Queen Stacey is a single Dominant woman. I recently asked her about how men should approach a Domme to increase their chances of success, as well as her unique approach to Female Led Relationships and Female Domination.
Thank you to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always been as I am. I have a dominant personality in everything I do. There was never a time in My life I wanted anything else. I have always either been single, with a stable or in a long-term relationship. I tied up my first boyfriend and edged him for hours. I was a little virgin, but I knew that was the way it was supposed to be.
How would you describe your own personal style of Female Domination?
I have never, ever considered My style. I like what I like. I have My own preferences, but I tend to like different things with different boys. It’s a dynamic that must be examined to find where interests overlap. I am low protocol.
For those not familiar with the term, can do describe “low protocol”?
Low protocol means I expect certain reactions to certain commands verbal or otherwise. I will drop a boy to his knees at any moment I choose for example.
What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
I’m probably not the best person to give advice because I have no experience in finding Myself. As I have stated, I have literally always been Me, even as a sexually developing teen. In My relationships I have always been in control. I have always simply expected it. Therefore, I don’t really have advice for a woman who is new to it, because I never was.
What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I like alpha men; I just prefer them on their knees. My subs, and boyfriends too tend to appear very masculine. I like men I want to talk to, who have something to say. I have no patience for rudeness, not to Me or anyone else.
What should a submissive man do to impress you and stand out from the crowd?
Men very often reach out to Me with this same question, and honestly, I’m not sure. I can say polite conversation is important. Being able to keep up with Me is vital. I’m impressed more by an underlying spark, that is either there or it isn’t. I do have an interview process, and I joke that there is the written test, the interview, and the oral exam. It’s like sitting for the boards. If a man passes all three, I may accept him. I also may not.
I am currently single, which means I have multiple subs. I like to put men in boxes, like toys, and take them out and play with them at my discretion. I am their Domme, not their girlfriend. I play by My rules. If they don’t like it too bad. Now this is Me as a single woman. When I have been in a long-term relationship, it has been more FLR than anything else.
What should a submissive man do to keep you interested in the longer term?
Keep Me amused, and good luck with that.
A recent poll we ran on Tumblr suggests that many men have expressed their submissive feelings towards their partner, yet their partner has yet to fully grasp the reigns of the relationship and taken control. The FLR is stuck in limbo. Have you any suggestions for couples in this predicament?
Leave- you cannot force something that isn’t there. There is no changing anyone’s fundamental personality. I hate inauthenticity. It makes Me want to vomit. The wife who acts like a Domina on a Saturday night to appease her husband just makes us look bad. Do not get Me started on pros, or fins… Prostitution is just repulsive to Me, it is subservient like porn, where costumed women perform for the consumption of men.
Your interview process – What hoops do you put potential suitors through?
Again, the written test, generally a lengthy text conversation. Then we meet publicly and very vanilla. I have a direct conversation with them regarding limits etc. Then I agree to meet, and play. I am very careful not to dive headfirst into the deep end of things until I am completely comfortable. They must be brought to everything slowly. I am not going to ever be someone they talk about in therapy.
What advice would you give to sub men who are unsure about limits? Is it just a case of experimentation?
Declare them, soft and hard. Expect that sometimes they change. Be open about them.
You joked about an “oral exam” as part of your interview process, but is worship a key part of your dynamic?
I don’t bother teaching these things. If he can’t or won’t follow instructions, I’m done. My adult daughter said to Me not long ago, “remember what you told me when I was young? If he doesn’t eat pussy like it’s his last meal, kick him to the curb” I told her no, I didn’t remember, but it sounded like something I’d say.
Men can be guilty of approaching Dominant women as though they are fetish dispensers, what advice would you give for approaching a single Dominant woman?
That attitude always irritates Me
Talk to a real Domme, not a pro, not a fin.. not some chick in a costume. She is not here to get your rocks off. you serve, not the other way around.
Great advice. Where do his fetishes and desires figure in all of this, in comparison to serving? If it was just about serving sub men would all be working for the women’s shelter?
That’s where communication comes in. That’s where having overlapping kinks helps! I have lots of kinks, and lots of things I won’t do. Dommes have limits too. I use his wants, his needs to get Mine satisfied.
So when approaching a Domme is it best to wait until asked about “wants”?
This is why there’s an interview process.
Thanks again to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
In this interview Lady Alexa shares her views on Feminisation. Thank you to Lady Alexa for taking the time to share her opinions on Feminisation in Female Led Relationships.
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always liked being in charge in my relationships. I didn’t associate them as a Female Led dynamic, just the way I was. It was later on in the past few years with my husband and through the internet that we found a name for it and learnt some of the more fetish things that go with it. Which are fun.
Q. How did you discover your desire for feminisation?
I like to push boundaries and break social rules. I wanted my husband to wear some feminine articles to spice things up in bed. It took some courage to ask him. It escalated from there as I wanted to keep pushing on.
Q. What is the difference between encouraged and forced in the context of Feminisation?
For me, forced is the male fantasy game for which professional mistresses and websites exist to satisfy – usually in return for money. There’s no such thing as forced. Encouraged is what I do which is to persuade and encourage my husband to cross dress and be feminised. He sometimes requires some encouragement as some of my ideas might sound odd to the current social norm, so that’s encouraged. But he enjoys it too, so it’s not forced. He does need to be told still.
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning of FLR?
The single thing that changed my education was my blog (www.ladyalexauk.com). I like writing so I started to blog about the new FLR/Feminisation lifestyle I was exploring with my husband. We used the internet to look for more about femdom etc. but much was male fantasy nonsense. So, I wrote a real-life version which is far from the fantasy. This led to connections with others and joining other sites such as Fetlife. Through Fetlife we met other couples like us who were normal, i.e., they practised FLR but otherwise lived normal lives. Some of them have become our friends. This then taught us more about FLR.
Q. There are men who want to serve and submit, and there are men that wish to simply cross-dress, then there are feminised men in a FLR. How do you differentiate between the three desires?
I think it’s more complex than those three desires. You can be in an FLR without a feminised man. I also enjoy the power differential between me dressed and my husband naked, exposed or in very feminine clothing.
The idea of men who want to serve and submit is a complex question. Some want it as a game or a release from their male responsibilities, others are more submissive and others, such as my husband, are neither naturally submissive nor need release from responsibilities but just enjoy a strong woman.
I don’t know any men who are simply crossdressers without other element involved such as – fantasy, fetish, FLR, femdom, transgender or whatever. Although I don’t know too many and I haven’t done any proper investigation, so this is anecdotal experience. Another complex question.
Q. Who typically initiates a Feminised FLR?
From my experiences on my blog and with the friends I’ve made in the scene, it’s generally the man. In our case it was me and although I’m not unique in this, this seems to be less common.
There are so many benefits, in my opinion, to feminising a man. Everything from being more attractive to be more gentle and helpful.
Q. What advice would you share with men interested in broaching feminisation with their partner?
Be honest about what you want from the beginning. All my friends and contacts who live an FLR/Feminization lifestyle, the man admitted they enjoyed being feminised/crossdressing early in the relationship. The reason my husband is feminised is that I was straight with him about what I wanted. It’s a tough one and could all go wrong but you need to do it.
The other point for the man is to understand that it’s not all about catering to his desire to swan around in a pretty dress and feel good. What’s in it for the lady? She’s not there just to fulfil your fantasy.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
The same as above. Be honest about what you want. Also, both parties need to understand that the mistress/fetish site thing is fantasy, and this is a real relationship even if you only do it behind closed doors (as we do) or occasionally. A real FLR is like a normal relationship with care and affection, bills to pay and family and friends but with FLR added in as a layer over it.
Q. What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I find no qualities attractive in submissive men. I also find macho masculine men deeply unattractive.
I find men attractive who are independent of thought, have a good education and keep themselves healthy and fit. Men who are able to be comfortable intellectually and physiologically in an FLR and to appreciate the benefits to them and me in an FLR. I do not want to be asked what to do every five minutes by a pathetic submissive. I do want to be shown respect and my desires and wishes looked after because the man enjoys this and wants to see me happy too. Someone who enjoys the disparity in all aspects of the relationship but not because they are a submissive person but because this is what we both enjoy.
Besides, a submissive man is too easy. That’s boring. What’s the fun in that?
Q. Could you share a little of your dynamic, the life you have built with your husband?
The FLR dynamic we have created is quite similar to others we’ve met in the ‘scene’ and nothing like the internet fantasies.
Other than the FLR and feminisation element, we do live very normal lives. An important point is to state that our FLR / husband feminisation, is not public. At our ages, it would probably be too much for our families and friends to take in. The world has moved on and if we were much younger, I think it would have been easier. and I’d want our FRL / feminisation to be public.
That said, my preference even so would be to be more public, and I have broached this idea gently several times with my husband. I would like him to live as a female by outer appearances full time. He does not want to go public. Since this is a consensual relationship, I respect that and live with it. We do share our lifestyle with others like us and when we are alone at home.
That said, I no longer use my husband’s male name or male gender although in public I revert to dear or darling. Otherwise, I will call her Alice or more often girl or girly. I also use princess or petal or flower or other feminine names. I do this outside the home too although not directly in front of others. In conversations in the street of coffee shops or shops yes. She refers to me as Mistress Alexa or Madam.
We enjoy the disparity in levels in the relationship and the naming helps that. This applies to clothing too. At home I’ll wear normal female clothing, including trousers if I wish. Alice is not permitted male clothing at home or even female trousers and uses more feminine and revealing clothing, such as pretty miniskirts or short summer dresses. The more girly the better. I also ask her to be naked or exposed at home when the weather permits it. I like this too as it’s a great power play for me. I like that.
Alice makes the tea and coffee at home and makes and clears the table at mealtimes. She will curtsey when serving me anything. This doesn’t mean she is my slave and I also cook and clean too as we both have jobs and that’s only fair. But I am in charge of things. For example, I might decide to do the washing, but I’ll instruct Alice on her task, maybe dusting or ironing. I do spank my husband but never that hard. It’s more of a way of showing displeasure and control. We’re not into pain. Sometimes it is a light tap on her face other times on her bum. If she’s naked, I will also slap her not-so-privates. These are all really no more than little taps for small disappointments and not BDSM. They will be accompanied by telling her she’s a bad girl or something similar.
Finally, I can’t deny that our lifestyle has a strong frisson of sexual excitement about it. I get off on the power and Alice on the humiliation and submission. This keeps things fresh, and I love to think up new humiliations for her. That said, my husband is not what would be thought about as submissive and externally it would be a surprise to many. I think no one would be surprised at me.
In this interview Miss Mira expresses her views on “Realistic” Female Led Relationships. Thank you to Miss Mira for taking the time to share her opinions.
Realistic Female led Relationships
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
It wasn’t a sudden discovery or even something that I always had. It was rather the result of a series of fortunate experiments. My first experiment in D/s was with a close female friend. She was submissive and she “lured” me into it and although I knew about BDSM on shallow level, I never thought I would get into it, but since that first clumsy experiment it felt so natural and satisfying.
From that point I did a lot of reading about BDSM, but it was a relatively long while until I had another D/s relationship, and it was with a boy. This time I was the “luring” party. I was clearly the dominant in that relationship, and although it was not an FLR, it was at that point that I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be the leader in all aspects regardless of the gender or the partner. Seeking a FLR is not about feminism although I’m a feminist. It is simply seeking something I know I enjoy; I know I deserve, and most importantly I know I can handle.
Q. You have written about your man having humility towards you, could you describe why this is important to you?
I think it is important for the relationship more than it is important to me. The suitable partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role. Of course, their humility does not contradict with my respect to them. Humility is not degrading.
Q. You have written about fetish-oriented men approaching you looking to have their kinks explored, versus those genuine submissive men wishing to serve selflessly and dedicate their life to pleasing a dominant. How would you recommend men learn about their difference?
I think the difference is self-explanatory, but in any case, anyone who is willing to make the effort to find a compatible partner can find a lot of resources online, FetLife for example. BDSM is a very vivid and exciting spectrum, and I encourage everyone to read more about in parallel to experimenting to know themselves better and to discover more dimensions of the scene.
Realistic Female Led Relationships by Miss Mira
1. You will adore me, yet I’m not a Goddess, and you are not a slave. I’m mortal. You’re free.
2. You are a normal human being who is submissive and obedient to me.
3. I expect submission and obedience, not because my submissive partner is pathetic or a loser, as I can’t be with such.
4. You have your own job outside, and you are a maid/servant inside. You’d make my coffee and my laundry… because it is your job, that’s not role play. When I ask you to fetch me water or to make me a sandwich I would do it nicely. Like I would do with a regular maid.
5. My partner will speak very politely when they address me, but they don’t call me “Miss” or such, and I don’t call them “slave” or such.
6. Although I may have you kiss my shoes to help you find humility, but when you will clean my shoes it will be with a brush and a cloth, not with your tongue.
7. I may collar/leash/cage you and have you crawl when I feel like it, yet you are not a dog.
8. I’m not mean, and I don’t bark orders. I don’t need to.
9. I have my own job outside, and I enjoy your service inside. I set the rules. I may ask your opinion/advice, but the final decision is mine.
10. My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. That doesn’t mean that we won’t joke, fool around, watch a movie, ride a bike, etc… I cannot imagine living without such things, and no it doesn’t contradict with the hierarchy or the D/s dynamic. For instance, does having a friendly/casual boss at work make you forget your duties?
Q. You describe your dynamic as your man having a job but being your maid and servant behind closed doors. Your cook, butler, waiter, secretary and errand boy. You would respect his opinion and advice but ultimately you are final decision maker. How would you recommend that women build their own ideal dynamic?
I don’t consider myself experienced enough to make recommendations, but every person male or female should first understand themselves and what they want, and then set a suitable plan accordingly. I knew I wanted FLR from my experiences and from reading about it. I knew I can take that responsibility, because of my character and my experience in life. I was still 17 years old when I lived abroad to study, and I have been independent ever since.
Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about Female Led Relationships?
To be honest I don’t even remember the first time I discovered the term, but there’s a ton of articles and literature online. In addition to reading, I think the most useful tool was my sceptical mind. I didn’t take everything I read for granted.
Q . What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
Again, I don’t consider myself an expert, but my opinion is that there is no FLR bible, reading is good, experimenting with reading is even better, but the most important thing is that every person be able to make their own customized dynamic that is suitable for their desires, character, circumstances, etc…
Q. How would you recommend a man expresses his desire to submit and serve a woman who is not familiar with Female Led Relationships?
To men who are genuinely interested in FLR, first please make sure know what FLR is to be sure you are interested in it. I think doing little favours, tasks, chores for the woman would be a nice way to start. I know I appreciate that myself. Definitely don’t start by telling her about what you want to do to her feet. Little normal tasks – be useful.
Q. What led you to setup a profile Fetlife? Can you describe the network to those not familiar?
I knew about FL from before. I had an account and I used it to follow events and kinky friends when I was abroad. I was away from FL for a long time and decided to go back perhaps to find a suitable partner, and if not at least to express my thoughts and wishes about realistic D/s dynamics.
The network as I understand it is a BDSM oriented platform that is a mixture of a Reddit and Facebook. Behind every username there is a real person, so we should remember that and act accordingly when we communicate whether in messages or comments.
Women can dominate men’s life in different ways within a Female Led Relationship.
I found the About FLR website a useful resource when I was learning about Female Led Relationships. In particular, I liked the five food groups. It’s useful when a man is maturing as a submissive and waking up to the fact that a FLR is about service first, not kink.
In fact, I would argue that any couple, within a FLR or not, should discuss the five food groups before a long term relationship, and certainly before living together.
The basic premise is that a couple will argue and friction stems from five key areas, and by discussing and conceding the lead on these five areas to the Female Dominant, the couple has a much more peaceful dynamic and deep understanding of their roles. It’s not a prescriptive formula – but great for discussion, especially when starting out.
The Five Food groups described by AboutFLR are Money, Life Direction, Free Time, Housework and Sex. The website recommends that the Dominant decides how much control she wishes to exert over these five areas dependent on HER wishes.
It might be simple high level oversight or tight micromanagement or somewhere in between. Her decision. Again, to stress it’s just for stimulating conversation on topics that couples argue most about, it’s not a prescription.
The five food groups are as follows:
Women can dominate the money:
For me this has nothing to do with “Findomme” or fetishising money or power, but simply that the Dominant might want to exert her control over financial decision making. Maybe from complete control and allowing the male submissive husband an allowance or just approval for major purchases, whatever level of control she desires. Money is a huge area of conflict for many couples, so the man conceding final power to the woman makes for a much more harmonious relationship.
Women can dominate life direction:
Life direction refers to major life decisions such as moving house, changing jobs or moving to another area. Again, as with money, another source of potential conflict. In some Female Led Relationships the woman has final say on overall life direction and the major decisions of the couple. The submissive man might voice his opinion respectfully, but ultimately the Dominant has final say and makes the decisions for both of them. If the man’s opinion differs from his Dominant, he concedes to her authority because he knows she will make a decision in the best interests of the couple.
Women can dominate his free time:
This area might create a source of conflict for some couples. What does the man do with his spare time? Some women in patriarchal relationships are sport or hobby widows, losing their partner for an entire weekend playing sports or pursuing their interests. In contrast, in a Female Led Dynamic the female leader might decide how he spends his time. Cleaning the house or pampering her perhaps! Pursuing interests might be a special treat for good behaviour. Whatever happens, the woman decides. Her control and smarter decision making strengthens the relationship for both of them.
Women can delegate the housework
In a female dominated relationship the man lives to serve the woman’s needs and make her life easier. She may choose that he helps with housework, that he does the items she doesn’t enjoy doing, or for some couples the Woman outsources all housework, chores and life admin to her submissive husband. Anything to make her happy. A man can follow lists and standing orders, with periodic checks for quality, whilst the woman can either relax or get on with something more interesting.
Women can dominate in the bedroom:
Finally, the woman’s pleasure comes first in a female led relationship. Sex is always on her terms and focussed on her pleasure or what she wants to do. For many couples in a Female Led Dynamic the woman decides if or when the man receives pleasure or an orgasm. Some couples use chastity devices as a means of emphasising the woman’s power. In this instance a man can’t even get an erection without her permission. Submissive men can be trained to provide sexual service to their partner without any need for reciprocation for the man. The submissive man in a FLR should always accept his partner’s advances, learn her preferences, and always follow her lead. For many submissive men, to give is to receive, giving their Dominant pleasure gives them an enormous amount of pleasure.
As I mentioned above, I believe every relationship, FLR or not, should consider these five good groups.
For some reading this, you might seem bewildered why a man might seek this servitude and slave like life, but for a submissive man, it is his life’s desire, to be under the command of a truly dominant woman.
Thank you to Mistress and Tyler for sharing intimate details about their Female Led Relationship dynamic.
It all started when Tyler admitted to his wife that he had self control issues, then asked his wife if she would consider a Female Led Relationship.
Here, Mistress tells us about their dynamic:
Q. It seems your dynamic started via your partner pleading for help. Can you describe how you felt when he first expressed his desire for your control?
At first I was nervous because it was something new to our relationship, And I was told all my life if I acted bossy and demanding I would never find a man to love. This was a very delicate process and situation because of all his past traumas in his youth. So I didn’t want to overly react either way too much and cause him to push away. So I let him explain and I proceeded to process it all with caution.
Q. Did you have any inklings towards Dominance before his confession?
Yes I am a natural at being in control and being bossy. I have found that in any group situations or employment I have had, I naturally became the leader after a very short period of time. But in our relationship, I was always nervous because of his past.
Q. What advice would you give to men considering approaching their partner to confess their porn or masturbation habits?
Time & Place is crucial!! It really is important to be honest but also have it built up too. Meaning, start opening up conversations with her about yourself and thoughts. Make sure you are committed to being loyal to this change before saying it to her, be careful what you wish for!
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning about Female Led Relationships?
I have tried a few books, websites and podcasts. Some were ok but not many. Mainly because each relationship is different and what works for us may not work for you. However I believe open communication with my sub about limits and how it fits in our relationship and our daily routines is paramount.
Q. Chastity and punishment seem to be key pillars in your relationship, for those new to this topic, how do these elements work and how do they benefit you?
Chastity helps bring focus back to us. And with chastity being mandated at all times. It reinforced the reminder that although something is attached to his body, it no longer belongs to him. Had he been able to make better judgements all those years he had control, then we wouldn’t have come to this situation in the first place. ( I am glad it has turned out this way however) and wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is ownership over his sacred body part. It shows commitment to our values and lifestyle. Punishments enforces boundaries/ Rules set forth in our ever evolving relationship and lifestyle. It assures him that all things and behavior’s matter.
Q. How does his behaviour change after a prolonged period of chastity?
The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed to my needs above all else. And as he is more focused on me he becomes, the more I give him attention. Plus he gets into a space where he stops worrying about his needs and really becomes very super submissive.
That picture I took was after a post sexual release for him. Unfortunately he is a very difficult person, post sexual gratification. It is something I believe most men deal with. They become unruly and sassy almost. Or at least he does. He was wanting to go for a run, yet his chores were not finished, he was talking with a little ego that bubbled up. So after dealing with the issue. I had him drop to the ground. And I decided to have him see where he stands in this relationship. And where his thoughts and unruly behavior post release gets him.
Q. Your man seems to have a thing for feet, How have you used his fetish to your advantage?
Yes this is something a friend of mine told me as we first started dating, and I never knew to what extent it was with him. I use them to arouse him , then deny him as I watch him become obsessed with them. It is asserting control over him and showing him his place at the same time.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a Female Led Relationship?
The importance of being open & honest with your partner is so important, I know it sounds cliché. But it really is! Have fun with it, life outside your home is so difficult, this is something you two share as a couple. It is what makes you fulfilled. Don’t shy away from letting yourself try different things that each other likes or want to try. It’s exploring what works and potentially what can take your relationship from 1 to 100 miles per hour in one moment. Also what you see in so many different places like tumblr, Twitter or Fetlife is not how it has to be, and much of it is just over blown to appear to appeal to men for whatever reason. It is about us Women and our needs. Take things at your pace not his or anyone else telling you any different.
“To give someone special treatment, making that person as comfortable as possible and giving them whatever they want”
A Female Led pamper weekend is an opportunity to wait on your Goddess hand and foot and give her whatever she wants for the whole weekend. 48 hours of dedicated servitude.
For some Female Led couples, they don’t need a special “Pamper weekend”, the dominant leads what might be considered a pampered life anyway. She can click her fingers 24/7/365 and get what she wants.
But for those wishing to explore a Female Led Relationship further or wishing to rekindle female led feelings a Pamper Weekend is an ideal method to indulge in a full female led dynamic.
For the submissive man wishing to encourage his partner to explore a FLR – it is an opportunity to show his Goddess how he would like to treat her, serving her and putting her first at all times. The dominant gets what she wants, when she wants, on her terms and with total obedience. Bliss!
For the Dominant woman exploring or curious about a Female Led Dynamic, it is a good opportunity to experiment for a short period of time and get a feel for both the power and the enjoyment a FLR can bring without committing to a full life change.
This article includes some things to think about when preparing a pamper weekend. These are just ideas, you will need to tailor them to your relationship and dynamic.
Step 1: Send an invitation
The first step is to send an invitation. This turns it from ‘just an idea’ to an actual event. You can use a proper invitation card, a letter or online invitation. I created the image below using canva.com a free online graphic design tool. There are hundreds of apps and websites that do similar things. Whichever method you choose, make it special, make it a real event to look forward to. It means you are serious and it helps build up excitement about the whole event.
Notice on the image that the “menu and itinerary” are to follow. The goal is to build a magical weekend of service to delight the Dominant. The Dominant woman chooses what happens. This is not a shortcut to living your fantasies – it’s service for HER.
2. Understand her demands
Once she accepts your invitation the next step to build her ideal pamper weekend. To help her with this process build a menu of her favourite things to do and things that you think will make her happy.
For example I wrote the following letter:
“You are cordially invited to a personalised pamper weekend. The special weekend service will run from 8am on Saturday [Date] until Midnight on Sunday [Date].
Please let me know your preferences using this form so that a personalised itinerary and menu can be prepared. The goal is that you relax and enjoy a hedonistic weekend knowing that all of your personal needs are being met.
This document includes ideas for your pampering weekend. These are just ideas, please feel free to edit or add any elements you wish. Afterall, it’s YOUR pampering weekend.
The goal is that you perform no work or household chores over this weekend. You must relax, be pampered and waited on.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.etc “
I then included planned activities and activities available on demand.
Ideas for planned activities:
Being awoken in a special way
Breakfast in bed
Full body massages
Manicure and Pedicure
Hot bubble bath with candles
Meals prepared and served
The goal is that these ideas inspire your Dominant to choose her ideal day. It’s a lot easier to be inspired by reading other ideas rather than staring at a blank page. You are making her life easier and also showing you have put some thought into it. Especially if they are things you know she would enjoy. It’s now up to her to decide, make this easier by printing out the options and giving her a pen to write your instructions, if she prefers.
As well as these planned activities which might take some planning and preparation there are also some “on demand” activities your Dominant might love to receive at the click of her fingers. Again, make this all about HER and not your kinks and fantasies.
On-demand service ideas:
Hot and cold drinks prepared and served
Personal sexual services
Chores and errands
Dressing and undressing
Again, make it easy for the Dominant woman in your life to make her choices. She might surprise you with what she demands. It’s a great way to understand what she would really appreciate. Be prepared that she might tear up your ideas and create something completely different, but if you have chosen your options carefully she will appreciate the thought.
Finally, suggest a list of ideal meals that you will cook over the pamper weekend. Include aperitifs, breakfasts, lunches, dinners and desserts will all of her favourites. This might include pushing your skills to new places, but it’s all part of delivering good service.
3. Build a menu
Once she has instructed you of her preferences it is now time to build her ideal weekend. Write out the itinerary and menus properly. Again, like the invite this is to make it a special weekend and demonstrates you are taking it seriously and making an effort. You are telling her you WANT to do this.
4. Prepare and Deliver
The next step is prepare everything and deliver the pamper weekend. This is your time to show your devotion and do everything you promised, plus anything else she asks. It’s very likely she’ll enjoy the time in charge and be extra bossy, taking advantage of the offer of service. Especially as she knows it’s only for a weekend.
You are going to be busy serving so don’t forget to plan your day. Whilst she is lounging in bed eating breakfast in bed what could you be getting ready? What jobs could you do whilst she is soaking in the bath? You are going to be working hard serving her whilst also doing all the weekend chores like washing and cleaning so that she doesn’t have to. Forget about any of your own hobbies or social activities – you’ll be busy being her servant.
You might also consider buying a small bell so that she can ring it whenever she needs anything. It really adds a special magic to the Dominant/servant dynamic for the weekend.
Finally, you’ll need to manage your energy. The Goddess needs an obedient and responsive servant for her pamper weekend, not an exhausted zombie! Be ready for the hard work of doing everything and being at the beck and call of a Goddess.
5. Review and follow up
Finally, once you have finished the pamper weekend I recommend following up a few days later to understand her reaction. Politely ask the following questions:
Please rate your pamper weekend on a scale between 1 and 10 where 10 is the best
Please let me know what things you enjoyed
Please let me know what things you did not enjoy
How could the pamper weekend be improved?
And finally, would you like to book another pamper weekend?
As before, make it easy for her to respond by printing out the questions or sending them in a message for her to take her time answering. It is not your place to demand feedback, but if you ask nicely stating that you want to improve for next time she might give you some pointers. Most importantly she might also let you serve her again soon!
In my next article I’ll share my experiences of following this process to deliver a pamper weekend and let you know how it went! Let me know in the comments if you have any other recommendations for an ideal FLR pamper weekend.
I recommend listening to the Obedient Love podcast.
The host, Ms. Viola Voltairine, mixes Female Led Relationship opinions and advice with her fantasies and fiction to create compelling FLR education and entertainment. All of this is delivered via Ms. Voltairine’s soothing and rather intoxicating purr, ideal for the podcast format.
I particularly like the currently evolving story “The Company” and really enjoyed listening to her thought-provoking discussions on chastity, service and feminism. Comparing the different perspectives of well-known Female Dominant authors and taking things to the next level.
The podcast is free and available at podbean, Youtube or just search “Obedient Love” in your podcast player.
Ms. Voltairine also offers paid “FLR Training” for subs seeks to find a Domme partner. The blurb on her website says:
“Viola Strepsata Voltairine is a Female Led Relationship (FLR) Trainer and a lifestyle FemDom running a 24/7 D/s household. Her classes train men to become the best and most appealing submissives that they can possibly be.”
For many Female Led couples their dynamic is a private affair.
In public, the man might be a polite gentleman. The lady might receive the odd comment about “wearing the trousers” or “isn’t he well trained?” but otherwise their dynamic is a secret.
Then, behind closed doors, when the world is shut away, he is her servant.
So, the woman of the house returning home is a significant phase in everyday life, when she returns home and closes the door, the FLR lovers can truly be themselves. It’s an important moment to remember the man’s subservient role, reconnect with each other, and reinforce the Female Led dynamic.
This article covers some ideas to think about to make her return home as pleasant and relaxing as possible. As always, these are just ideas, what’s always most important at all times is HER needs.
Give her your undivided attention
Imagine the neanderthal man, watching sport or playing on the games console with a beer perched on his belly. Barely acknowledging his wife as she comes home. What a dreadful thought!
The leader of a Female Led dynamic deserves your undivided attention and respect when she returns home. Demonstrate that you are utterly focussed on her homecoming in the following ways:
Kneel – Kneeling means, I am ready to serve. I am awaiting your instructions and giving you my undivided attention. I am on standby ready to please
Kiss her feet – a hugely symbolic act to remind the husband who calls the shots in the relationship. By kissing your wife’s shoes as she returns home you are showing her you know your place.
Show your love – nothing beats someone being eager to see you and happy that you have returned home. Show your love for her. Be happy to see her.
“I want to be greeted with a big hug then have him drop to his knees to kiss my feet. I then want him to offer his services to me and do anything I ask. Once instructions have been given, I like to sit on the sofa while he goes off and makes me a drink. Once he’s back with my drink he will give me a good foot rub while we talk about our day. It is his undivided attention that I like.”
Anticipate her arrival
Have dinner ready, plan ahead
Ensure everything is tidy for her arrival, clutter free
Try to do all of your chores before she arrives home
“If I have left no specific instructions then I would expect My submissive to be kneeling, smiling with an eagerness in his eyes, waiting for Me to walk in the door. I don’t think there is much in this world more beautiful than that. A drink waiting, the house clean and the scent of dinner cooking will always be appreciated as well. An important aspect for Me is genuine effort… I want to know by your attitude and actions that you are honoured to be allowed to serve, and that you are focused on pleasing Me. If your actions are simply perfunctory don’t bother. The rest is icing, always keeping your Domme’s preferences in mind, if you’re given leeway to improvise there are endless possibilities…”
It’s nearly always him returning home to me and we have protocols. When he returns home, he must go straight into the shower, shave and put on my favourite aftershave I buy for him. Then he puts on his collar and must come downstairs naked and kneel at my feet ready to serve.
If the occasion is in reverse which is rare then yes, we do have a welcoming home ritual. I will inform him of my estimated time of arrival around an hour in advance and I expect the house spotless tidy and a bath drawn ready for me with my evening negligee and lingerie ready for me to slip into. He’s very creative around my bath scene with Yankee candles, warm towels, lotions and bath bombs etc. all prepared for me.
On arrival through the door, I expect him as before, clean from a shower, shaved, smelling of my chosen fragrance for him, collared and naked in his slave position facing the front door. This is on his knees nose to the floor arms stretched out in front. I open the door to him in this position and click my fingers which brings him up to his knees where I expect eye contact and a smile, I smile back but firmly point down and this will signal for him to kiss my footwear. He will then take my bags and coat while I walk in and drop anything else for him to quickly tidy away.
The house layout, furniture, decorations etc are in my style and is a very feminine space with a male servant there waiting for me. It’s very satisfying and a pleasing environment for me to return to as it should be for the female of the house. Its great if I’ve had a stressful day to come home to that and just drop everything including my knickers and be served and pleasured by a willing submissive male in my world.
Help her relax
Ensure the home is a pleasant place to return to, a place of tranquillity where she immediately feels refreshed
Don’t bombard her with your troubles as soon as she comes through the door
Make her comfortable
Don’t complain if she’s late or out with friends, your service should be flexible
“We have a wonderful routine when I get back from work. I insist on a big kiss and a hug when I get home. Hubby then kisses my feet to remind him of his place in my life and takes my bag and coat. My favourite time is when I relax with a glass of something bubbly whilst he massages my feet, and we talk about our day. He then eats my pussy whilst I relax on the sofa. He is usually very pleased to see me and it’s always very hot to feel his passion. Hubby then makes dinner and waits on me so I can catch up with family and friends. He then clears up after dinner whilst I take a bath or watch Netflix. He loves serving me and I love his attentiveness. FLR is a wonderful dynamic.”
Make her life easier
When she returns home, take her coat and hang it up. Put her shoes away when she kicks them off. Make a mental note of whether they might need a clean.
Put her phone or car keys in a place where she can easily find them, does her phone need a charge? Be useful, serve her needs.
A good subby husband clears up after his wife and makes her life easier, when a dominant drops her clothes on the floor as she undresses, she should be able to relax knowing that her servant will not only pick up after her, but also clean, dry, iron and store her laundry without even asking.
Hopefully these ideas will inspire better service for when the lady of the house returns.
What ideas would you recommend to help your Dominant relax on her return home or reconnect with your sub? Please leave a comment below.