Single Dominant women – how to approach them

Queen Stacey is a single Dominant woman. I recently asked her about how men should approach a Domme to increase their chances of success, as well as her unique approach to Female Led Relationships and Female Domination.

Thank you to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.


How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

I have always been as I am. I have a dominant personality in everything I do. There was never a time in My life I wanted anything else. I have always either been single, with a stable or in a long-term relationship. I tied up my first boyfriend and edged him for hours. I was a little virgin, but I knew that was the way it was supposed to be.

How would you describe your own personal style of Female Domination?

I have never, ever considered My style. I like what I like. I have My own preferences, but I tend to like different things with different boys. It’s a dynamic that must be examined to find where interests overlap. I am low protocol.

For those not familiar with the term, can do describe “low protocol”?

Low protocol means I expect certain reactions to certain commands verbal or otherwise. I will drop a boy to his knees at any moment I choose for example.

What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

I’m probably not the best person to give advice because I have no experience in finding Myself. As I have stated, I have literally always been Me, even as a sexually developing teen. In My relationships I have always been in control. I have always simply expected it. Therefore, I don’t really have advice for a woman who is new to it, because I never was.

What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?

I like alpha men; I just prefer them on their knees. My subs, and boyfriends too tend to appear very masculine. I like men I want to talk to, who have something to say. I have no patience for rudeness, not to Me or anyone else.

What should a submissive man do to impress you and stand out from the crowd?

Men very often reach out to Me with this same question, and honestly, I’m not sure. I can say polite conversation is important. Being able to keep up with Me is vital. I’m impressed more by an underlying spark, that is either there or it isn’t. I do have an interview process, and I joke that there is the written test, the interview, and the oral exam. It’s like sitting for the boards. If a man passes all three, I may accept him. I also may not.

I am currently single, which means I have multiple subs. I like to put men in boxes, like toys, and take them out and play with them at my discretion. I am their Domme, not their girlfriend. I play by My rules. If they don’t like it too bad. Now this is Me as a single woman. When I have been in a long-term relationship, it has been more FLR than anything else.

What should a submissive man do to keep you interested in the longer term?

Keep Me amused, and good luck with that.

A recent poll we ran on Tumblr suggests that many men have expressed their submissive feelings towards their partner, yet their partner has yet to fully grasp the reigns of the relationship and taken control. The FLR is stuck in limbo. Have you any suggestions for couples in this predicament?

Leave- you cannot force something that isn’t there. There is no changing anyone’s fundamental personality. I hate inauthenticity. It makes Me want to vomit. The wife who acts like a Domina on a Saturday night to appease her husband just makes us look bad. Do not get Me started on pros, or fins… Prostitution is just repulsive to Me, it is subservient like porn, where costumed women perform for the consumption of men.

Your interview process – What hoops do you put potential suitors through?

Again, the written test, generally a lengthy text conversation. Then we meet publicly and very vanilla. I have a direct conversation with them regarding limits etc. Then I agree to meet, and play. I am very careful not to dive headfirst into the deep end of things until I am completely comfortable. They must be brought to everything slowly. I am not going to ever be someone they talk about in therapy.

What advice would you give to sub men who are unsure about limits? Is it just a case of experimentation?

Declare them, soft and hard. Expect that sometimes they change. Be open about them.

You joked about an “oral exam” as part of your interview process, but is worship a key part of your dynamic?

Oh yes.

I don’t bother teaching these things. If he can’t or won’t follow instructions, I’m done. My adult daughter said to Me not long ago, “remember what you told me when I was young? If he doesn’t eat pussy like it’s his last meal, kick him to the curb” I told her no, I didn’t remember, but it sounded like something I’d say.

Men can be guilty of approaching Dominant women as though they are fetish dispensers, what advice would you give for approaching a single Dominant woman?

That attitude always irritates Me

Talk to a real Domme, not a pro, not a fin.. not some chick in a costume. She is not here to get your rocks off. you serve, not the other way around.

Great advice. Where do his fetishes and desires figure in all of this, in comparison to serving? If it was just about serving sub men would all be working for the women’s shelter?

That’s where communication comes in. That’s where having overlapping kinks helps! I have lots of kinks, and lots of things I won’t do. Dommes have limits too. I use his wants, his needs to get Mine satisfied.

So when approaching a Domme is it best to wait until asked about “wants”?

This is why there’s an interview process.


Thanks again to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.

Feminisation in Female Led Relationships

In this interview Lady Alexa shares her views on Feminisation. Thank you  to Lady Alexa for taking the time to share her opinions on Feminisation in Female Led Relationships.

Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

I have always liked being in charge in my relationships. I didn’t associate them as a Female Led dynamic, just the way I was. It was later on in the past few years with my husband and through the internet that we found a name for it and learnt some of the more fetish things that go with it. Which are fun.

Q. How did you discover your desire for feminisation?

Feminisation in Female Led Relationships
The feminised man is more helpful, attractive and gentle

I like to push boundaries and break social rules. I wanted my husband to wear some feminine articles to spice things up in bed. It took some courage to ask him. It escalated from there as I wanted to keep pushing on.

Q. What is the difference between encouraged and forced in the context of Feminisation?

For me, forced is the male fantasy game for which professional mistresses and websites exist to satisfy – usually in return for money. There’s no such thing as forced. Encouraged is what I do which is to persuade and encourage my husband to cross dress and be feminised. He sometimes requires some encouragement as some of my ideas might sound odd to the current social norm, so that’s encouraged. But he enjoys it too, so it’s not forced. He does need to be told still.

Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning of FLR?

The single thing that changed my education was my blog (www.ladyalexauk.com). I like writing so I started to blog about the new FLR/Feminisation lifestyle I was exploring with my husband. We used the internet to look for more about femdom etc. but much was male fantasy nonsense. So, I wrote a real-life version which is far from the fantasy. This led to connections with others and joining other sites such as Fetlife. Through Fetlife we met other couples like us who were normal, i.e., they practised FLR but otherwise lived normal lives. Some of them have become our friends. This then taught us more about FLR.

Q. There are men who want to serve and submit, and there are men that wish to simply cross-dress, then there are feminised men in a FLR. How do you differentiate between the three desires?

I think it’s more complex than those three desires. You can be in an FLR without a feminised man. I also enjoy the power differential between me dressed and my husband naked, exposed or in very feminine clothing.

The idea of men who want to serve and submit is a complex question. Some want it as a game or a release from their male responsibilities, others are more submissive and others, such as my husband, are neither naturally submissive nor need release from responsibilities but just enjoy a strong woman.

I don’t know any men who are simply crossdressers without other element involved such as – fantasy, fetish, FLR, femdom, transgender or whatever. Although I don’t know too many and I haven’t done any proper investigation, so this is anecdotal experience. Another complex question.

Q. Who typically initiates a Feminised FLR?

From my experiences on my blog and with the friends I’ve made in the scene, it’s generally the man. In our case it was me and although I’m not unique in this, this seems to be less common.

There are so many benefits, in my opinion, to feminising a man. Everything from being more attractive to be more gentle and helpful.

Q. What advice would you share with men interested in broaching feminisation with their partner?

Be honest about what you want from the beginning. All my friends and contacts who live an FLR/Feminization lifestyle, the man admitted they enjoyed being feminised/crossdressing early in the relationship. The reason my husband is feminised is that I was straight with him about what I wanted. It’s a tough one and could all go wrong but you need to do it.

The other point for the man is to understand that it’s not all about catering to his desire to swan around in a pretty dress and feel good. What’s in it for the lady? She’s not there just to fulfil your fantasy.

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

The same as above. Be honest about what you want. Also, both parties need to understand that the mistress/fetish site thing is fantasy, and this is a real relationship even if you only do it behind closed doors (as we do) or occasionally. A real FLR is like a normal relationship with care and affection, bills to pay and family and friends but with FLR added in as a layer over it.

Q. What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?

I find no qualities attractive in submissive men. I also find macho masculine men deeply unattractive.

I find men attractive who are independent of thought, have a good education and keep themselves healthy and fit. Men who are able to be comfortable intellectually and physiologically in an FLR and to appreciate the benefits to them and me in an FLR. I do not want to be asked what to do every five minutes by a pathetic submissive. I do want to be shown respect and my desires and wishes looked after because the man enjoys this and wants to see me happy too. Someone who enjoys the disparity in all aspects of the relationship but not because they are a submissive person but because this is what we both enjoy.

Besides, a submissive man is too easy. That’s boring. What’s the fun in that?

At home I’ll wear normal female clothing, including trousers if I wish. Alice is not permitted male clothing at home or even female trousers and uses more feminine and revealing clothing, such as pretty miniskirts or short summer dresses. The more girly the better. I also ask her to be naked or exposed at home when the weather permits it.

Q. Could you share a little of your dynamic, the life you have built with your husband?

The FLR dynamic we have created is quite similar to others we’ve met in the ‘scene’ and nothing like the internet fantasies.

Other than the FLR and feminisation element, we do live very normal lives. An important point is to state that our FLR / husband feminisation, is not public. At our ages, it would probably be too much for our families and friends to take in. The world has moved on and if we were much younger, I think it would have been easier. and I’d want our FRL / feminisation to be public.

That said, my preference even so would be to be more public, and I have broached this idea gently several times with my husband. I would like him to live as a female by outer appearances full time. He does not want to go public. Since this is a consensual relationship, I respect that and live with it. We do share our lifestyle with others like us and when we are alone at home.

That said, I no longer use my husband’s male name or male gender although in public I revert to dear or darling. Otherwise, I will call her Alice or more often girl or girly. I also use princess or petal or flower or other feminine names. I do this outside the home too although not directly in front of others. In conversations in the street of coffee shops or shops yes. She refers to me as Mistress Alexa or Madam.

We enjoy the disparity in levels in the relationship and the naming helps that. This applies to clothing too. At home I’ll wear normal female clothing, including trousers if I wish. Alice is not permitted male clothing at home or even female trousers and uses more feminine and revealing clothing, such as pretty miniskirts or short summer dresses. The more girly the better. I also ask her to be naked or exposed at home when the weather permits it. I like this too as it’s a great power play for me. I like that.

Alice makes the tea and coffee at home and makes and clears the table at mealtimes. She will curtsey when serving me anything. This doesn’t mean she is my slave and I also cook and clean too as we both have jobs and that’s only fair. But I am in charge of things. For example, I might decide to do the washing, but I’ll instruct Alice on her task, maybe dusting or ironing. I do spank my husband but never that hard. It’s more of a way of showing displeasure and control. We’re not into pain. Sometimes it is a light tap on her face other times on her bum. If she’s naked, I will also slap her not-so-privates. These are all really no more than little taps for small disappointments and not BDSM. They will be accompanied by telling her she’s a bad girl or something similar.

Finally, I can’t deny that our lifestyle has a strong frisson of sexual excitement about it. I get off on the power and Alice on the humiliation and submission. This keeps things fresh, and I love to think up new humiliations for her. That said, my husband is not what would be thought about as submissive and externally it would be a surprise to many. I think no one would be surprised at me.

Thank you to Lady Alexa for sharing her views, learn more at HTTP://ladyalexaflr.tumblr.com or www.ladyalexauk.com.

Realistic Female Led Relationships

In this interview Miss Mira expresses her views on “Realistic” Female Led Relationships. Thank you to Miss Mira for taking the time to share her opinions.

Realistic Female led Relationships

Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

Realistic Female Led Relationships
Miss Mira and Realistic Female Led Relationships

It wasn’t a sudden discovery or even something that I always had. It was rather the result of a series of fortunate experiments. My first experiment in D/s was with a close female friend. She was submissive and she “lured” me into it and although I knew about BDSM on shallow level, I never thought I would get into it, but since that first clumsy experiment it felt so natural and satisfying.

From that point I did a lot of reading about BDSM, but it was a relatively long while until I had another D/s relationship, and it was with a boy. This time I was the “luring” party. I was clearly the dominant in that relationship, and although it was not an FLR, it was at that point that I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be the leader in all aspects regardless of the gender or the partner. Seeking a FLR is not about feminism although I’m a feminist. It is simply seeking something I know I enjoy; I know I deserve, and most importantly I know I can handle.

Q. You have written about your man having humility towards you, could you describe why this is important to you?

I think it is important for the relationship more than it is important to me. The suitable partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role. Of course, their humility does not contradict with my respect to them. Humility is not degrading.

Humility: “The suitable submissive male partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role.”

Q. You have written about fetish-oriented men approaching you looking to have their kinks explored, versus those genuine submissive men wishing to serve selflessly and dedicate their life to pleasing a dominant. How would you recommend men learn about their difference?

I think the difference is self-explanatory, but in any case, anyone who is willing to make the effort to find a compatible partner can find a lot of resources online, FetLife for example. BDSM is a very vivid and exciting spectrum, and I encourage everyone to read more about in parallel to experimenting to know themselves better and to discover more dimensions of the scene.

Realistic Female Led Relationships by Miss Mira

1. You will adore me, yet I’m not a Goddess, and you are not a slave. I’m mortal. You’re free.
2. You are a normal human being who is submissive and obedient to me.
3. I expect submission and obedience, not because my submissive partner is pathetic or a loser, as I can’t be with such.
4. You have your own job outside, and you are a maid/servant inside. You’d make my coffee and my laundry… because it is your job, that’s not role play. When I ask you to fetch me water or to make me a sandwich I would do it nicely. Like I would do with a regular maid.
5. My partner will speak very politely when they address me, but they don’t call me “Miss” or such, and I don’t call them “slave” or such.
6. Although I may have you kiss my shoes to help you find humility, but when you will clean my shoes it will be with a brush and a cloth, not with your tongue.
7. I may collar/leash/cage you and have you crawl when I feel like it, yet you are not a dog.
8. I’m not mean, and I don’t bark orders. I don’t need to.
9. I have my own job outside, and I enjoy your service inside. I set the rules. I may ask your opinion/advice, but the final decision is mine.
10. My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. That doesn’t mean that we won’t joke, fool around, watch a movie, ride a bike, etc… I cannot imagine living without such things, and no it doesn’t contradict with the hierarchy or the D/s dynamic. For instance, does having a friendly/casual boss at work make you forget your duties?

Q. You describe your dynamic as your man having a job but being your maid and servant behind closed doors. Your cook, butler, waiter, secretary and errand boy. You would respect his opinion and advice but ultimately you are final decision maker. How would you recommend that women build their own ideal dynamic?

I don’t consider myself experienced enough to make recommendations, but every person male or female should first understand themselves and what they want, and then set a suitable plan accordingly. I knew I wanted FLR from my experiences and from reading about it. I knew I can take that responsibility, because of my character and my experience in life. I was still 17 years old when I lived abroad to study, and I have been independent ever since.

Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about Female Led Relationships?

To be honest I don’t even remember the first time I discovered the term, but there’s a ton of articles and literature online. In addition to reading, I think the most useful tool was my sceptical mind. I didn’t take everything I read for granted.

Q . What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

Again, I don’t consider myself an expert, but my opinion is that there is no FLR bible, reading is good, experimenting with reading is even better, but the most important thing is that every person be able to make their own customized dynamic that is suitable for their desires, character, circumstances, etc…

Q. How would you recommend a man expresses his desire to submit and serve a woman who is not familiar with Female Led Relationships?

To men who are genuinely interested in FLR, first please make sure know what FLR is to be sure you are interested in it. I think doing little favours, tasks, chores for the woman would be a nice way to start. I know I appreciate that myself. Definitely don’t start by telling her about what you want to do to her feet. Little normal tasks – be useful.

“My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. Be useful”

Q. What led you to setup a profile Fetlife? Can you describe the network to those not familiar?

I knew about FL from before. I had an account and I used it to follow events and kinky friends when I was abroad. I was away from FL for a long time and decided to go back perhaps to find a suitable partner, and if not at least to express my thoughts and wishes about realistic D/s dynamics.

The network as I understand it is a BDSM oriented platform that is a mixture of a Reddit and Facebook. Behind every username there is a real person, so we should remember that and act accordingly when we communicate whether in messages or comments.

Thank you to Miss Mira for sharing her views.

 

Five parts of a man’s life women can dominate within a Female Led Relationship

Women can dominate men’s life in different ways within a Female Led Relationship.

I found the About FLR website a useful resource when I was learning about Female Led Relationships. In particular, I liked the five food groups. It’s useful when a man is maturing as a submissive and waking up to the fact that a FLR is about service first, not kink.

In fact, I would argue that any couple, within a FLR or not, should discuss the five food groups before a long term relationship, and certainly before living together.

The basic premise is that a couple will argue and friction stems from five key areas, and by discussing and conceding the lead on these five areas to the Female Dominant, the couple has a much more peaceful dynamic and deep understanding of their roles. It’s not a prescriptive formula – but great for discussion, especially when starting out.

The Five Food groups described by AboutFLR are Money, Life Direction,  Free Time, Housework and Sex. The website recommends that the Dominant decides how much control she wishes to exert over these five areas dependent on HER wishes.

It might be simple high level oversight or tight micromanagement or somewhere in between. Her decision. Again, to stress it’s just for stimulating conversation on topics that couples argue most about, it’s not a prescription.

The five food groups are as follows:

Women can dominate the money:

For me this has nothing to do with “Findomme” or fetishising money or power, but simply that the Dominant might want to exert her control over financial decision making. Maybe from complete control and allowing the male submissive husband an allowance or just approval for major purchases, whatever level of control she desires. Money is a huge area of conflict for many couples, so the man conceding final power to the woman makes for a much more harmonious relationship.

woman can dominate men when it comes to finances
Conflicts are reduced when women are in charge of money

Women can dominate life direction:

Women should take the lead in major decision making – making decisions in the interests of the couple

Life direction refers to major life decisions such as moving house, changing jobs or moving to another area. Again, as with money, another source of potential conflict. In some Female Led Relationships the woman has final say on overall life direction and the major decisions of the couple. The submissive man might voice his opinion respectfully, but ultimately the Dominant has final say and makes the decisions for both of them. If the man’s opinion differs from his Dominant, he concedes to her authority because he knows she will make a decision in the best interests of the couple.

Women can dominate his free time:

This area might create a source of conflict for some couples. What does the man do with his spare time? Some women in patriarchal relationships are sport or hobby widows, losing their partner for an entire weekend playing sports or pursuing their interests. In contrast, in a Female Led Dynamic the female leader might decide how he spends his time. Cleaning the house or pampering her perhaps! Pursuing interests might be a special treat for good behaviour. Whatever happens, the woman decides. Her control and smarter decision making strengthens the relationship for both of them.

Women can dominate recreation time

Women can delegate the housework

In a female dominated relationship the man lives to serve the woman’s needs and make her life easier. She may choose that he helps with housework, that he does the items she doesn’t enjoy doing, or for some couples the Woman outsources all housework, chores and life admin to her submissive husband. Anything to make her happy. A man can follow lists and standing orders, with periodic checks for quality, whilst the woman can either relax or get on with something more interesting.

women can dominate
Women should delegate housework, life admin and other menial tasks to their submissive male partners

Women can dominate in the bedroom:

Finally, the woman’s pleasure comes first in a female led relationship. Sex is always on her terms and focussed on her pleasure or what she wants to do. For many couples in a Female Led Dynamic the woman decides if or when the man receives pleasure or an orgasm. Some couples use chastity devices as a means of emphasising the woman’s power. In this instance a man can’t even get an erection without her permission. Submissive men can be trained to provide sexual service to their partner without any need for reciprocation for the man. The submissive man in a FLR should always accept his partner’s advances, learn her preferences, and always follow her lead. For many submissive men, to give is to receive, giving their Dominant pleasure gives them an enormous amount of pleasure.

women can dominate men in the bedroom within a FLR
Her pleasure and satisfaction is paramount in a Female Led Relationship

As I mentioned above, I believe every relationship, FLR or not, should consider these five good groups.

For some reading this, you might seem bewildered why a man might seek this servitude and slave like life, but for a submissive man, it is his life’s desire, to be under the command of a truly dominant woman.

The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed he is

Thank you to Mistress and Tyler for sharing intimate details about their Female Led Relationship dynamic.

It all started when Tyler admitted to his wife that he had self control issues, then asked his wife if she would consider a Female Led Relationship.

Here, Mistress tells us about their dynamic:


Q. It seems your dynamic started via your partner pleading for help. Can you describe how you felt when he first expressed his desire for your control?

At first I was nervous because it was something new to our relationship, And I was told all my life if I acted bossy and demanding I would never find a man to love. This was a very delicate process and situation because of all his past traumas in his youth. So I didn’t want to overly react either way too much and cause him to push away. So I let him explain and I proceeded to process it all with caution.

Q. Did you have any inklings towards Dominance before his confession?

Yes I am a natural at being in control and being bossy. I have found that in any group situations or employment I have had, I naturally became the leader after a very short period of time. But in our relationship, I was always nervous because of his past.

Q. What advice would you give to men considering approaching their partner to confess their porn or masturbation habits?

Time & Place is crucial!! It really is important to be honest but also have it built up too. Meaning, start opening up conversations with her about yourself and thoughts. Make sure you are committed to being loyal to this change before saying it to her, be careful what you wish for!

Mistress and Tyler

Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning about Female Led Relationships?

I have tried a few books, websites and podcasts. Some were ok but not many. Mainly because each relationship is different and what works for us may not work for you. However I believe open communication with my sub about limits and how it fits in our relationship and our daily routines is paramount.

Q. Chastity and punishment seem to be key pillars in your relationship, for those new to this topic, how do these elements work and how do they benefit you?

Chastity helps bring focus back to us. And with chastity being mandated at all times. It reinforced the reminder that although something is attached to his body, it no longer belongs to him. Had he been able to make better judgements all those years he had control, then we wouldn’t have come to this situation in the first place. ( I am glad it has turned out this way however) and wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is ownership over his sacred body part. It shows commitment to our values and lifestyle. Punishments enforces boundaries/ Rules set forth in our ever evolving relationship and lifestyle. It assures him that all things and behavior’s matter.

Q. How does his behaviour change after a prolonged period of chastity?

The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed to my needs above all else. And as he is more focused on me he becomes, the more I give him attention. Plus he gets into a space where he stops worrying about his needs and really becomes very super submissive.

Q. One of your tumblr pictures (https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/post/627098363177943040/sometimes-a-reminder-is-necessary) features your man kneeling behind you, reminding him of his position in the relationship. Can you expand on this scenario and what it means to you both?

That picture I took was after a post sexual release for him. Unfortunately he is a very difficult person, post sexual gratification. It is something I believe most men deal with. They become unruly and sassy almost. Or at least he does. He was wanting to go for a run, yet his chores were not finished, he was talking with a little ego that bubbled up. So after dealing with the issue. I had him drop to the ground. And I decided to have him see where he stands in this relationship. And where his thoughts and unruly behavior post release gets him.

Q. Your man seems to have a thing for feet, How have you used his fetish to your advantage?

Yes this is something a friend of mine told me as we first started dating, and I never knew to what extent it was with him. I use them to arouse him , then deny him as I watch him become obsessed with them. It is asserting control over him and showing him his place at the same time.

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a Female Led Relationship?

The importance of being open & honest with your partner is so important, I know it sounds cliché. But it really is! Have fun with it, life outside your home is so difficult, this is something you two share as a couple. It is what makes you fulfilled. Don’t shy away from letting yourself try different things that each other likes or want to try. It’s exploring what works and potentially what can take your relationship from 1 to 100 miles per hour in one moment. Also what you see in so many different places like tumblr, Twitter or Fetlife is not how it has to be, and much of it is just over blown to appear to appeal to men for whatever reason. It is about us Women and our needs. Take things at your pace not his or anyone else telling you any different.


Thanks again for Mistress and Tyler for sharing their happy marriage and Female Led Relationship with us. Follow their blog over at https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/

How to prepare a FLR pamper weekend

According to the Cambridge dictionary, Pamper means:

“To give someone special treatment, making that person as comfortable as possible and giving them whatever they want”

A Female Led pamper weekend is an opportunity to wait on your Goddess hand and foot and give her whatever she wants for the whole weekend. 48 hours of dedicated servitude.

Spend all weekend at her beck and call, serving, making her feel special, giving her whatever she wants, doing whatever she says. It’s a great way to explore a FLR.

For some Female Led couples, they don’t need a special “Pamper weekend”, the dominant leads what might be considered a pampered life anyway. She can click her fingers 24/7/365 and get what she wants.

But for those wishing to explore a Female Led Relationship further or wishing to rekindle female led feelings a Pamper Weekend is an ideal method to indulge in a full female led dynamic.

For the submissive man wishing to encourage his partner to explore a FLR – it is an opportunity to show his Goddess how he would like to treat her, serving her and putting her first at all times. The dominant gets what she wants, when she wants, on her terms and with total obedience. Bliss!

For the Dominant woman exploring or curious about a Female Led Dynamic, it is a good opportunity to experiment for a short period of time and get a feel for both the power and the enjoyment a FLR can bring without committing to a full life change.

This article includes some things to think about when preparing a pamper weekend. These are just ideas, you will need to tailor them to your relationship and dynamic.

Step 1: Send an invitation

FLR Pamper Weekend
Example of a FLR Pamper Weekend Invitation

The first step is to send an invitation. This turns it from ‘just an idea’ to an actual event. You can use a proper invitation card, a letter or online invitation. I created the image below using canva.com a free online graphic design tool. There are hundreds of apps and websites that do similar things. Whichever method you choose, make it special, make it a real event to look forward to. It means you are serious and it helps build up excitement about the whole event.

Notice on the image that the “menu and itinerary” are to follow. The goal is to build a magical weekend of service to delight the Dominant. The Dominant woman chooses what happens. This is not a shortcut to living your fantasies – it’s service for HER.

2. Understand her demands

Once she accepts your invitation the next step to build her ideal pamper weekend. To help her with this process build a menu of her favourite things to do and things that you think will make her happy.
For example I wrote the following letter:

“You are cordially invited to a personalised pamper weekend. The special weekend service will run from 8am on Saturday [Date] until Midnight on Sunday [Date].

Please let me know your preferences using this form so that a personalised itinerary and menu can be prepared. The goal is that you relax and enjoy a hedonistic weekend knowing that all of your personal needs are being met.

This document includes ideas for your pampering weekend. These are just ideas, please feel free to edit or add any elements you wish. Afterall, it’s YOUR pampering weekend.

The goal is that you perform no work or household chores over this weekend. You must relax, be pampered and waited on.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.etc “

I then included planned activities and activities available on demand.

Ideas for planned activities:

  • Being awoken in a special way
  • Breakfast in bed
  • Full body massages
  • Manicure and Pedicure
  • Shaving
  • Hot bubble bath with candles
  • Meals prepared and served
  • Day trips
  • Spa Days
  • Couples classes
  • Country Walks
  • Games etc.
Providing the Goddess in your life a weekend of luxury and relaxation

The goal is that these ideas inspire your Dominant to choose her ideal day. It’s a lot easier to be inspired by reading other ideas rather than staring at a blank page. You are making her life easier and also showing you have put some thought into it. Especially if they are things you know she would enjoy. It’s now up to her to decide, make this easier by printing out the options and giving her a pen to write your instructions, if she prefers.

As well as these planned activities which might take some planning and preparation there are also some “on demand” activities your Dominant might love to receive at the click of her fingers. Again, make this all about HER and not your kinks and fantasies.

On-demand service ideas:

  • Hot and cold drinks prepared and served
  • Snacks
  • Foot massage
  • Personal sexual services
  • Chores and errands
  • Dressing and undressing

Again, make it easy for the Dominant woman in your life to make her choices. She might surprise you with what she demands. It’s a great way to understand what she would really appreciate. Be prepared that she might tear up your ideas and create something completely different, but if you have chosen your options carefully she will appreciate the thought.

Finally, suggest a list of ideal meals that you will cook over the pamper weekend. Include aperitifs, breakfasts, lunches, dinners and desserts will all of her favourites. This might include pushing your skills to new places, but it’s all part of delivering good service.

3. Build a menu

Once she has instructed you of her preferences it is now time to build her ideal weekend. Write out the itinerary and menus properly. Again, like the invite this is to make it a special weekend and demonstrates you are taking it seriously and making an effort. You are telling her you WANT to do this.

Whilst she relaxes, be prepared to work hard to please her

4. Prepare and Deliver

The next step is prepare everything and deliver the pamper weekend. This is your time to show your devotion and do everything you promised, plus anything else she asks. It’s very likely she’ll enjoy the time in charge and be extra bossy, taking advantage of the offer of service. Especially as she knows it’s only for a weekend.

You are going to be busy serving so don’t forget to plan your day. Whilst she is lounging in bed eating breakfast in bed what could you be getting ready? What jobs could you do whilst she is soaking in the bath? You are going to be working hard serving her whilst also doing all the weekend chores like washing and cleaning so that she doesn’t have to. Forget about any of your own hobbies or social activities – you’ll be busy being her servant.

You might also consider buying a small bell so that she can ring it whenever she needs anything. It really adds a special magic to the Dominant/servant dynamic for the weekend.

Finally, you’ll need to manage your energy. The Goddess needs an obedient and responsive servant for her pamper weekend, not an exhausted zombie! Be ready for the hard work of doing everything and being at the beck and call of a Goddess.

5. Review and follow up

Finally, once you have finished the pamper weekend I recommend following up a few days later to understand her reaction. Politely ask the following questions:

  • Please rate your pamper weekend on a scale between 1 and 10 where 10 is the best
  • Please let me know what things you enjoyed
  • Please let me know what things you did not enjoy
  • How could the pamper weekend be improved?
  • And finally, would you like to book another pamper weekend?
Push yourself to deliver treatments and pampering for the first time. Learn new skills to please her.

As before, make it easy for her to respond by printing out the questions or sending them in a message for her to take her time answering. It is not your place to demand feedback, but if you ask nicely stating that you want to improve for next time she might give you some pointers. Most importantly she might also let you serve her again soon!

In my next article I’ll share my experiences of following this process to deliver a pamper weekend and let you know how it went! Let me know in the comments if you have any other recommendations for an ideal FLR pamper weekend.

Obedient Love Podcast

I recommend listening to the Obedient Love podcast.

The host, Ms. Viola Voltairine, mixes Female Led Relationship opinions and advice with her fantasies and fiction to create compelling FLR education and entertainment. All of this is delivered via Ms. Voltairine’s soothing and rather intoxicating purr, ideal for the podcast format.

I particularly like the currently evolving story “The Company” and really enjoyed listening to her thought-provoking discussions on chastity, service and feminism. Comparing the different perspectives of well-known Female Dominant authors and taking things to the next level.

The podcast is free and available at podbean, Youtube or just search “Obedient Love” in your podcast player.

Ms. Voltairine also offers paid “FLR Training” for subs seeks to find a Domme partner. The blurb on her website says:

“Viola Strepsata Voltairine is a Female Led Relationship (FLR) Trainer and a lifestyle FemDom running a 24/7 D/s household. Her classes train men to become the best and most appealing submissives that they can possibly be.”

Learn more here: https://www.patreon.com/cathexishouse or sign up for a free 3-day mini course here: https://lp.constantcontactpages.com/su/FecuSAI/FREECOURSE

Finally, Ms. Voltairine is working on a film adaption of the 2016 book “Finding love through female domination” by Renee Lane. You can learn more about the project and it’s progress here: http://artvamp.com/femdomfilm/the-movie/ and support the project financially here: https://gogetfunding.com/finding-love/

Amanda Graeff as Renee in an upcoming Femdom film directed by Ms Voltairine (Image: http://artvamp.com/femdomfilm/the-movie/)

Follow Ms. Voltairine’s updates on Twitter or Fetlife:

Let me know if you recommend any other FLR podcasts.

 

How to greet your Domme when she returns home

For many Female Led couples their dynamic is a private affair.

In public, the man might be a polite gentleman. The lady might receive the odd comment about “wearing the trousers” or “isn’t he well trained?” but otherwise their dynamic is a secret.

Then, behind closed doors, when the world is shut away, he is her servant.

So, the woman of the house returning home is a significant phase in everyday life, when she returns home and closes the door, the FLR lovers can truly be themselves. It’s an important moment to remember the man’s subservient role, reconnect with each other, and reinforce the Female Led dynamic.

This article covers some ideas to think about to make her return home as pleasant and relaxing as possible. As always, these are just ideas, what’s always most important at all times is HER needs.

Give her your undivided attention

Let her relax and unwind whilst you serve her every need

Imagine the neanderthal man, watching sport or playing on the games console with a beer perched on his belly. Barely acknowledging his wife as she comes home. What a dreadful thought!

The leader of a Female Led dynamic deserves your undivided attention and respect when she returns home. Demonstrate that you are utterly focussed on her homecoming in the following ways:

  • Kneel – Kneeling means, I am ready to serve. I am awaiting your instructions and giving you my undivided attention. I am on standby ready to please
  • Kiss her feet – a hugely symbolic act to remind the husband who calls the shots in the relationship. By kissing your wife’s shoes as she returns home you are showing her you know your place.
  • Show your love – nothing beats someone being eager to see you and happy that you have returned home. Show your love for her. Be happy to see her.

Charlotte says:

“I want to be greeted with a big hug then have him drop to his knees to kiss my feet. I then want him to offer his services to me and do anything I ask. Once instructions have been given, I like to sit on the sofa while he goes off and makes me a drink. Once he’s back with my drink he will give me a good foot rub while we talk about our day. It is his undivided attention that I like.”

Welcoming home the goddess

Anticipate her arrival

  • Have dinner ready, plan ahead
  • Ensure everything is tidy for her arrival, clutter free
  • Try to do all of your chores before she arrives home
  • Have a cool or warm drink ready for her

Silken writes:

“If I have left no specific instructions then I would expect My submissive to be kneeling, smiling with an eagerness in his eyes, waiting for Me to walk in the door. I don’t think there is much in this world more beautiful than that. A drink waiting, the house clean and the scent of dinner cooking will always be appreciated as well. An important aspect for Me is genuine effort… I want to know by your attitude and actions that you are honoured to be allowed to serve, and that you are focused on pleasing Me. If your actions are simply perfunctory don’t bother. The rest is icing, always keeping your Domme’s preferences in mind, if you’re given leeway to improvise there are endless possibilities…”

Don’t bombard her with your troubles as soon as she comes through the door

Sarah writes:

It’s nearly always him returning home to me and we have protocols. When he returns home, he must go straight into the shower, shave and put on my favourite aftershave I buy for him. Then he puts on his collar and must come downstairs naked and kneel at my feet ready to serve.

If the occasion is in reverse which is rare then yes, we do have a welcoming home ritual. I will inform him of my estimated time of arrival around an hour in advance and I expect the house spotless tidy and a bath drawn ready for me with my evening negligee and lingerie ready for me to slip into. He’s very creative around my bath scene with Yankee candles, warm towels, lotions and bath bombs etc. all prepared for me.

On arrival through the door, I expect him as before, clean from a shower, shaved, smelling of my chosen fragrance for him, collared and naked in his slave position facing the front door. This is on his knees nose to the floor arms stretched out in front. I open the door to him in this position and click my fingers which brings him up to his knees where I expect eye contact and a smile, I smile back but firmly point down and this will signal for him to kiss my footwear. He will then take my bags and coat while I walk in and drop anything else for him to quickly tidy away.

The house layout, furniture, decorations etc are in my style and is a very feminine space with a male servant there waiting for me. It’s very satisfying and a pleasing environment for me to return to as it should be for the female of the house. Its great if I’ve had a stressful day to come home to that and just drop everything including my knickers and be served and pleasured by a willing submissive male in my world.

Help her relax

  • Ensure the home is a pleasant place to return to, a place of tranquillity where she immediately feels refreshed
  • Don’t bombard her with your troubles as soon as she comes through the door
  • Make her comfortable
  • Don’t complain if she’s late or out with friends, your service should be flexible
Create a sanctuary for your Goddess to relax

Valeria says:

“We have a wonderful routine when I get back from work. I insist on a big kiss and a hug when I get home. Hubby then kisses my feet to remind him of his place in my life and takes my bag and coat. My favourite time is when I relax with a glass of something bubbly whilst he massages my feet, and we talk about our day. He then eats my pussy whilst I relax on the sofa. He is usually very pleased to see me and it’s always very hot to feel his passion. Hubby then makes dinner and waits on me so I can catch up with family and friends. He then clears up after dinner whilst I take a bath or watch Netflix. He loves serving me and I love his attentiveness. FLR is a wonderful dynamic.”

Make her life easier

  • When she returns home, take her coat and hang it up. Put her shoes away when she kicks them off. Make a mental note of whether they might need a clean.
  • Put her phone or car keys in a place where she can easily find them, does her phone need a charge? Be useful, serve her needs.

A good subby husband clears up after his wife and makes her life easier, when a dominant drops her clothes on the floor as she undresses, she should be able to relax knowing that her servant will not only pick up after her, but also clean, dry, iron and store her laundry without even asking.

Hopefully these ideas will inspire better service for when the lady of the house returns.

What ideas would you recommend to help your Dominant relax on her return home or reconnect with your sub? Please leave a comment below.

Interviews with real dominant women series: Lots of men have a real need to be Dominated

In this interview Charlotte shares her experience of an escort providing Female Domination services as well as how experiences with her submissive partner.  Thank you to Charlotte for taking the time to share her views. 

Interviews with real Dominant Women series

What did you learn about female domination as an escort, what did you learn about male behaviour? Presumably providing services for married men without a FLR dynamic in their relationships at home? 

The main thing I learned was the number of guys out there that desire to submit to women. When I first started providing Mistress / Female Domination services I knew there would be guys out there that would want to book time with me, but I was surprised at the actual interest.

My clients range from all walks of life and of all ages. Most of them are happily married and love their partners very much. A lot of them used feel ashamed to be seeing me and feel that they need to explain to me why they are with me. They say that they have this desire to be controlled by a dominant woman even if it’s just for the short amount of time they are with me. A lot of clients have this guilt about being with me, they feel like they are cheating on their partners and being unfaithful. I strongly disagree with this mindset they have. At the end of the day they are not with me for sex (I don’t have sex with clients), its way more than that.

Dominant women

There are many very attractive escorts out there that they can pay for sex. With me, it’s a psychological reason they are with me, and that reason is their desire to submit to a strong woman, to give up control, to follow my lead and do as I say. I don’t feel like the guys I see are coming exclusively for a sexual release. I may grant them this while with me but its more the domination I provide and lack of control from them they seek.

A lot of my clients have told me they feel like they can’t talk about the subject with their wives or partners, so they seek out a female dominant / Mistress outside of their relationship to live out their fantasy or desire.

Some guys I have met have said they feel like they need to live up to the typical stereotype of what they see a man should be within a relationship. They feel like their desire to submit is something they feel is wrong or shouldn’t happen, “it’s not being a real man”.

One guy recently told me when he feels his needs to be dominated by a woman becoming too much, he books some time with me. He said he sees it as a kind of reset, so then he can go back to his family and carry on being the husband and father he has to be. When he sees me, he’s had to bottle up his feelings so much that he actually cries while he lets it all out.

Some clients act totally different after one of our sessions and have said they needed the time we’ve had. Now they can go about the rest of their day feeling less stressed, reset and more capable to face the world.

You were previously submissive. Are you now 100% Domme or switch? Does experience of being in a submissive position make you a better Dominant? 

I would say I’m 95% Domme. There are the odd times when I’ve had a stressful day that I just want to give up control, but it’s me that tells my boy that’s what I need. So, I suppose that’s still me giving the orders and telling him what I want, so yes maybe I am 100% Domme now I’m thinking about it that way. There are still the odd things my boy does from when he was my dominant that I wouldn’t ever want to change. It’s just the little things he does naturally without giving it a second thought. One of those things is having me walk on his left-hand side. This gentlemanly thing goes back many years. Historically when a man is escorting a woman, he has her on his left-hand side, this leaves his sword arm free to protect her. I love he does this subconsciously and I would never want this to change.

I was my partners submissive for a number of years, so I feel like I have a very good understanding of what it feels like from a submissive position. I know the mindset of a submissive, I know what feels good and what doesn’t, and this makes me a much more complete dominant woman. With clients it’s different from when I’m with my boy, I know him totally. when I first meet a new sub client, I don’t yet know his pain threshold or what makes him tick. I take time to get to know them, I usually get an idea of the kind of submissive they are from the way they conduct themselves when we first meet. A truly submissive guy is very respectful from the outset, it comes natural to them. Their body language changes when they walk in, I can see they drop the bravado and they let go and you can see the real person come out.

It is a sad state of affairs that we live in a society where submissive men can’t be themselves and it’s not socially acceptable to be in service to a woman. If only female led relationships where more common place and discussed more openly. Instead I feel it’s seen more of a kink by people that don’t understand what it truly is.

Of the men visiting you. What was the most common thing you did, or they were requesting to get their fix of submission? 

The most common request is typically that they want to have control took away and be restrained. Another common request is to be fitted with a chastity device for the duration of our time together.

A typical booking with me goes as follows; I great them and bring them into my bedroom before discussing payment and their request. That taken care of I have them remove their clothes and kneel in front of me while I explain to them my rules and what I expect of their behaviour. This is to establish the dynamic of the booking, the nature of how I intend the meeting to go. They are coming to see me for a Mistress / Female Domination experience and not for your typical escort services. They would then be instructed to kiss my feet to show their respect.

Once expectations have been addressed and while they are still knelt at my feet, I then will fit them with a chastity cage, blind fold or hood and wrist restraints. I would then instruct them to stand and offer me their hands which I would them cuff to the top of my four-poster bed. This leaves them in a standing position with their hands fixed above them. I would then move on to flogging, spanking, whipping them while having them thank their Mistress for the attention I’m giving them. Next, I move them to the bed and have them lay face down and fix their wrists to the headboard. More flogging and spanking before having them turn over onto their backs. What follows can vary dependent on the client, it could be nipple clamps fitted, cock and ball torture, urethral sounding etc. This I tend to customise dependent on the clients’ interests. What clients request can vary quite a bit and I try and accommodate the best I can for them as long as they have done as told up to this point. Some are released from their chastity and granted a release; some are given a ruined orgasm and some no release at all. The typical time clients are with me is around 1-2 hours. After, most clients like to spend some time chatting with me about their lives at home or work. This almost feels like they treat as therapy before they leave and go back to their lives.

It satisfies their need to submit to a woman and lose control, even just for the brief time they are with me.

Could you describe the structure of your FLR and any rules or protocols that define your dynamic?

We don’t lead a very strict FLR dynamic like some couples out there. I don’t mean to say that is right or wrong, it’s just what works for us. I don’t have a long list of rules that he needs to follow etc. we are around 18 months into our FLR, so we are still working things out and finding what works and what doesn’t.

The basics of our relationship are, he takes care of my sexual needs absolutely, this comes second to his own. I practice a chastity regime with my boy. He is caged the majority of the time. This we have struggled with this in the past, it has taken quite a while to get a cage that fits him well and he is relatively comfortable with.

He is only allowed sexual release upon my permission and this is something he needs to earn. I have a high sex drive, so he’s not usually caged for long periods of time before he’s released from chastity. Just because he is free from his cage to provide for me sexually does not mean he gets a release himself. I feel this is an important way of keeping him in a submissive state of mind. His release is entirely based on his behaviour and the quality of service he has provided me. I am extending the period of time between his orgasms all the time as the drop off in his submissiveness isn’t something I like. I want him well behaved and submissive and chastity is a time proven way of making this happen.

Our relationship has a good basis in BDSM, it’s something I love and I’m always looking for new things to explore. He is required to do as asked when required, I know he trusts me and also knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Well, nothing I know he couldn’t handle.

He takes care of my feet and nails; they are his responsibility. He provides me with pedicures, manicures and foot massages on a daily basis.

When he enters the house, he immediately greets me by kneeling and offering himself to me and kisses my feet. Similarly, when he leaves the house for work, he kneels and kisses my feet before saying goodbye. He kneels and asks permission before being allowed to enter my bed. He is expected to contact me during the day and tell me if his routine will change so I can keep track of him and know when to expect him home.

I’m not heavy into rules for everything, I personally find it too much hard work to control, and one of the benefits of a FLR for me personally are things being easy for me.  But the rules he does have I strictly enforce.

How does chastity work with your sexual satisfaction? Isn’t a man ineffective in terms of an erection after he has been taken out of chastity?

From my experience this is a myth. With my boy he is more than effective when released from his chastity cage, he tends to be harder and a lot more sensitive to touch and a lot more eager to please me as he knows his performance is directly linked to me granting him release or allowing him to enter me etc. I find male chastity is a sure-fire way of getting the attention and satisfaction I require from him when I want it. He puts my needs and pleasure before his own and becomes very attentive.

As I said before when it comes to long term chastity he is always caged and only allowed out when I choose. So, he may not be caged for long periods of time before being allowed out for service, but once I’ve used him to satisfy me, he is put straight back into his chastity device. I am working on extending the periods between his orgasms all the time and one day I may not grant him to orgasm full stop once he has performed for me, but this remains to be seen. The reason for this is I don’t like the males drop in submissiveness after he as orgasmed. It’s a subconscious thing and natural behaviour for a male and it can take a couple of days for his submissiveness to build back up to a satisfactory level.

What has been the most useful thing when learning about FLR? 

Research and talking to your partner about what you expect. There are lots of good books and blogs out there that can help you decide what it is you want from the relationship. I have read plenty of books on the subject and found the series by J.M Scott particularly useful. The books are full of really good useful advice and tips on FLR. They also talk directly to the woman on how to change your own mindset when it comes to FLR, this was really useful for me personally.

What would you recommend to women reading this who want to explore a FLR with their partner or find a submissive man? 

Again, I’d say research what it is that YOU want from the relationship, once you understand what it is you want then to talk to your partner and discuss your expectations. I think it’s very easy to read some of the books and think oh wow if I want a FLR then I have to do all of this. That isn’t the case at all, you can setup your relationships however you chose. Cherry pick the things you want from the relationship and make it your own.

I found when I was researching that I was becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I read. I felt that to live this kind of relationship that I HAD to do certain things I wasn’t particularly ok with. Make sure the place you do your research is well balanced and well thought out. I early on fell into the trap with a few blogs that left me thinking I don’t want this anymore; I don’t want to treat my boy this way. FLR is like BDSM you can chose how far and what aspects you like. They are couples that only have small aspects of FLR in their relationship, to couples that go to the extreme. Find what works for you and build it up slowly.

If you’re looking to meet a submissive guy, I’d recommend attending some BDSM clubs and meet ups. I personally feel that trying to do this online could be difficult. You’ll get lots of attention from guys who just want to try it for the kink side and aren’t into it becoming a long-term relationship. This is very unfortunate for the genuine guys out there. If you do find a guy online, I think you’d recognise the submissiveness in him after talking for some time hopefully. Me and my boy have been attending BDSM events for years so maybe that’s why I’m more inclined to give the advice of attending meets. Just be careful girls and make sure he’s genuine.

Is your dynamic strictly a confidential dynamic behind closed doors or does it spill out into everyday life with family, friends, in public etc? 

I have a couple of friends that know our dynamic and think it’s amazing, but mostly its behind closed doors. I’m sure people that know a FLR dynamic could recognise it when we’re out and about but on the whole I’m sure we just look like a “normal” couple. I’ve had a couple of people ask why we are so good a couple, and I’ll smile and reply it’s because he does as he’s told with a wink ha-ha!

It appears from your Tumblr blog that you are open to approaches from other men, if this is the case is this for service or cuckolding your partner? 

Yes, this was something I wanted to experiment with, I am very much attracted to the Hotwife / cuckold dynamic. I find it a big turn on and so does my boy, but in reality, I’ve found this to be very much based in fantasy.

During our relationship we have attended swingers clubs, had threesomes and generally been very experimental, but it has always been with my boy, He was always there with me. I actually went as far as finding a guy and going on a date with him but I was instantly turned off by the guys macho behaviour and lack of respect, in fact he was very disrespectful about my boy having made a few comments that he was not a real man or weaker than he was for letting his wife sleep around. I remember staring at this toxic excuse of a man and hating everything about him. I quickly ended the date and returned home and was greeted by my boy on his knees with a heart full of love and respect for me. He made me very proud that night. Submissive guys are not weak at all, they are strong loving gentleman with upmost respect for the women they love ~ Charlotte.

https://onlyfans.com/charlotte4fun/videos

https://flr-hisonlythought.tumblr.com/