In this article we interview Goodday, a submissive male on his lifelong journey in submission and his surrender to the divine feminine. Continue reading “Interview: Living a life respecting the divine feminine”
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Cuckolding and one-sided open relationships
The word Cuckold stems from the cuckoo bird, who famously lays her eggs in the nest of other breeds of bird, so that she side-steps the responsibility of looking after them.
In sexual parlance, the woman sleeps with another man, and cuckolds her husband.
Cuckolding is not a female-led activity, many couples outside of Female Led relationships enjoy this dynamic. But it is a technique often discussed in Female Led circles to empower the woman and emasculate the submissive husband.
It represents female freedom and the shattering of societal norms. As with all topics on this site, it’s a case of ‘each to their own’. Some women will be mortified by this sort of dynamic, some will be absolutely thrilled at the power and freedom it represents. What is important is the woman’s getting her needs met as a priority.
Similar to cuckolding are the concepts of poly households, whereby the Dominant woman chooses to partner or live with several different submissives. There is also the concept of one-sided open relationships (Such as the case with Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith) whereby it’s decided that the woman is free to pursue other encounters or relationships, but the man is faithful.
It’s important to note that there are many nuances to the cuckolding fetish, including the submissive man’s active participation or preparation of dates for his wife and so on, but it does not have to be the case. The man might be fully accepting of his wife’s power to sleep with other men but have no part in it. For example, a woman might travel for business, and might choose to explore sexual encounters or relationships in other cities. Before returning to the safety and security of a relationship with her husband at home.
From the woman’s perspective, she’s getting her cake and eating it. She has the freedom to explore her sexual desires and to get her needs met and go on adventures. Yet she also has the safety and security of the loving relationship and the solidarity of a supportive partner. A submissive man who not only supports her sexual adventures but is ready at home waiting with dinner on the table with a cocktail and foot massage on her return home.
Meanwhile a service oriented submissive man will be pleased to put his partners pleasure and happiness before his own. He won’t mind her extra-marital activity because he has confidence that she will return home to him, he is owned by her and he will be allowed the privilege to continue to serve her. Her satisfaction comes first.
Alpha women are naturally attractive to younger men, drawing them in like moths to a flame. A dominant woman may choose to cuckold her husband with these younger, more energetic men to get her needs met. As well as cuckolding him, she may also wish to lock him in a chastity device, so that he can’t even enjoy an erection whilst his wife is enjoying her sexual freedom. What a great way to smash through the norms and stereotypes of patriarchy and truly liberate women.
Cuckolding a man is a power trip, and many women will pursue this dynamic as a means of dominating and humiliating their husband. She may decide that her husband is good husband material, but feels she needs something a little extra that her husband can’t provide – her husband can cook, clean, provide and is good at worship, but maybe her husband doesn’t have much staying power? Maybe he is inadequate? Maybe she wants more than just his tongue once in a while.
Maybe she prefers him in chastity, he’s well trained, docile and obedient, why would she wan’t to upset this delightful servile man by having sex with him when she can discreetly take another lover when she pleases?
Any couple exploring this dynamic should tread with caution. It seems that many more talk about cuckoldry than who actually do it. The threat that your partner might do it, or has the freedom to do so, is often enough. It keeps a man on his toes and the power with the woman, the way it should be. Tread carefully, talk to each other about your feelings and enjoy this most thrilling of dynamics.
After a Dominant woman has been with another man apart from her husband, the couple should openly share their feelings and talk freely. The woman shouldn’t be made to feel any form of guilt or embarrassment. Her freedom and her needs come first. Similarly the man might need assurance that he is still able to serve his wife, he might be worried his wife will wander permanently.
A good ritual to embrace these fears is to bond with each other after the man has been cuckolded – he can kneel and worship his wife, express his love, emphasising how lucky he is to be owned by her. He needs to demonstrate how supportive he is of being cuckolded and how happy he is that his wife is sexually liberated.
Are you a cuckold or do you actively cuckold your partner? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Twelve ways to Dominate a man’s body
Here are twelve ways to dominate your man’s body. Use one, or use all twelve, each will stimulate your man’s mind in different ways and dominate his life.
The husband’s body is there for the wife as she sees fit. For her pleasure, amusement or because she wants to control his life or modify his behaviour, because she can.
1. Lock his cock – the most obvious is to lock his cock in chastity. Control the cock, control the man. Once his regular ejaculations have stopped, his behaviour towards you will change. It’s that simple.
2. Trap his balls – His balls are yours to own. Trap them in a humbler, tie them up with elastic bands, remind him who owns them.
3. Plug his ass – Filling your man’s ass with a bulbous butt plug will stretch his cavity ready for pegging, and serve as a constant, uncomfortable reminder of your role in his life. Stretch it gradually and focus on cleanliness to avoid infection.
4. Blindfold him – own what he can see. Deprive him of the ability to see what will happen next when you are pegging him. Allow him to meditate on his submissive duty whilst sitting in silence, blind folded. Deprive his senses to sharpen other feelings.
5. Gag him – stretch your man’s mouth around a ball gag whilst you don’t need him to talk. For example, he doesn’t need to speak when cleaning the house and doing the laundry. You can remove it after he’s finished so he might worship your feet. Fill his mouth with your used panties or simply insist on silence. Like a good servant a husband should learn to only speak when spoken to.
6. Silence his world – like blindfolding or gagging. Restrict his senses by using noise cancelling headphones. He can listen to white noise, recordings of your voice on continual loop or educational podcasts. Whilst you are sitting watching your favourite films or box sets, he can be kneeling before you massaging your feet for a couple of hours, blindfolded and being educated.
7. Torture his nipples – own his body by placing clamps or pegs on his nipples. A highly sensitive area and erogenous zone for a man.
8. Cuff him – bind his hands when he doesn’t need them to keep him out of mischief or when you want to make things difficult for him. There is something beautiful about a man giving oral pleasure when he is cuffed.
9. Collar him – restrict his movement around the house by collaring him and securing him to the spot. Use a leash to control his movements and test his obedience.
10. Regulate his bodily functions – restrict when he can go to the toilet. Insist that he asks permission.
11. Restrict his food – manage your husband’s weight by simply restricting his intake. Basic gruel three times a day will allow him to reach his ideal weight whilst meeting all nutritional needs.
12. Tone his body – demand a workout regime that tones your man’s body the way you want it.
Are there other ways to Dominate a man’s body? Leave your ideas in the comments. ~ Miss Michelle.
Story: Ethan Terrey
This story has been written by Miss Michelle, owner of FemaleLed.info
The words that began Ethan Terrey’s descent into slavery echoed in his head as he stared blankly out the window of his corner office. “You will be at my home and we’ll discuss your future then,” Elizabeth Fairchild said to him 42 years earlier.
Those were the words Ethan Terrey remembered from his youth. The words of Elizabeth Fairchild echoed in his head as he stared blankly out his corner office window. Elizabeth molded him into a slave 42 years earlier. She introduced him to his wife, Maggie, at the conclusion of his senior year and explained how Ethan had been molded beginning with his sophomore year at Wisconsin. Maggie’s funeral was on Ethan’s mind as he pondered his future.
For the first time since college, Ethan was free. He felt a mix of relief and sadness. He experienced the entire emotional cycle of grief including denial and acceptance. His wife and owner of his being was gone. Slavery is more strenuous than most men fantasize. The next chapter of his life was uncertain but nevertheless gave him pause for optimism.
Ethan had not had an unsupervised orgasm from the day he met Miss Elizabeth. During a 38-year marriage he had been trained to obediently fulfill domestic responsibilities; offer sexual devotion; accept strenuous rules of protocol; endured harsh corporal punishment; and even accept that his wife took on other lovers. She wielded control of all finances and made all decisions in their marriage from home décor to vacation planning. Ethan was the workhorse who provided handsomely for their household while treated as a subservient inferior by his wife.
His friends considered him pussy whipped. Two of them in his circle had become lovers to his wife and, after her passing, one of them implied he expected things of Ethan, although he felt too hollowed out to consider what he meant. The financial control of his future would be explained by the lawyer later in the week. Maggie had set up a trust for him, thus ensuring she would still wield control even after her passing.
He was free, but wasn’t. He could lead his life as desired, but still wondered what limitations might be foisted upon him. The day he signed the papers Maggie had him bound face down in their makeshift basement dungeon. He had been punished and tortured into agreeing to the living trust that ensured he would never fully control the wealth he had accumulated in his lifetime.
It was 7:15 am and his mind was foggy. The chastity device he had worn for decades was no longer confining his genitals. He was a real man again, at least on the surface. Four decades of conditioning were hard to break and he teared up thinking of Maggie. She had been loving and they enjoyed wonderful vacations and the pleasure of raising two beautiful daughters. They built a nice home and had good friends, although they all recognized who wore the pants in the family.
It was a 1950s household in reverse. Ethan was always well groomed and attended to guests needs when they entertained. His daughters presumed their father was expected to do laundry and clean. If Ethan wasn’t traveling, Maggie expected him to have a dinner ready for her and the family. If the house was not clean or the yard not properly groomed, there were consequences from mild to severe. Her loss left a big hole for Ethan and, although he expected he would regain control over his life, he wondered how much happiness he could find given the loss of her guidance and power.
It made his life easier in some ways. Slavery was hard. Rules meant that he was always vigilant about performing as expected. He felt in some ways that he had never grown up and stared out the window, suddenly thinking not of his late wife, but of his late teacher and trainer, Elizabeth Fairchild.
As a 19-year old sophomore, he had been ineligible to register for classes. Moneys that were promised by his uncle never materialized and his widowed mother was unable to help. After returning to the Madison campus for the University of Wisconsin, Ethan felt a sense of relief and optimism. He had worked a summer to pay off the lingering debt of his tuition and would find a job as a busboy at a local restaurant. He also applied for financial aid and believed he had a plan that would work.
The only obstacle for him was housing. The prices on apartments was high and his friends from his freshman year were unable to offer him a room in their dwellings. As Ethan pursued the campus ads for housing, one grabbed his attention.
It read:
Ideal situation for financially struggling male student. Widowed homeowner will provide housing in exchange for domestic labor services and home maintenance. Requirements are austere and a detailed interview is required prior to acceptance for the position.
Ethan called and got Elizabeth’s voice on the phone. Her tone was direct and she stated that several boys had already applied, “Why should I accept you?” she asked tersely.
Ethan thought quickly and said, “I really need a place to live and I’ll do the work you want.”
Elizabeth responded by saying that Ethan’s needs were less important to her than her own. She told him that she expected the work to be done without negotiation or hesitation. She added, “A lot of boys need this place and are willing to do the work. You are no different. Why should I interview you?”
“I have skills around the home,” Ethan said while feeling a strange sense of inferiority. He realized he had to prove himself quickly and added. “My uncle taught me how to fix a lot of things around the home and I worked during high school as a landscaping laborer. I think I could do the things you need.”
“Those are good skills,” Elizabeth said unemotionally. “I will grant you an interview. When can you come this week?”
School was starting the second week of September and it was August 31st. He told her he could be there any day she requested and was quickly told to arrive at Elizabeth Fairchild’s home at 10:00 Thursday, two days later. She told him to wear a pair of dark pants, a proper collared shirt and to be properly clean. She promised that the dialogue, even if he weren’t accepted as her resident, would be beneficial. “You will be at my home and we’ll discuss your future then.”
After the call, Ethan sat and stared at his phone. It was weird. Elizabeth was weird. She was direct and a little mean. He was unsure if he should go, but secretly harbored thoughts of shame. The arousal he felt was real and he knew there was no way any fantasies in the dark recesses of his mind would materialize in reality.
* * * * *
Two days later, Ethan arrived five minutes before the appointed time. In the two days since the conversation, he mostly thought about the benefit of having a place to live without tapping into his very limited financial resources. As his six-year old 1972 Chevy Nova winded up the driveway, he saw something akin to an estate located eleven miles from the campus. The drive took him by Kettle Moraine, a hilly area not affected over half a million years by the ebb and flow of massive global glaciation. The landscape was stunning and something he hadn’t ever seen as a flatlander growing up in the south Chicago suburbs.
Trees lined the two acre property and provided a privacy Elizabeth Fairchild relished. The house was a large Georgian brick adorned with a façade of large windows divided into small pains of glass. Ethan immediately wondered if he might be expected to wash those windows, a task he believed could take an entire weekend for the 6,000 square foot two-story mansion.
Elizabeth answered the doorbell and stood silently examining the young man on her porch. She was wearing lime capri pants and a tasteful floral blouse. She was vibrant and petite, although her size belied her formidable power. Even though she was in her late fifties, Ethan found her exceedingly attractive.
“Hi, I’m Ethan,” he said while his feet remained anchored to the porch. Elizabeth’s calm demeanor sent out a hormonal warning not to presume he would be invited in. She instead studied the boy for a moment before standing aside and allowing him into her home.
They sat at the kitchen table which overlooked a beautifully landscaped deck and garden. The dialogue covered a multitude of topics including Ethan’s educational background, the suddenly loss of his father during Ethan’s adolescence, and his financial challenges. Elizabeth probed without hesitation into any subject she deemed worthy of discussing.
Finally she explained that she was widowed and very fortunate for her late husband’s significant financial success. She chose to never remarry and made it her business to mentor young men striving to complete their college education. She bluntly said that Ethan was an exception to her rule of recruiting sophomores because the “break-in period” she envisioned could last between six and twelve months. Ethan was an exception to her rule because, she overtly stated, of his handyman skills and, secretly, she sensed a financial dependence which had already rendered him broken and needy. He was, in a word, submissive by nature.
“Do you have any questions?” she asked.
Ethan asked a lot of expected questions about the room he’d stay in and the expectations she had of his labor services. He asked about keeping food there to eat and how much time he could devoted to his studies in between. Elizabeth answered every question honestly an allowed Ethan to realize that the duties for which he volunteered might be more than originally envisioned.
She asked him, “Did you have any questions about the austerity of my expectations?”
It hit Ethan that the word appeared in her ad and that he hadn’t bothered to look it up. He confessed as much and suffered a stare that made him feel small. Then Elizabeth said, “That’s not a good start for you. I’m extending an offer that can help you achieve collegiate success and you have determined that my words are not enough to comprehend. If you are to fulfill your duties as part of my offer to you, I’d expect you’d be a better listener. What do you think?”
Ethan was embarrassed in a way that Elizabeth enjoyed even though she made no display of it. “Yes. I’m sorry. I should have looked up the word.”
“But you didn’t,” Elizabeth reminded him, offering him no quarter.
“No,” Ethan said, not embarrassed. “I guess I didn’t.”
“There is no guessing. You didn’t.”
Ethan sat quietly, not knowing how to respond to the intimidation, nor recognizing it was a test of his psychology that he was passing with flying colors. Elizabeth could see he was accepting her authority over him. She remained silent and waited for Ethan to speak, but received no response. Even better, she thought. He knows to speak when spoken to.
“Did you?” she asked with rhetorical finality, although expecting an answer.
“No. I didn’t, Ma’am” Ethan admitted, wondering if this would be his last chance for the opportunity. As he sat there, his synapses delivered an internal conversation in nanoseconds about the foolishness of wanting this position while realizing Elizabeth Fairchild might be a psycho. Nevertheless, he sat and answered her query, humbly and obediently.
“Good boy,” she said. “I think we’ve explored enough for today and I would like you to think about my offer to you.” At that point, she stood and retrieved two pieces of paper stapled together. They included a list of house rules and tasks a resident would be expected to fulfill. She slid them to Ethan and explained the next steps in her vetting process.
“You’re not the only boy I am interviewing. I admit you show promise and would benefit greatly under my mentorship. I have one young man always living here until he graduates. That young man could be you. During that time, he abides by my rules and becomes a stellar student with a great future. The conditions are austere…”
She paused and smiled. “But you don’t know what that means do you? Your assignment is two-fold, that is if you wish to be considered. First, look up the word austere. Second, given your future understanding of the word, I expect an application for the position. I want an essay between 600 and 700 words as to why I should grant you this opportunity and how far you are willing to go to earn my guidance.
“Do you have any questions?” she asked with finality.
Ethan glanced at the list, wondering if window washing was on it. He looked up at Elizabeth and said, “No.”
“No, Ma’am.” Elizabeth said.
“No, Ma’am?” Ethan asked curiously.
“No,” Elizbeth said. “Don’t ask. Say it. If you wish to live here for the remainder of your collegiate career without having to spend a penny of your own money, you will learn to say ‘yes, Ma’am’ and ‘no, Ma’am’ when asked questions by me. Understood?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Do you still want to be considered for the position?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Very well. One last thing. You may not ask another person about this. You may not ask your friends or mother. You must review this document, write an essay, and make this decision on your own. Voluntarily. If I choose you, it will be on a day to which you look back that will be one of the best days of your life. I expect you to write the essay tonight and share it with me at the same time tomorrow. I will read it while you are here.
“We have a bit of a problem though, don’t we?”
“What is the problem?” Ethan asked.
“What is the problem….what?” Elizabeth asked.
Ethan sat and looked confused until Elizabeth reminded him of his place and how she was to be addressed. “Ma’am,” she said quietly with a maternal quality.
“Oh,” Ethan said without a hint of resentment. “What is the problem, Ma’am?”
“You drove up from Chicago and it’s 3 hours each way. Do you have a place to stay?”
Ethan realized he had become so mesmerized that the logistics of follow-up meeting never entered his mind. He had money for a hotel, but hated to waste it. Driving back and forth would be a long way for something that might not materialize. Still, he was secretly aroused. Something strange was happening again. The rapid-fire synaptic conversation deep in the recesses of his hormonal boy brain was painting pictures of a relationship that was likely to never materialize.
The thing Ethan didn’t know was that the reality of the relationship would extend far beyond his imagination.
This story has been written by Miss Michelle, owner of FemaleLed.info
copyrighted 2020 – 2022 all rights reserved
VG
How single men can prepare for a life of Female Leadership
Single men, get yourself ready for service!
Single men with submissive desires should prepare themselves for a lifetime of service under female leadership.
Consider adding these skills to make yourself more attractive to your future Dominant wife, add any additional skills in the comments: Continue reading “How single men can prepare for a life of Female Leadership”
Single Dominant women – how to approach them
Queen Stacey is a single Dominant woman. I recently asked her about how men should approach a Domme to increase their chances of success, as well as her unique approach to Female Led Relationships and Female Domination.
Thank you to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always been as I am. I have a dominant personality in everything I do. There was never a time in My life I wanted anything else. I have always either been single, with a stable or in a long-term relationship. I tied up my first boyfriend and edged him for hours. I was a little virgin, but I knew that was the way it was supposed to be.
How would you describe your own personal style of Female Domination?
I have never, ever considered My style. I like what I like. I have My own preferences, but I tend to like different things with different boys. It’s a dynamic that must be examined to find where interests overlap. I am low protocol.
For those not familiar with the term, can do describe “low protocol”?
Low protocol means I expect certain reactions to certain commands verbal or otherwise. I will drop a boy to his knees at any moment I choose for example.
What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
I’m probably not the best person to give advice because I have no experience in finding Myself. As I have stated, I have literally always been Me, even as a sexually developing teen. In My relationships I have always been in control. I have always simply expected it. Therefore, I don’t really have advice for a woman who is new to it, because I never was.
What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I like alpha men; I just prefer them on their knees. My subs, and boyfriends too tend to appear very masculine. I like men I want to talk to, who have something to say. I have no patience for rudeness, not to Me or anyone else.
What should a submissive man do to impress you and stand out from the crowd?
Men very often reach out to Me with this same question, and honestly, I’m not sure. I can say polite conversation is important. Being able to keep up with Me is vital. I’m impressed more by an underlying spark, that is either there or it isn’t. I do have an interview process, and I joke that there is the written test, the interview, and the oral exam. It’s like sitting for the boards. If a man passes all three, I may accept him. I also may not.
I am currently single, which means I have multiple subs. I like to put men in boxes, like toys, and take them out and play with them at my discretion. I am their Domme, not their girlfriend. I play by My rules. If they don’t like it too bad. Now this is Me as a single woman. When I have been in a long-term relationship, it has been more FLR than anything else.
What should a submissive man do to keep you interested in the longer term?
Keep Me amused, and good luck with that.
A recent poll we ran on Tumblr suggests that many men have expressed their submissive feelings towards their partner, yet their partner has yet to fully grasp the reigns of the relationship and taken control. The FLR is stuck in limbo. Have you any suggestions for couples in this predicament?
Leave- you cannot force something that isn’t there. There is no changing anyone’s fundamental personality. I hate inauthenticity. It makes Me want to vomit. The wife who acts like a Domina on a Saturday night to appease her husband just makes us look bad. Do not get Me started on pros, or fins… Prostitution is just repulsive to Me, it is subservient like porn, where costumed women perform for the consumption of men.
Your interview process – What hoops do you put potential suitors through?
Again, the written test, generally a lengthy text conversation. Then we meet publicly and very vanilla. I have a direct conversation with them regarding limits etc. Then I agree to meet, and play. I am very careful not to dive headfirst into the deep end of things until I am completely comfortable. They must be brought to everything slowly. I am not going to ever be someone they talk about in therapy.
What advice would you give to sub men who are unsure about limits? Is it just a case of experimentation?
Declare them, soft and hard. Expect that sometimes they change. Be open about them.
You joked about an “oral exam” as part of your interview process, but is worship a key part of your dynamic?
Oh yes.
I don’t bother teaching these things. If he can’t or won’t follow instructions, I’m done. My adult daughter said to Me not long ago, “remember what you told me when I was young? If he doesn’t eat pussy like it’s his last meal, kick him to the curb” I told her no, I didn’t remember, but it sounded like something I’d say.
Men can be guilty of approaching Dominant women as though they are fetish dispensers, what advice would you give for approaching a single Dominant woman?
That attitude always irritates Me
Talk to a real Domme, not a pro, not a fin.. not some chick in a costume. She is not here to get your rocks off. you serve, not the other way around.
Great advice. Where do his fetishes and desires figure in all of this, in comparison to serving? If it was just about serving sub men would all be working for the women’s shelter?
That’s where communication comes in. That’s where having overlapping kinks helps! I have lots of kinks, and lots of things I won’t do. Dommes have limits too. I use his wants, his needs to get Mine satisfied.
So when approaching a Domme is it best to wait until asked about “wants”?
This is why there’s an interview process.
Thanks again to Queen Stacey for sharing her opinions and experiences.
Feminisation in Female Led Relationships
In this interview Lady Alexa shares her views on Feminisation. Thank you to Lady Alexa for taking the time to share her opinions on Feminisation in Female Led Relationships.
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
I have always liked being in charge in my relationships. I didn’t associate them as a Female Led dynamic, just the way I was. It was later on in the past few years with my husband and through the internet that we found a name for it and learnt some of the more fetish things that go with it. Which are fun.
Q. How did you discover your desire for feminisation?
I like to push boundaries and break social rules. I wanted my husband to wear some feminine articles to spice things up in bed. It took some courage to ask him. It escalated from there as I wanted to keep pushing on.
Q. What is the difference between encouraged and forced in the context of Feminisation?
For me, forced is the male fantasy game for which professional mistresses and websites exist to satisfy – usually in return for money. There’s no such thing as forced. Encouraged is what I do which is to persuade and encourage my husband to cross dress and be feminised. He sometimes requires some encouragement as some of my ideas might sound odd to the current social norm, so that’s encouraged. But he enjoys it too, so it’s not forced. He does need to be told still.
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning of FLR?
The single thing that changed my education was my blog (www.ladyalexauk.com). I like writing so I started to blog about the new FLR/Feminisation lifestyle I was exploring with my husband. We used the internet to look for more about femdom etc. but much was male fantasy nonsense. So, I wrote a real-life version which is far from the fantasy. This led to connections with others and joining other sites such as Fetlife. Through Fetlife we met other couples like us who were normal, i.e., they practised FLR but otherwise lived normal lives. Some of them have become our friends. This then taught us more about FLR.
Q. There are men who want to serve and submit, and there are men that wish to simply cross-dress, then there are feminised men in a FLR. How do you differentiate between the three desires?
I think it’s more complex than those three desires. You can be in an FLR without a feminised man. I also enjoy the power differential between me dressed and my husband naked, exposed or in very feminine clothing.
The idea of men who want to serve and submit is a complex question. Some want it as a game or a release from their male responsibilities, others are more submissive and others, such as my husband, are neither naturally submissive nor need release from responsibilities but just enjoy a strong woman.
I don’t know any men who are simply crossdressers without other element involved such as – fantasy, fetish, FLR, femdom, transgender or whatever. Although I don’t know too many and I haven’t done any proper investigation, so this is anecdotal experience. Another complex question.
Q. Who typically initiates a Feminised FLR?
From my experiences on my blog and with the friends I’ve made in the scene, it’s generally the man. In our case it was me and although I’m not unique in this, this seems to be less common.
There are so many benefits, in my opinion, to feminising a man. Everything from being more attractive to be more gentle and helpful.
Q. What advice would you share with men interested in broaching feminisation with their partner?
Be honest about what you want from the beginning. All my friends and contacts who live an FLR/Feminization lifestyle, the man admitted they enjoyed being feminised/crossdressing early in the relationship. The reason my husband is feminised is that I was straight with him about what I wanted. It’s a tough one and could all go wrong but you need to do it.
The other point for the man is to understand that it’s not all about catering to his desire to swan around in a pretty dress and feel good. What’s in it for the lady? She’s not there just to fulfil your fantasy.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
The same as above. Be honest about what you want. Also, both parties need to understand that the mistress/fetish site thing is fantasy, and this is a real relationship even if you only do it behind closed doors (as we do) or occasionally. A real FLR is like a normal relationship with care and affection, bills to pay and family and friends but with FLR added in as a layer over it.
Q. What qualities do you find attractive in submissive men?
I find no qualities attractive in submissive men. I also find macho masculine men deeply unattractive.
I find men attractive who are independent of thought, have a good education and keep themselves healthy and fit. Men who are able to be comfortable intellectually and physiologically in an FLR and to appreciate the benefits to them and me in an FLR. I do not want to be asked what to do every five minutes by a pathetic submissive. I do want to be shown respect and my desires and wishes looked after because the man enjoys this and wants to see me happy too. Someone who enjoys the disparity in all aspects of the relationship but not because they are a submissive person but because this is what we both enjoy.
Besides, a submissive man is too easy. That’s boring. What’s the fun in that?
Q. Could you share a little of your dynamic, the life you have built with your husband?
The FLR dynamic we have created is quite similar to others we’ve met in the ‘scene’ and nothing like the internet fantasies.
Other than the FLR and feminisation element, we do live very normal lives. An important point is to state that our FLR / husband feminisation, is not public. At our ages, it would probably be too much for our families and friends to take in. The world has moved on and if we were much younger, I think it would have been easier. and I’d want our FRL / feminisation to be public.
That said, my preference even so would be to be more public, and I have broached this idea gently several times with my husband. I would like him to live as a female by outer appearances full time. He does not want to go public. Since this is a consensual relationship, I respect that and live with it. We do share our lifestyle with others like us and when we are alone at home.
That said, I no longer use my husband’s male name or male gender although in public I revert to dear or darling. Otherwise, I will call her Alice or more often girl or girly. I also use princess or petal or flower or other feminine names. I do this outside the home too although not directly in front of others. In conversations in the street of coffee shops or shops yes. She refers to me as Mistress Alexa or Madam.
We enjoy the disparity in levels in the relationship and the naming helps that. This applies to clothing too. At home I’ll wear normal female clothing, including trousers if I wish. Alice is not permitted male clothing at home or even female trousers and uses more feminine and revealing clothing, such as pretty miniskirts or short summer dresses. The more girly the better. I also ask her to be naked or exposed at home when the weather permits it. I like this too as it’s a great power play for me. I like that.
Alice makes the tea and coffee at home and makes and clears the table at mealtimes. She will curtsey when serving me anything. This doesn’t mean she is my slave and I also cook and clean too as we both have jobs and that’s only fair. But I am in charge of things. For example, I might decide to do the washing, but I’ll instruct Alice on her task, maybe dusting or ironing. I do spank my husband but never that hard. It’s more of a way of showing displeasure and control. We’re not into pain. Sometimes it is a light tap on her face other times on her bum. If she’s naked, I will also slap her not-so-privates. These are all really no more than little taps for small disappointments and not BDSM. They will be accompanied by telling her she’s a bad girl or something similar.
Finally, I can’t deny that our lifestyle has a strong frisson of sexual excitement about it. I get off on the power and Alice on the humiliation and submission. This keeps things fresh, and I love to think up new humiliations for her. That said, my husband is not what would be thought about as submissive and externally it would be a surprise to many. I think no one would be surprised at me.
Thank you to Lady Alexa for sharing her views, learn more at HTTP://ladyalexaflr.tumblr.com or www.ladyalexauk.com.
Realistic Female Led Relationships
In this interview Miss Mira expresses her views on “Realistic” Female Led Relationships. Thank you to Miss Mira for taking the time to share her opinions.
Realistic Female led Relationships
Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?
It wasn’t a sudden discovery or even something that I always had. It was rather the result of a series of fortunate experiments. My first experiment in D/s was with a close female friend. She was submissive and she “lured” me into it and although I knew about BDSM on shallow level, I never thought I would get into it, but since that first clumsy experiment it felt so natural and satisfying.
From that point I did a lot of reading about BDSM, but it was a relatively long while until I had another D/s relationship, and it was with a boy. This time I was the “luring” party. I was clearly the dominant in that relationship, and although it was not an FLR, it was at that point that I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be the leader in all aspects regardless of the gender or the partner. Seeking a FLR is not about feminism although I’m a feminist. It is simply seeking something I know I enjoy; I know I deserve, and most importantly I know I can handle.
Q. You have written about your man having humility towards you, could you describe why this is important to you?
I think it is important for the relationship more than it is important to me. The suitable partner should genuinely feel and behave humbly in order to fit naturally in their role. Of course, their humility does not contradict with my respect to them. Humility is not degrading.
Q. You have written about fetish-oriented men approaching you looking to have their kinks explored, versus those genuine submissive men wishing to serve selflessly and dedicate their life to pleasing a dominant. How would you recommend men learn about their difference?
I think the difference is self-explanatory, but in any case, anyone who is willing to make the effort to find a compatible partner can find a lot of resources online, FetLife for example. BDSM is a very vivid and exciting spectrum, and I encourage everyone to read more about in parallel to experimenting to know themselves better and to discover more dimensions of the scene.
Realistic Female Led Relationships by Miss Mira
1. You will adore me, yet I’m not a Goddess, and you are not a slave. I’m mortal. You’re free.
2. You are a normal human being who is submissive and obedient to me.
3. I expect submission and obedience, not because my submissive partner is pathetic or a loser, as I can’t be with such.
4. You have your own job outside, and you are a maid/servant inside. You’d make my coffee and my laundry… because it is your job, that’s not role play. When I ask you to fetch me water or to make me a sandwich I would do it nicely. Like I would do with a regular maid.
5. My partner will speak very politely when they address me, but they don’t call me “Miss” or such, and I don’t call them “slave” or such.
6. Although I may have you kiss my shoes to help you find humility, but when you will clean my shoes it will be with a brush and a cloth, not with your tongue.
7. I may collar/leash/cage you and have you crawl when I feel like it, yet you are not a dog.
8. I’m not mean, and I don’t bark orders. I don’t need to.
9. I have my own job outside, and I enjoy your service inside. I set the rules. I may ask your opinion/advice, but the final decision is mine.
10. My submissive partner is also my maid, servant, cook, butler, waiter, secretary, and errand boy/girl. That doesn’t mean that we won’t joke, fool around, watch a movie, ride a bike, etc… I cannot imagine living without such things, and no it doesn’t contradict with the hierarchy or the D/s dynamic. For instance, does having a friendly/casual boss at work make you forget your duties?
Q. You describe your dynamic as your man having a job but being your maid and servant behind closed doors. Your cook, butler, waiter, secretary and errand boy. You would respect his opinion and advice but ultimately you are final decision maker. How would you recommend that women build their own ideal dynamic?
I don’t consider myself experienced enough to make recommendations, but every person male or female should first understand themselves and what they want, and then set a suitable plan accordingly. I knew I wanted FLR from my experiences and from reading about it. I knew I can take that responsibility, because of my character and my experience in life. I was still 17 years old when I lived abroad to study, and I have been independent ever since.
Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about Female Led Relationships?
To be honest I don’t even remember the first time I discovered the term, but there’s a ton of articles and literature online. In addition to reading, I think the most useful tool was my sceptical mind. I didn’t take everything I read for granted.
Q . What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?
Again, I don’t consider myself an expert, but my opinion is that there is no FLR bible, reading is good, experimenting with reading is even better, but the most important thing is that every person be able to make their own customized dynamic that is suitable for their desires, character, circumstances, etc…
Q. How would you recommend a man expresses his desire to submit and serve a woman who is not familiar with Female Led Relationships?
To men who are genuinely interested in FLR, first please make sure know what FLR is to be sure you are interested in it. I think doing little favours, tasks, chores for the woman would be a nice way to start. I know I appreciate that myself. Definitely don’t start by telling her about what you want to do to her feet. Little normal tasks – be useful.
Q. What led you to setup a profile Fetlife? Can you describe the network to those not familiar?
I knew about FL from before. I had an account and I used it to follow events and kinky friends when I was abroad. I was away from FL for a long time and decided to go back perhaps to find a suitable partner, and if not at least to express my thoughts and wishes about realistic D/s dynamics.
The network as I understand it is a BDSM oriented platform that is a mixture of a Reddit and Facebook. Behind every username there is a real person, so we should remember that and act accordingly when we communicate whether in messages or comments.
Thank you to Miss Mira for sharing her views.
Five parts of a man’s life women can dominate within a Female Led Relationship
Women can dominate men’s life in different ways within a Female Led Relationship.
I found the About FLR website a useful resource when I was learning about Female Led Relationships. In particular, I liked the five food groups. It’s useful when a man is maturing as a submissive and waking up to the fact that a FLR is about service first, not kink.
In fact, I would argue that any couple, within a FLR or not, should discuss the five food groups before a long term relationship, and certainly before living together.
The basic premise is that a couple will argue and friction stems from five key areas, and by discussing and conceding the lead on these five areas to the Female Dominant, the couple has a much more peaceful dynamic and deep understanding of their roles. It’s not a prescriptive formula – but great for discussion, especially when starting out.
The Five Food groups described by AboutFLR are Money, Life Direction, Free Time, Housework and Sex. The website recommends that the Dominant decides how much control she wishes to exert over these five areas dependent on HER wishes.
It might be simple high level oversight or tight micromanagement or somewhere in between. Her decision. Again, to stress it’s just for stimulating conversation on topics that couples argue most about, it’s not a prescription.
The five food groups are as follows:
Women can dominate the money:
For me this has nothing to do with “Findomme” or fetishising money or power, but simply that the Dominant might want to exert her control over financial decision making. Maybe from complete control and allowing the male submissive husband an allowance or just approval for major purchases, whatever level of control she desires. Money is a huge area of conflict for many couples, so the man conceding final power to the woman makes for a much more harmonious relationship.
Women can dominate life direction:
Life direction refers to major life decisions such as moving house, changing jobs or moving to another area. Again, as with money, another source of potential conflict. In some Female Led Relationships the woman has final say on overall life direction and the major decisions of the couple. The submissive man might voice his opinion respectfully, but ultimately the Dominant has final say and makes the decisions for both of them. If the man’s opinion differs from his Dominant, he concedes to her authority because he knows she will make a decision in the best interests of the couple.
Women can dominate his free time:
This area might create a source of conflict for some couples. What does the man do with his spare time? Some women in patriarchal relationships are sport or hobby widows, losing their partner for an entire weekend playing sports or pursuing their interests. In contrast, in a Female Led Dynamic the female leader might decide how he spends his time. Cleaning the house or pampering her perhaps! Pursuing interests might be a special treat for good behaviour. Whatever happens, the woman decides. Her control and smarter decision making strengthens the relationship for both of them.
Women can delegate the housework
In a female dominated relationship the man lives to serve the woman’s needs and make her life easier. She may choose that he helps with housework, that he does the items she doesn’t enjoy doing, or for some couples the Woman outsources all housework, chores and life admin to her submissive husband. Anything to make her happy. A man can follow lists and standing orders, with periodic checks for quality, whilst the woman can either relax or get on with something more interesting.
Women can dominate in the bedroom:
Finally, the woman’s pleasure comes first in a female led relationship. Sex is always on her terms and focussed on her pleasure or what she wants to do. For many couples in a Female Led Dynamic the woman decides if or when the man receives pleasure or an orgasm. Some couples use chastity devices as a means of emphasising the woman’s power. In this instance a man can’t even get an erection without her permission. Submissive men can be trained to provide sexual service to their partner without any need for reciprocation for the man. The submissive man in a FLR should always accept his partner’s advances, learn her preferences, and always follow her lead. For many submissive men, to give is to receive, giving their Dominant pleasure gives them an enormous amount of pleasure.
As I mentioned above, I believe every relationship, FLR or not, should consider these five good groups.
For some reading this, you might seem bewildered why a man might seek this servitude and slave like life, but for a submissive man, it is his life’s desire, to be under the command of a truly dominant woman.
The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed he is
Thank you to Mistress and Tyler for sharing intimate details about their Female Led Relationship dynamic.
It all started when Tyler admitted to his wife that he had self control issues, then asked his wife if she would consider a Female Led Relationship.
Here, Mistress tells us about their dynamic:
Q. It seems your dynamic started via your partner pleading for help. Can you describe how you felt when he first expressed his desire for your control?
At first I was nervous because it was something new to our relationship, And I was told all my life if I acted bossy and demanding I would never find a man to love. This was a very delicate process and situation because of all his past traumas in his youth. So I didn’t want to overly react either way too much and cause him to push away. So I let him explain and I proceeded to process it all with caution.
Q. Did you have any inklings towards Dominance before his confession?
Yes I am a natural at being in control and being bossy. I have found that in any group situations or employment I have had, I naturally became the leader after a very short period of time. But in our relationship, I was always nervous because of his past.
Q. What advice would you give to men considering approaching their partner to confess their porn or masturbation habits?
Time & Place is crucial!! It really is important to be honest but also have it built up too. Meaning, start opening up conversations with her about yourself and thoughts. Make sure you are committed to being loyal to this change before saying it to her, be careful what you wish for!
Q. What has been most useful in your education / learning about Female Led Relationships?
I have tried a few books, websites and podcasts. Some were ok but not many. Mainly because each relationship is different and what works for us may not work for you. However I believe open communication with my sub about limits and how it fits in our relationship and our daily routines is paramount.
Q. Chastity and punishment seem to be key pillars in your relationship, for those new to this topic, how do these elements work and how do they benefit you?
Chastity helps bring focus back to us. And with chastity being mandated at all times. It reinforced the reminder that although something is attached to his body, it no longer belongs to him. Had he been able to make better judgements all those years he had control, then we wouldn’t have come to this situation in the first place. ( I am glad it has turned out this way however) and wouldn’t want it any other way. But it is ownership over his sacred body part. It shows commitment to our values and lifestyle. Punishments enforces boundaries/ Rules set forth in our ever evolving relationship and lifestyle. It assures him that all things and behavior’s matter.
Q. How does his behaviour change after a prolonged period of chastity?
The longer he is in chastity, the more serving, attentive, understanding, loving and committed to my needs above all else. And as he is more focused on me he becomes, the more I give him attention. Plus he gets into a space where he stops worrying about his needs and really becomes very super submissive.
Q. One of your tumblr pictures (https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/post/627098363177943040/sometimes-a-reminder-is-necessary) features your man kneeling behind you, reminding him of his position in the relationship. Can you expand on this scenario and what it means to you both?
That picture I took was after a post sexual release for him. Unfortunately he is a very difficult person, post sexual gratification. It is something I believe most men deal with. They become unruly and sassy almost. Or at least he does. He was wanting to go for a run, yet his chores were not finished, he was talking with a little ego that bubbled up. So after dealing with the issue. I had him drop to the ground. And I decided to have him see where he stands in this relationship. And where his thoughts and unruly behavior post release gets him.
Q. Your man seems to have a thing for feet, How have you used his fetish to your advantage?
Yes this is something a friend of mine told me as we first started dating, and I never knew to what extent it was with him. I use them to arouse him , then deny him as I watch him become obsessed with them. It is asserting control over him and showing him his place at the same time.
Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a Female Led Relationship?
The importance of being open & honest with your partner is so important, I know it sounds cliché. But it really is! Have fun with it, life outside your home is so difficult, this is something you two share as a couple. It is what makes you fulfilled. Don’t shy away from letting yourself try different things that each other likes or want to try. It’s exploring what works and potentially what can take your relationship from 1 to 100 miles per hour in one moment. Also what you see in so many different places like tumblr, Twitter or Fetlife is not how it has to be, and much of it is just over blown to appear to appeal to men for whatever reason. It is about us Women and our needs. Take things at your pace not his or anyone else telling you any different.
Thanks again for Mistress and Tyler for sharing their happy marriage and Female Led Relationship with us. Follow their blog over at https://locked-in-love.tumblr.com/