in a FLR arguments, disagreements, security, cheating, financial issues and wasteful spending, distrust, and other negatives dissipate. She takes it into consideration how to structure her relationship to eliminate the negatives and create the perfect for them relationship lifestyle.
Women typically take every aspect of a relationship into consideration, it’s not narrowly focused.
How would you recommend women explore a FLR?
I would recommend women explore the information available to them about the basic food groups of a FLR (Life choices, sex, money, housework, free time). Take what resonates with them, and they are comfortable with. Decide where they would like to start and approach their partner with a trial basis of let’s say one to three months of the woman being in charge at her level of comfort. Taking small steps to not overwhelm herself.
Most likely she is already making the basic FLR decisions in the relationship, it is simply not acknowledged.
She could write up a short list of rules to start with and present them to her partner with a full understanding that there will be consequences of punishment. Weekly or even daily discipline will be in place to ensure the mindset that she is in charge. Some men will not welcome discipline or punishment, in this instance it may come to the forefront that possibly he is not a good match for her.
Best,
Miss Michelle