Interviews with real dominant women series: Lots of men have a real need to be Dominated

In this interview Charlotte shares her experience of an escort providing Female Domination services as well as how experiences with her submissive partner.  Thank you to Charlotte for taking the time to share her views. 

Interviews with real Dominant Women series

What did you learn about female domination as an escort, what did you learn about male behaviour? Presumably providing services for married men without a FLR dynamic in their relationships at home? 

The main thing I learned was the number of guys out there that desire to submit to women. When I first started providing Mistress / Female Domination services I knew there would be guys out there that would want to book time with me, but I was surprised at the actual interest.

My clients range from all walks of life and of all ages. Most of them are happily married and love their partners very much. A lot of them used feel ashamed to be seeing me and feel that they need to explain to me why they are with me. They say that they have this desire to be controlled by a dominant woman even if it’s just for the short amount of time they are with me. A lot of clients have this guilt about being with me, they feel like they are cheating on their partners and being unfaithful. I strongly disagree with this mindset they have. At the end of the day they are not with me for sex (I don’t have sex with clients), its way more than that.

Dominant women

There are many very attractive escorts out there that they can pay for sex. With me, it’s a psychological reason they are with me, and that reason is their desire to submit to a strong woman, to give up control, to follow my lead and do as I say. I don’t feel like the guys I see are coming exclusively for a sexual release. I may grant them this while with me but its more the domination I provide and lack of control from them they seek.

A lot of my clients have told me they feel like they can’t talk about the subject with their wives or partners, so they seek out a female dominant / Mistress outside of their relationship to live out their fantasy or desire.

Some guys I have met have said they feel like they need to live up to the typical stereotype of what they see a man should be within a relationship. They feel like their desire to submit is something they feel is wrong or shouldn’t happen, “it’s not being a real man”.

One guy recently told me when he feels his needs to be dominated by a woman becoming too much, he books some time with me. He said he sees it as a kind of reset, so then he can go back to his family and carry on being the husband and father he has to be. When he sees me, he’s had to bottle up his feelings so much that he actually cries while he lets it all out.

Some clients act totally different after one of our sessions and have said they needed the time we’ve had. Now they can go about the rest of their day feeling less stressed, reset and more capable to face the world.

You were previously submissive. Are you now 100% Domme or switch? Does experience of being in a submissive position make you a better Dominant? 

I would say I’m 95% Domme. There are the odd times when I’ve had a stressful day that I just want to give up control, but it’s me that tells my boy that’s what I need. So, I suppose that’s still me giving the orders and telling him what I want, so yes maybe I am 100% Domme now I’m thinking about it that way. There are still the odd things my boy does from when he was my dominant that I wouldn’t ever want to change. It’s just the little things he does naturally without giving it a second thought. One of those things is having me walk on his left-hand side. This gentlemanly thing goes back many years. Historically when a man is escorting a woman, he has her on his left-hand side, this leaves his sword arm free to protect her. I love he does this subconsciously and I would never want this to change.

I was my partners submissive for a number of years, so I feel like I have a very good understanding of what it feels like from a submissive position. I know the mindset of a submissive, I know what feels good and what doesn’t, and this makes me a much more complete dominant woman. With clients it’s different from when I’m with my boy, I know him totally. when I first meet a new sub client, I don’t yet know his pain threshold or what makes him tick. I take time to get to know them, I usually get an idea of the kind of submissive they are from the way they conduct themselves when we first meet. A truly submissive guy is very respectful from the outset, it comes natural to them. Their body language changes when they walk in, I can see they drop the bravado and they let go and you can see the real person come out.

It is a sad state of affairs that we live in a society where submissive men can’t be themselves and it’s not socially acceptable to be in service to a woman. If only female led relationships where more common place and discussed more openly. Instead I feel it’s seen more of a kink by people that don’t understand what it truly is.

Of the men visiting you. What was the most common thing you did, or they were requesting to get their fix of submission? 

The most common request is typically that they want to have control took away and be restrained. Another common request is to be fitted with a chastity device for the duration of our time together.

A typical booking with me goes as follows; I great them and bring them into my bedroom before discussing payment and their request. That taken care of I have them remove their clothes and kneel in front of me while I explain to them my rules and what I expect of their behaviour. This is to establish the dynamic of the booking, the nature of how I intend the meeting to go. They are coming to see me for a Mistress / Female Domination experience and not for your typical escort services. They would then be instructed to kiss my feet to show their respect.

Once expectations have been addressed and while they are still knelt at my feet, I then will fit them with a chastity cage, blind fold or hood and wrist restraints. I would then instruct them to stand and offer me their hands which I would them cuff to the top of my four-poster bed. This leaves them in a standing position with their hands fixed above them. I would then move on to flogging, spanking, whipping them while having them thank their Mistress for the attention I’m giving them. Next, I move them to the bed and have them lay face down and fix their wrists to the headboard. More flogging and spanking before having them turn over onto their backs. What follows can vary dependent on the client, it could be nipple clamps fitted, cock and ball torture, urethral sounding etc. This I tend to customise dependent on the clients’ interests. What clients request can vary quite a bit and I try and accommodate the best I can for them as long as they have done as told up to this point. Some are released from their chastity and granted a release; some are given a ruined orgasm and some no release at all. The typical time clients are with me is around 1-2 hours. After, most clients like to spend some time chatting with me about their lives at home or work. This almost feels like they treat as therapy before they leave and go back to their lives.

It satisfies their need to submit to a woman and lose control, even just for the brief time they are with me.

Could you describe the structure of your FLR and any rules or protocols that define your dynamic?

We don’t lead a very strict FLR dynamic like some couples out there. I don’t mean to say that is right or wrong, it’s just what works for us. I don’t have a long list of rules that he needs to follow etc. we are around 18 months into our FLR, so we are still working things out and finding what works and what doesn’t.

The basics of our relationship are, he takes care of my sexual needs absolutely, this comes second to his own. I practice a chastity regime with my boy. He is caged the majority of the time. This we have struggled with this in the past, it has taken quite a while to get a cage that fits him well and he is relatively comfortable with.

He is only allowed sexual release upon my permission and this is something he needs to earn. I have a high sex drive, so he’s not usually caged for long periods of time before he’s released from chastity. Just because he is free from his cage to provide for me sexually does not mean he gets a release himself. I feel this is an important way of keeping him in a submissive state of mind. His release is entirely based on his behaviour and the quality of service he has provided me. I am extending the period of time between his orgasms all the time as the drop off in his submissiveness isn’t something I like. I want him well behaved and submissive and chastity is a time proven way of making this happen.

Our relationship has a good basis in BDSM, it’s something I love and I’m always looking for new things to explore. He is required to do as asked when required, I know he trusts me and also knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Well, nothing I know he couldn’t handle.

He takes care of my feet and nails; they are his responsibility. He provides me with pedicures, manicures and foot massages on a daily basis.

When he enters the house, he immediately greets me by kneeling and offering himself to me and kisses my feet. Similarly, when he leaves the house for work, he kneels and kisses my feet before saying goodbye. He kneels and asks permission before being allowed to enter my bed. He is expected to contact me during the day and tell me if his routine will change so I can keep track of him and know when to expect him home.

I’m not heavy into rules for everything, I personally find it too much hard work to control, and one of the benefits of a FLR for me personally are things being easy for me.  But the rules he does have I strictly enforce.

How does chastity work with your sexual satisfaction? Isn’t a man ineffective in terms of an erection after he has been taken out of chastity?

From my experience this is a myth. With my boy he is more than effective when released from his chastity cage, he tends to be harder and a lot more sensitive to touch and a lot more eager to please me as he knows his performance is directly linked to me granting him release or allowing him to enter me etc. I find male chastity is a sure-fire way of getting the attention and satisfaction I require from him when I want it. He puts my needs and pleasure before his own and becomes very attentive.

As I said before when it comes to long term chastity he is always caged and only allowed out when I choose. So, he may not be caged for long periods of time before being allowed out for service, but once I’ve used him to satisfy me, he is put straight back into his chastity device. I am working on extending the periods between his orgasms all the time and one day I may not grant him to orgasm full stop once he has performed for me, but this remains to be seen. The reason for this is I don’t like the males drop in submissiveness after he as orgasmed. It’s a subconscious thing and natural behaviour for a male and it can take a couple of days for his submissiveness to build back up to a satisfactory level.

What has been the most useful thing when learning about FLR? 

Research and talking to your partner about what you expect. There are lots of good books and blogs out there that can help you decide what it is you want from the relationship. I have read plenty of books on the subject and found the series by J.M Scott particularly useful. The books are full of really good useful advice and tips on FLR. They also talk directly to the woman on how to change your own mindset when it comes to FLR, this was really useful for me personally.

What would you recommend to women reading this who want to explore a FLR with their partner or find a submissive man? 

Again, I’d say research what it is that YOU want from the relationship, once you understand what it is you want then to talk to your partner and discuss your expectations. I think it’s very easy to read some of the books and think oh wow if I want a FLR then I have to do all of this. That isn’t the case at all, you can setup your relationships however you chose. Cherry pick the things you want from the relationship and make it your own.

I found when I was researching that I was becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I read. I felt that to live this kind of relationship that I HAD to do certain things I wasn’t particularly ok with. Make sure the place you do your research is well balanced and well thought out. I early on fell into the trap with a few blogs that left me thinking I don’t want this anymore; I don’t want to treat my boy this way. FLR is like BDSM you can chose how far and what aspects you like. They are couples that only have small aspects of FLR in their relationship, to couples that go to the extreme. Find what works for you and build it up slowly.

If you’re looking to meet a submissive guy, I’d recommend attending some BDSM clubs and meet ups. I personally feel that trying to do this online could be difficult. You’ll get lots of attention from guys who just want to try it for the kink side and aren’t into it becoming a long-term relationship. This is very unfortunate for the genuine guys out there. If you do find a guy online, I think you’d recognise the submissiveness in him after talking for some time hopefully. Me and my boy have been attending BDSM events for years so maybe that’s why I’m more inclined to give the advice of attending meets. Just be careful girls and make sure he’s genuine.

Is your dynamic strictly a confidential dynamic behind closed doors or does it spill out into everyday life with family, friends, in public etc? 

I have a couple of friends that know our dynamic and think it’s amazing, but mostly its behind closed doors. I’m sure people that know a FLR dynamic could recognise it when we’re out and about but on the whole I’m sure we just look like a “normal” couple. I’ve had a couple of people ask why we are so good a couple, and I’ll smile and reply it’s because he does as he’s told with a wink ha-ha!

It appears from your Tumblr blog that you are open to approaches from other men, if this is the case is this for service or cuckolding your partner? 

Yes, this was something I wanted to experiment with, I am very much attracted to the Hotwife / cuckold dynamic. I find it a big turn on and so does my boy, but in reality, I’ve found this to be very much based in fantasy.

During our relationship we have attended swingers clubs, had threesomes and generally been very experimental, but it has always been with my boy, He was always there with me. I actually went as far as finding a guy and going on a date with him but I was instantly turned off by the guys macho behaviour and lack of respect, in fact he was very disrespectful about my boy having made a few comments that he was not a real man or weaker than he was for letting his wife sleep around. I remember staring at this toxic excuse of a man and hating everything about him. I quickly ended the date and returned home and was greeted by my boy on his knees with a heart full of love and respect for me. He made me very proud that night. Submissive guys are not weak at all, they are strong loving gentleman with upmost respect for the women they love ~ Charlotte.

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