What is a Female-Led Relationship?

What is a female-led relationship?

A female-led relationship (FLR) is a long-term relationship dynamic whereby both partners agree that the woman is in charge.

She is in charge and he obeys her. They both agreed to it, and four times in five he was the one who asked. That is a female-led relationship. The rest is detail, and the detail is the good part.

The decisions are yours. The money, the diary, where you go in August, whether he is touched tonight. The housework is his, all of it, done to your standard and not to his. When you come in at seven he takes your coat, tells you dinner is twenty minutes off, and keeps his day to himself until you ask for it. He ends that day on his knees beside your bed, waiting to hear what you would like. What he would like is not the question. He learned that some time ago and has been easier to live with ever since.

He is not henpecked, darling. Henpecked men resent it. Yours applied for the position.

It looks ordinary from the street

Forget the latex. Some of us enjoy it, and why should we not, but it is a wardrobe choice and not the definition.

My friend Diana runs a company. Her husband Mark is a lawyer, and a good one, the kind other lawyers are slightly afraid of. At a dinner party you would notice nothing. She lets him finish his stories. They look like any couple who still like each other.

Then they go home, and the man who argues for a living stops arguing. Dinner is his, and so are the laundry and the bins. When Diana says “now”, he does not ask why. Whether he is wanted upstairs later is her decision, and he will be told. He does not call any of this a sacrifice. He calls it knowing where he stands, in the tone other men keep for a good pension.

It is built for you

This is for you. Not for him, though he does very well out of it.

A FLR that makes your life harder has been built wrongly. Leading him is not a second job. Has your life become easier since he started serving you? If the answer is no, he is enjoying a fantasy and you are staffing it.

When I asked dominant women what they most enjoy handing over, 61.8% said the housework. Not because they cannot do it. Because they have better things to do, and a man at home who is improved by doing it.

The same goes in bed. Your pleasure is the point. His is at your discretion.

You are not his life coach, darling. You set the standard. Meeting it is his work.

He is happier for it

He will tell you he wants to serve. Believe him, and then hold him to it.

I asked more than 350 submissive men to score how fulfilled they are. At Level 1, where she leads a little, the average was 6.68 out of 10. At Level 4, where her control is total, it was 9.05. The more in charge she is, the more content he becomes.

So you are not taking anything from him. A man who kneels well is not a lesser man. He is a settled one, and considerably better company.

You design it

There is no standard issue. There are four Levels, and I live in the top two. At Level 3 the woman is clearly in control and both of them have said so, with rules and consequences. At Level 4 her control is total: his money, his time, his friends, and very often the key to his chastity.

Where you settle is your decision. Three things are fixed: two adults, his consent given gladly, and your word as the last one. Plenty of women already run a boardroom. This is the same authority in the bedroom, the kitchen and the bank account.

Do not copy another woman’s arrangement. Write your own.

You do not need a contract, a collar or a costume to begin. You need one decision, said aloud. Love and Leadership is my beginner’s guide to a female-led relationship, and it is free.

Gentlemen, if you are the one reading this: download it and hand it to her. Then wait to be told.

Cat Boulder