In this interview Miss Mira expresses her views on “Realistic” Female Led Relationships. Thank you to Miss Mira for taking the time to share her opinions.
Realistic Female led Relationships
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
It wasn’t a sudden discovery or even something that I always had. It was rather the result of a series of fortunate experiments. My first experiment in D/s was with a close female friend. She was submissive and she “lured” me into it and although I knew about BDSM on shallow level, I never thought I would get into it, but since that first clumsy experiment it felt so natural and satisfying.
From that point I did a lot of reading about BDSM, but it was a relatively long while until I had another D/s relationship, and it was with a boy. This time I was the “luring” party. I was clearly the dominant in that relationship, and although it was not an FLR, it was at that point that I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be the leader in all aspects regardless of the gender or the partner. Seeking a FLR is not about feminism although I’m a feminist. It is simply seeking something I know I enjoy; I know I deserve, and most importantly I know I can handle.
Q. You have written about your man having humility towards you, could you describe why this is important to you?
I think it is important for the relationship more than it is important to me. The suitable partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role. Of course, their humility does not contradict with my respect to them. Humility is not degrading.
Q. You have written about fetish-oriented men approaching you looking to have their kinks explored, versus those genuine submissive men wishing to serve selflessly and dedicate their life to pleasing a dominant. How would you recommend men learn about their difference?
I think the difference is self-explanatory, but in any case, anyone who is willing to make the effort to find a compatible partner can find a lot of resources online, FetLife for example. BDSM is a very vivid and exciting spectrum, and I encourage everyone to read more about in parallel to experimenting to know themselves better and to discover more dimensions of the scene.
Realistic Female Led Relationships by Miss Mira
1. You will adore me, yet I’m not a Goddess, and you are not a slave. I’m mortal. You’re free.
2. You are a normal human being who is submissive and obedient to me.
3. I expect submission and obedience, not because my submissive partner is pathetic or a loser, as I can’t be with such.
4. You have your own job outside, and you are a maid/servant inside. You’d make my coffee and my laundry… because it is your job, that’s not role play. When I ask you to fetch me water or to make me a sandwich I would do it nicely. Like I would do with a regular maid.
5. My partner will speak very politely when they address me, but they don’t call me “Miss” or such, and I don’t call them “slave” or such.
6. Although I may have you kiss my shoes to help you find humility, but when you will clean my shoes it will be with a brush and a cloth, not with your tongue.
7. I may collar/leash/cage you and have you crawl when I feel like it, yet you are not a dog.
8. I’m not mean, and I don’t bark orders. I don’t need to.
9. I have my own job outside, and I enjoy your service inside. I set the rules. I may ask your opinion/advice, but the final decision is mine.
10. My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. That doesn’t mean that we won’t joke, fool around, watch a movie, ride a bike, etc… I cannot imagine living without such things, and no it doesn’t contradict with the hierarchy or the D/s dynamic. For instance, does having a friendly/casual boss at work make you forget your duties?
Q. You describe your dynamic as your man having a job but being your maid and servant behind closed doors. Your cook, butler, waiter, secretary and errand boy. You would respect his opinion and advice but ultimately you are final decision maker. How would you recommend that women build their own ideal dynamic?
I don’t consider myself experienced enough to make recommendations, but every person male or female should first understand themselves and what they want, and then set a suitable plan accordingly. I knew I wanted FLR from my experiences and from reading about it. I knew I can take that responsibility, because of my character and my experience in life. I was still 17 years old when I lived abroad to study, and I have been independent ever since.
Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about Female Led Relationships?
To be honest I don’t even remember the first time I discovered the term, but there’s a ton of articles and literature online. In addition to reading, I think the most useful tool was my sceptical mind. I didn’t take everything I read for granted.
Q . What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
Again, I don’t consider myself an expert, but my opinion is that there is no FLR bible, reading is good, experimenting with reading is even better, but the most important thing is that every person be able to make their own customized dynamic that is suitable for their desires, character, circumstances, etc…
Q. How would you recommend a man expresses his desire to submit and serve a woman who is not familiar with Female Led Relationships?
To men who are genuinely interested in FLR, first please make sure know what FLR is to be sure you are interested in it. I think doing little favours, tasks, chores for the woman would be a nice way to start. I know I appreciate that myself. Definitely don’t start by telling her about what you want to do to her feet. Little normal tasks – be useful.
Q. What led you to setup a profile Fetlife? Can you describe the network to those not familiar?
I knew about FL from before. I had an account and I used it to follow events and kinky friends when I was abroad. I was away from FL for a long time and decided to go back perhaps to find a suitable partner, and if not at least to express my thoughts and wishes about realistic D/s dynamics.
The network as I understand it is a BDSM oriented platform that is a mixture of a Reddit and Facebook. Behind every username there is a real person, so we should remember that and act accordingly when we communicate whether in messages or comments.
Thank you to Miss Mira for sharing her views.
It would be nice, however I wasn’t treated very welcoming by any Dominant woman on fetlife or Reddit.
I know myself and would like to develop a FLR with a woman, so I found it disappointing that none were receptive. I was always polite and respectful, but didn’t feel like that was reciprocated.
I kept hearing how women were frustrated that the men they chose weren’t submissive after all, and there is was truly submissive and being dismissed by women because they assumed i was looking to get laid without talking to me to find out what i was about.
I think most relationships where the woman is dominant occur naturally because the woman picks a man she knows who will submit. I think that it seems like the man is the one who brings the topic up because he is responding to her and seeking a way to please. My wife started dominating me when we first met and she never expected much except that i do what she wanted me to. I never realized I was submissive for some women until much later in life. Now I am submissive to my neighbor and I do not live with her but she knows I will obey her and because of that she treats me special and accepts me, i am not a threat. Eventually my wife made me a total cuckold. At first it was just pillow talk and playing games. we were both virgins when we met. She started dominating me in bed and eventually entered my ass and before long we were talking about her fucking another man. At first it was just her and a guy but it grew and soon I was licking her while she got fucked. I do not doubt that there is a genetic part to this. My great aunts had nice husbands who they dominated and cucked and even had children by other men. The way the porn industry presents this is just wet dreams for certain people
I love Miss Mira’s realistic view of how to structure an FLR. It mirrors my own thoughts pretty closely.