Interviews with real dominant women series: The most attractive quality in a submissive man? “his surrender”

In this interview Michelle shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR.

How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

I did not ‘discover’ I was ‘interested’ in a FLR. But rather came to realise I have always lived a FLR at one level or another. Through conversations and reading material I realized it was naturally who I am and the way I have lived and desire to live.

I realized it was exactly what my grandparents and great grandparents lived. My great grandfather had told me about my great grandmother and their FLR dynamic. It was a matriarchy marriage, and he worshiped the ground she walked on and loved her with the depth and whole of his heart and soul.

She ran the businesses and was head of the house, and he worked under her direction and guidance and was happy to do so. He supported her and found her to be a great leader. Even in his nineties he could not imagine nor want anything any other way.

I realized it was natural, many people live this way, and it came natural to me to live this way.

What has been your most useful in your education about Female Led Relationships?

Finding the title for the lifestyle (Female Led Relationships) was a door opening to what I searched for and helped me find like-minded individuals and the FLR community. Without the proper terminology it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.

The material I read and people with whom I spoke gave me more direction, advice, guidance, reassurance, and I realized at what depth I already understood FLR and that it was natural for me. I didn’t find anything to be new or foreign to me other than the terminology and abbreviations. Knowing the terminology and abbreviations were essential in order for me to find like-minded men in my search: men willing to serve.

What element of a FLR resonates with you most?

There is not one element over another, it is the whole. When a man surrenders to a true female led dynamic, a woman can be sure he is fully committed, and she is not left wondering. She is secure and can let go of insecurities which may have been there otherwise.

What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

The structure of a Female Led Relationship brings balance and security into the relationship. Women are natural leaders. They lead in every aspect of their life even if they do not identify it or are not recognized for it.

The natural maternal abilities of women help them to make better decisions, thinking with depth and thoroughness. To multitask. Men do not typically have these abilities.

Women who lead in their relationship (FLR) will find the stresses and concerns they experienced in a traditional participial relationship will dissipate. The man will have his focus on her and her needs. His surrender will bring forth a level of intimacy and dedication that neither of them would have experienced in other relationships.

She will be sexually satisfied and have the security and safety which isn’t always present in a patriarchal relationship. It’s exhilarating, no relationship can compare to the depth of love, trust, devotion, loyalty and dedication a FLR can offer a couple.

Ideal qualities you find attractive in submissive men?

Their desire to surrender. Their attentiveness. How they use and practice traditional gentleman practices, simple things like helping her with her coat, getting the door, holding the umbrella, holding her chair for her, serving her food and drink. Making her a priority, attending to her needs, anticipating her needs without her having to dictate every little need, him placing her sexual needs before his.

These gentlemen are more focused on her and making her life easier. His focus is on her rather than on other women. He keeps his focus on her and trusts her decision making.

What are the key considerations when women design their ideal FLR?

While considering a FLR women will take many things into consideration. I can’t speak for every woman.

Although, in general, I do feel many women will be concerned if there will be resistance from the male. How much more work will it be for her and how time consuming it will be for her? Will it be more work for her than she already has? Will it be worth her efforts?

Many women do not realize that the delegation of responsibilities is up to her and for the most part she is doing most of the work already. With her guidance, her instructions, feedback and rules in place it makes it easier for the couple to know what is expected. Everything will be done to her expectations. Once he is taught how she needs things done life becomes much easier for everyone.

Women are great at time and money management. These two alone will be very beneficial to the way they live. When done to her exact specifications there will be less money and time wasted making life easier.

Women do not typically enjoy bringing pain to another living being, not emotional, nor physical pain or discomfort.

She must recognize that as a Wife, Mother, Nurse, Doctor, Teacher, (Her roles are extensive) that it is often painful for the other person she helps. Discipline and punishment as well as rules and requirements may not always be easy. However, she is administering these to those she loves for the better good of the individual, relationship and the family as a whole.

When she takes these into consideration, she will realize she is designing a FLR in which they will be living, and it will be in the best interest of all. She will create the perfect balance in which will remove obstacles and challenges which were in previous relationships or her current relationship if that is what she is restructuring.

She takes into consideration how her partner may not place her needs before his and how frustrated she is, how unfulfilled she is, not that she is selfish because a woman typically puts everyone else before her own needs. In a FLR she gets what she needs, and it brings balance to the relationship.

She gets 2 votes, he gets 1, and because she leads in a FLR arguments, disagreements, security, cheating, financial issues and wasteful spending, distrust, and other negatives dissipate. She takes it into consideration how to structure her relationship to eliminate the negatives and create the perfect for them relationship lifestyle.

Women typically take every aspect of a relationship into consideration, it’s not narrowly focused.

How would you recommend women explore a FLR?

I would recommend women explore the information available to them about the basic food groups of a FLR (Life choices, sex, money, housework, free time). Take what resonates with them, and they are comfortable with. Decide where they would like to start and approach their partner with a trial basis of let’s say one to three months of the woman being in charge at her level of comfort. Taking small steps to not overwhelm herself.

Most likely she is already making the basic FLR decisions in the relationship, it is simply not acknowledged.

She could write up a short list of rules to start with and present them to her partner with a full understanding that there will be consequences of punishment. Weekly or even daily discipline will be in place to ensure the mindset that she is in charge. Some men will not welcome discipline or punishment, in this instance it may come to the forefront that possibly he is not a good match for her.

Miss Michelle

3 thoughts on “Interviews with real dominant women series: The most attractive quality in a submissive man? “his surrender””

  1. It was great to read this interview. So much of what’s out there is paid content or not a realistic look at a female led relationship. I especially liked what Miss Michelle said about how men should be “anticipating her needs without her having to dictate every little need.” I will try to incorporate this into my own FLR. Thank you for your wisdom.

  2. It seems easy, doesnt it? To find a woman who will accept a man’s submission and train him to serve her, educate him, and bend him to her satisfaction. It should be a slam dunk sure thing. But the wide majority of submissive males never find their dominant match. If they are on a dating site geared toward the lifestyle they seek, they will indeed get multiple inquiries, however, 90% of those are women who only seek a payout. Believe me, they will tell you what you want to hear and what you want to believe and when youre first starting your search, its easy to get excited, as these ladies are damned good at what they do.
    Its a profitable industry created by the internet and it takes a while before you realize what an ego driven sap you are.
    I made EVERY rookie mistake and it cost me enough money that im embarrassed to add it all up.
    After 2 years of attempting to find the woman for me, im still waiting. By now, ive heard every scam, every scheme, every pitch and i could write a book about the red flags men should be aware of in their pursuit of this lifestyle. I could go on for hours about the lessons i have learned but i take no pleasure in remembering them. Here is what i give in my search. Up.

  3. Thank you, Miss Michelle. I especially like and align with your point that on every issue, she gets 2 votes and he gets 1. This one mindset change saved my marriage.

    Before either of us knew about FLR’s, my wife and I viewed marriage as just a 2-party relationship where is entitled to a 50% share of the relationship’s rewards. Raising kids is taxing, and it took away from some of the 50% entitlement we each thought we were due. After about 25 years of each feeling like marriage was short-changing us, we nearly divorced. What saved it for us was finding out about FLR’s, and coming to see that our marriage needed to be viewed as a 3-party relationship: “you”, “me”, and “us”. “Us” needs to have a vote on every issue, and she needs to be the one casting the vote for “us”, thus her 2 votes to my 1. Using a metaphor of secession and civil war for divorce, then instead of all that, we saved the union by making it a female led constitutional monarchy: she is the Queen, I am her subject, this is her realm, and she is the ultimate authority and power in the relationship. With this, the marriage is now more secure, safe, and peaceful, and we’re both happier than we ever were before.

    As symbols for the change, we each now wear a triskele pendant, reminding us of what holds us together, what we went through to get here, and to prompt others who see it to ask about. We also purchased a crown for her, which she occasionally wears at home on special occasions.

    The rest of what you’ve written here is very well expressed and presented. You have a strong capacity to teach. I hope you will continue writing about FLR’s, both in terms of its principles as well as its best practices . Thank you.

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