Five parts of a man’s life women can dominate within a Female Led Relationship

Women can dominate men’s life in different ways within a Female Led Relationship.

I found the About FLR website a useful resource when I was learning about Female Led Relationships. In particular, I liked the five food groups. It’s useful when a man is maturing as a submissive and waking up to the fact that a FLR is about service first, not kink.

In fact, I would argue that any couple, within a FLR or not, should discuss the five food groups before a long term relationship, and certainly before living together.

The basic premise is that a couple will argue and friction stems from five key areas, and by discussing and conceding the lead on these five areas to the Female Dominant, the couple has a much more peaceful dynamic and deep understanding of their roles. It’s not a prescriptive formula – but great for discussion, especially when starting out.

The Five Food groups described by AboutFLR are Money, Life Direction,  Free Time, Housework and Sex. The website recommends that the Dominant decides how much control she wishes to exert over these five areas dependent on HER wishes.

It might be simple high level oversight or tight micromanagement or somewhere in between. Her decision. Again, to stress it’s just for stimulating conversation on topics that couples argue most about, it’s not a prescription.

The five food groups are as follows:

Women can dominate the money:

For me this has nothing to do with “Findomme” or fetishising money or power, but simply that the Dominant might want to exert her control over financial decision making. Maybe from complete control and allowing the male submissive husband an allowance or just approval for major purchases, whatever level of control she desires. Money is a huge area of conflict for many couples, so the man conceding final power to the woman makes for a much more harmonious relationship.

woman can dominate men when it comes to finances
Conflicts are reduced when women are in charge of money

Women can dominate life direction:

Women should take the lead in major decision making – making decisions in the interests of the couple

Life direction refers to major life decisions such as moving house, changing jobs or moving to another area. Again, as with money, another source of potential conflict. In some Female Led Relationships the woman has final say on overall life direction and the major decisions of the couple. The submissive man might voice his opinion respectfully, but ultimately the Dominant has final say and makes the decisions for both of them. If the man’s opinion differs from his Dominant, he concedes to her authority because he knows she will make a decision in the best interests of the couple.

Women can dominate his free time:

This area might create a source of conflict for some couples. What does the man do with his spare time? Some women in patriarchal relationships are sport or hobby widows, losing their partner for an entire weekend playing sports or pursuing their interests. In contrast, in a Female Led Dynamic the female leader might decide how he spends his time. Cleaning the house or pampering her perhaps! Pursuing interests might be a special treat for good behaviour. Whatever happens, the woman decides. Her control and smarter decision making strengthens the relationship for both of them.

Women can dominate recreation time

Women can delegate the housework

In a female dominated relationship the man lives to serve the woman’s needs and make her life easier. She may choose that he helps with housework, that he does the items she doesn’t enjoy doing, or for some couples the Woman outsources all housework, chores and life admin to her submissive husband. Anything to make her happy. A man can follow lists and standing orders, with periodic checks for quality, whilst the woman can either relax or get on with something more interesting.

women can dominate
Women should delegate housework, life admin and other menial tasks to their submissive male partners

Women can dominate in the bedroom:

Finally, the woman’s pleasure comes first in a female led relationship. Sex is always on her terms and focussed on her pleasure or what she wants to do. For many couples in a Female Led Dynamic the woman decides if or when the man receives pleasure or an orgasm. Some couples use chastity devices as a means of emphasising the woman’s power. In this instance a man can’t even get an erection without her permission. Submissive men can be trained to provide sexual service to their partner without any need for reciprocation for the man. The submissive man in a FLR should always accept his partner’s advances, learn her preferences, and always follow her lead. For many submissive men, to give is to receive, giving their Dominant pleasure gives them an enormous amount of pleasure.

women can dominate men in the bedroom within a FLR
Her pleasure and satisfaction is paramount in a Female Led Relationship

As I mentioned above, I believe every relationship, FLR or not, should consider these five good groups.

For some reading this, you might seem bewildered why a man might seek this servitude and slave like life, but for a submissive man, it is his life’s desire, to be under the command of a truly dominant woman.

The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed he is

Thank you to Mistress and Tyler for sharing intimate details about their Female Led Relationship dynamic.

It all started when Tyler admitted to his wife that he had self control issues, then asked his wife if she would consider a Female Led Relationship.

Here, Mistress tells us about their dynamic:


Q. It seems your dynamic started via your partner pleading for help. Can you describe how you felt when he first expressed his desire for your control?

At first I was nervous because it was something new to our relationship, And I was told all my life if I acted bossy and demanding I would never find a man to love. This was a very delicate process and situation because of all his past traumas in his youth. So I didn’t want to overly react either way too much and cause him to push away. So I let him explain and I proceeded to process it all with caution.

Q. Did you have any inklings towards Dominance before his confession?

Yes I am a natural at being in control and being bossy. I have found that in any group situations or employment I have had, I naturally became the leader after a very short period of time. But in our relationship, I was always nervous because of his past.

Q. What advice would you give to men considering approaching their partner to confess their porn or masturbation habits?

Time & Place is crucial!! It really is important to be honest but also have it built up too. Meaning, start opening up conversations with her about yourself and thoughts. Make sure you are committed to being loyal to this change before saying it to her, be careful what you wish for!

Mistress and Tyler

Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning about Female Led Relationships?

I have tried a few books, websites and podcasts. Some were ok but not many. Mainly because each relationship is different and what works for us may not work for you. However I believe open communication with my sub about limits and how it fits in our relationship and our daily routines is paramount.

Q. Chastity and punishment seem to be key pillars in your relationship, for those new to this topic, how do these elements work and how do they benefit you?

Chastity helps bring focus back to us. And with chastity being mandated at all times. It reinforced the reminder that although something is attached to his body, it no longer belongs to him. Had he been able to make better judgements all those years he had control, then we wouldn’t have come to this situation in the first place. ( I am glad it has turned out this way however) and wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is ownership over his sacred body part. It shows commitment to our values and lifestyle. Punishments enforces boundaries/ Rules set forth in our ever evolving relationship and lifestyle. It assures him that all things and behavior’s matter.

Q. How does his behaviour change after a prolonged period of chastity?

The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed to my needs above all else. And as he is more focused on me he becomes, the more I give him attention. Plus he gets into a space where he stops worrying about his needs and really becomes very super submissive.

Q. One of your tumblr pictures (https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/post/627098363177943040/sometimes-a-reminder-is-necessary) features your man kneeling behind you, reminding him of his position in the relationship. Can you expand on this scenario and what it means to you both?

That picture I took was after a post sexual release for him. Unfortunately he is a very difficult person, post sexual gratification. It is something I believe most men deal with. They become unruly and sassy almost. Or at least he does. He was wanting to go for a run, yet his chores were not finished, he was talking with a little ego that bubbled up. So after dealing with the issue. I had him drop to the ground. And I decided to have him see where he stands in this relationship. And where his thoughts and unruly behavior post release gets him.

Q. Your man seems to have a thing for feet, How have you used his fetish to your advantage?

Yes this is something a friend of mine told me as we first started dating, and I never knew to what extent it was with him. I use them to arouse him , then deny him as I watch him become obsessed with them. It is asserting control over him and showing him his place at the same time.

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a Female Led Relationship?

The importance of being open & honest with your partner is so important, I know it sounds cliché. But it really is! Have fun with it, life outside your home is so difficult, this is something you two share as a couple. It is what makes you fulfilled. Don’t shy away from letting yourself try different things that each other likes or want to try. It’s exploring what works and potentially what can take your relationship from 1 to 100 miles per hour in one moment. Also what you see in so many different places like tumblr, Twitter or Fetlife is not how it has to be, and much of it is just over blown to appear to appeal to men for whatever reason. It is about us Women and our needs. Take things at your pace not his or anyone else telling you any different.


Thanks again for Mistress and Tyler for sharing their happy marriage and Female Led Relationship with us. Follow their blog over at https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/

Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose

Serving women provides a great sense of purpose
Serving women provides a man focus and a great sense of purpose

Being obedient to a Dominant woman and living a life of servitude under her leadership can provide submissive men an enormous sense of calm and deep-rooted feeling of contentment. Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose.

His new role in life, when he becomes a partner to a Dominant woman, is to serve.

Through his dedicated service he gains great clarity about what his life is all about, why he exists, what life is for. He exists to serve her. His goal in life is to obey and please. By meeting this goal, obeying her wishes and pleasing her, he reaches fulfilment in his life. His life has meaning.

Many men get distracted as to what their goal is, perhaps by embarrassment at being submissive or the expectations of friends, family and society as to “what a man is”. True happiness comes from recognising that submission is natural and society expectations are toxic.

The role of the dominant is to remind him of his purpose and keep him on track. Like an overexcited puppy straining at the leash, sometimes a light tug in the right direction is all that is needed to remind him of his place in your life, at your feet.

From a dominant woman seeking a man with purpose:

“I want a man that understands obedience. I want a man that structures his whole life around making me happy. My man will follow my rules every day and will always be striving to please me. Through serving me, his life will have real focus and purpose. My man will wholeheartedly accept my training to make him a better husband. He will be my bitch, and he will gain an enormous sense of purpose, calm and wellbeing by being my bitch”

With this clarity of purpose comes an enormous sense of calm, focus and wellbeing. The submissive man has one goal, to follow her rules and be as attentive and considerate as he can.

Men excel under strong female leadership. Set him clear rules and boundaries and provide feedback on his performance. He is eager to please and be useful, use it to your advantage.

He can relax, knowing that she is in charge and she will take care of the important decision making. Of course, if permitted he can add his well-considered and polite input, but ultimately, he can relax knowing, as the leader, she will make the best decisions for both of them. By letting go of  major decision making and focussing on service, a submissive man can attain an enormous sense of calm and contentedness in his life.

For women wanted to lead in their relationships there are three simple elements to consider providing your man a sense of purpose, and therefore happiness:

  1. Set clear goals and boundaries – Be absolutely clear on what good looks like. Set him a definitive list of things he must do, the standards you expect and what he needs to do to please you. Don’t worry if this sounds onerous, it’s his job to create and maintain the list!
  2. Let him know when he has pleased you – reward good behaviour. A simple “good boy” and pat on the bottom does wonders to the psyche of a submissive man.
  3. Let him know when he has disappointed you – Be crystal clear about when he doesn’t meet your standards and has not pleased you and follow through with your own version of punishment.

Many women create unique reward and punishment systems to modify the behaviour of their submissive man over time. As with all things FLR, there is no right way or wrong way to do this. It’s your relationship and you are the boss, but it is recommended that you set standards and provide crystal clear feedback.

Finally, control is maintained by keeping your submissive in a subservient state of mind. Dominants use their authority to “snap” him into the right mindset. For example, Female-Led-Couple writes:

“He comes out of subspace to go to work or to go out away from me, other than that no, at home I expect and require him to be in a heightened state of submission and service to me. I keep him under my control when in my presence at all times. When he returns home, I simply click my fingers and offer my heels or feet to lick to bring him back under my spell.”

By knowing where he stands at all times, he can focus on pleasing you and following your leadership and live a happy and fulfilling life of service.

The joy of service, five ways to make the woman in your life happy

For men who acknowledge female leadership and the benefits of a female led relationship, here are five ways to serve her to make her life easier and more enjoyable.

As with all other advice on this site, these are just ideas, ultimately it is about making your partner happy and following her lead. It’s all about her; listen carefully to what she wants, what makes her happy and take action.

Five pillars of a female led dynamic:

  1. Be obedient

Simply put, do what she says. A female led relationship is not about the enactment of your male fantasies, it is the re-focussing of your entire life for the benefit of a Dominant woman. Male submission is not weakness, it takes great strength of character to openly accept female leadership in your relationship. It also means putting aside your ego, the norms in your upbringing and society expectations in exchange for living out your real purpose. Allow her to take the lead in all things, be obedient to her will, learn her ways, embrace her rules and preferences. Watch her leadership blossom as you concede to her growing dominance. Enjoy the immense fulfilment and sense of life purpose by focussing your life entirely on her.

  1. She’s the decision maker

Much conflict in relationships stems from disagreements over money, household chores or how couples spend their time. In a female led relationship, the man can relax and let the woman have final say on all major decision making. It’s not that your opinion is not important, just that your partnership is best if the woman in your life has final say on everything. She’ll make the best decision for the both of you.

She’s the manager, you are the subordinate. You work as a team, but ultimately, she is in charge. This open and agreed balance of power makes for a much more fulfilling and harmonious relationship. Major decisions or changes should not be made without her approval, let her take the lead and respect her decisions. Relax, knowing that she knows what is best for you, and just focus on your service to her.

  1. Do the heavy lifting

Do as much as the housework as possible, do it to a standard that makes her smile.

Being the leader can be tough, so shoulder as much of the menial work and day to day chores as possible to make her life easier. Real men know that the more they do, the happier their partner will be. Be a man about it and step up and do as much as possible so she doesn’t have to. Put aside chauvinistic stereotypes and do more than your partner, do it gladly and make her happy.

Especially find out the chores she really hates to do and make it your number one priority to ensure she never has to do them. Your goal should be that your female leader doesn’t have to lift a finger, doesn’t have to stress about doing things, so that she can focus on her leadership of the relationship.

  1. Learn

Focus on her, listen carefully to what she says, watch her reactions, be aware of what is going on. Be present. Watch for signals. What is pleasing her? Put aside your ego and accept her corrections and discipline as positive training. The better you get at serving her, the happier she will be, the stronger your partnership will be.

Look to continually improve, be a gentleman. Learn to charm her, romance her, continually surprise her, find new ways to show your devotion, to show you care. Forget who might be watching, what people might think, just think about pleasing her.

  1. Serve the Goddess

Set aside your kinks and selfish fantasies in favour of her absolute satisfaction. Learn to control your sexual urges and be a gentleman about it. Learn to channel your sexual energy, rather than focussing on your own self-satisfaction and selfish release, repurpose your life to focus on her satisfaction. Hand over control of your sexuality and sex life to your female leader.

Learn to pamper your Goddess outside the bedroom, wait on her, be her loyal and devoted butler. Proactively offer massages, fetch and carry for her, make her feel like a pampered Goddess. Do this – not as a means of earning rewards and your own selfish satisfaction, but for her satisfaction, for the joy of service itself. Give, and you will receive.

 

A female led relationship isn’t about kinks

A female led relationship (FLR) is not about your kinks. It’s about her.

A Dominant woman is not a fetish dispenser, she is a Goddess to be obeyed.

So you have a thing for feet? Great, so do many men. Maybe one day, when the time is right, you can have an open chat with your Dominant about it.

Until then, focus on obeying her, pleasing her and making her happy. She will explore your kinks, if she wants to, on her terms. She’s much more likely to if you are dedicating your life to serving her. Embrace her leadership and immerse yourself in service.