In the previous articles in this series, I shared how to micro-manage your husband’s social life and the benefits of managing his time; in this final article of the three-part series, we will delve into the steps required to take over his time and manage your mindset.
My goal is that you can savour your free time whilst you have him serve you.
Managing your emotions
Alright, strap in, ladies. Here’s your guide to handling those pesky emotions while masterfully orchestrating your household:
- The Divine Right to Lead: First things first, remind yourself why you’re here. This is not about ego, but rather an elegant dance where he has willingly given you the lead. Hold it with confidence, after all, someone has to lead, and who better than you?
- Befriending Guilt (Or Rather, Banishing It): Ah, guilt – that pesky uninvited guest. When it creeps in as he’s scrubbing away or fetching your third glass of wine, remind yourself: he’s serving willingly. And just between us, a hint of luxury never hurt any queen.
- The All-Important ‘Check-in’: Keeping the dynamic spicy doesn’t mean keeping emotions on ice. A sultry “How are you feeling, darling?” as he’s knee-deep in chores ensures the balance remains more FLR and less feudal lord.
- Cultivating Grace under Command: It’s one thing to command him to serve; it’s another to do so with grace. Remember, he’s not a subject, but a partner who’s willingly stepped into this role. A sprinkle of gratitude amidst the orders keeps the dynamics deliciously enticing.
- Beware the Bubble: While it’s enticing to get lost in the allure of this dynamic, ensure you’re not cocooning yourself in a bubble. Engage in activities outside the FLR space to keep perspectives fresh and connections authentic.
- Jealousy, the Green Monster: Seeing him diligently serve might ignite sparks of envy among your circle. Handle it with grace, humour, and perhaps a sassy quip like, “He’s booked for the next eternity, but I’ll check his schedule for you.”
- The Power of Playfulness: Turn commands into playful requests, chores into challenges. Remember, power is most potent when peppered with play.
Enjoying your free time
Ladies, are you basking in the afterglow of successfully manoeuvring your beau into the wonderful world of household servitude? Bravo! As the dishes sparkle and dinners miraculously appear, you might wonder: What on earth does one do with all this newfound freedom? Fret not, for I’m here to ensure your liberation from laundry leads to nothing short of fabulous.
- Discover ‘You’ 2.0: Remember those forgotten passions and hobbies? The paint set collecting dust, the dance shoes hidden away? It’s time to resurrect them and let your inner artist or salsa queen shine!
- Education, But Make it Fun: Have you always dreamt of being a wine connoisseur or speaking Italian fluently for that one week a year you visit Tuscany? Enrol in fun courses and charm the world, one Pinot or ‘ciao bella’ at a time.
- Self-Care Extravaganza: Create a daily self-care ritual. Whether it’s a bubble bath accompanied by a novel (and not the kind that teaches 101 ways to remove stains), or an elaborate skincare routine, pamper yourself. You’ve earned it.
- Jet, Set, Go: With the household in capable hands, why not take that solo trip or an all-girls weekend getaway? Bali, Paris, or even a luxurious spa retreat in your city. Pack those bags and let wanderlust whisk you away.
- Hostess with the Mostest: Remember when parties meant pre-event anxiety about catering and cleaning? Now, host soirées, brunches, book clubs, or wine nights, confident that the aftermath won’t be your problem.
- Network & Elevate: Engage in activities that can amplify your career or personal growth. Attend seminars, workshops, or networking events. Who knows? You might find other like-minded women with their own FLR success stories!
- Volunteer with Vigor: With so much free time, giving back can be a fulfilling way to spend your day. Engage with local charities, mentor someone, or adopt a cause close to your heart.
- Fitness, but not the Mundane Kind: Now’s the time to try that exotic pole dancing class, underwater yoga, or moonlight mountain trekking. Let adrenaline be your new housemate.
- Retail Therapy, Upgraded: Ever tried personal shopping? With all your free time, dive deep into couture or design your own ensemble. After all, every queen deserves a custom crown (or gown).
Ladies, this isn’t just about the delight of watching your man manoeuvre around mops. It’s about rediscovering yourself sans the chores. Embrace this FLR like the privilege it is. Have him serve you and relax into your role as Queen. While he’s ensuring the silverware shines, ensure your soul does too. Here’s to endless possibilities and unparalleled pampering!
Finally, as we reach the end of this three-part series, let’s recap the steps a Dominant woman takes in managing her husband’s time:
1. Establish Clear Expectations: Discuss with your partner your expectations about his time. It’s vital that he understands what you want and agrees to it.
2. Gain Consent: Make sure he consents to the time control. This means he is voluntarily giving up his autonomy in this area. It’s crucial to check in regularly to ensure he still consents to this arrangement.
3. Set Schedules: Create a daily, weekly, or monthly schedule for him. This could include tasks, chores, free time, work, and other activities.
4. Limit Distractions: If distractions like games, TV, or specific hobbies take up too much of his time, consider setting limits.
5. Use Rewards and Punishments: Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool. Reward him for sticking to the schedule or completing tasks. If he doesn’t follow the agreed-upon schedule, discuss the consequences.
6. Check-in Regularly: Have daily or weekly check-ins to review the schedule, see how he’s feeling, and make any necessary adjustments.
7. Stay Flexible: Understand that life happens. There might be times when he cannot stick to the schedule due to unexpected events.
8. Seek Feedback: Encourage open communication. Ask for his feedback on the schedule, how he feels, and any adjustments he’d like to see.
9. Seek Outside Support: If needed, consider couples counselling or support groups that can provide guidance and advice.
10. Reinforce Obedience: Continual reminders and reinforcement of the established norms can help maintain his obedience. This doesn’t mean being overly strict or punitive but rather a consistent reaffirmation of the relationship dynamics.
11. Maintain Respect: Always respect his feelings and boundaries. Remember that he is a human being with emotions, and the ultimate goal is a harmonious relationship where both partners are happy.
With a firm hand and clear direction, your household can run like a well-oiled machine, all under your expert leadership.
Have him serve whilst you relax- Additional tips:
Rename, reclaim and retrain his popular pastimes: Does he golf on Sundays? Silly goose, Sundays are for couples’ yoga (read: you do yoga, he assists). Saturday pub nights? More like Saturday preparing breakfast for the week nights.
Training courses: Some men, bless them, can’t tell a spatula from a spoon. Enrol him in culinary courses, housekeeping seminars, or the elusive ‘understanding what she means’ workshops.
Hone his hobbies for the household: So, he loves music? Great, ambient sound while you relax is crucial. Painting? Even better – your living room could use a new mural. Remember, every hobby has household potential, and it’s your job to exploit, I mean, explore it.
Silent Servitude: One might argue that a man’s ‘alone time’ is essential. It is, but in proximity. While he enjoys his silent hours he can also serve, he can simultaneously polish your shoes, organize your jewelry, or prep your bath.
Ladies, taking control is an art, a subtle dance. But in this tango, you’re leading. Sure, it might ruffle some feathers initially. But with the right persuasion, training, and maybe a dash of your dazzling charm, you’ll have him wondering how he ever spent his time without your guidance.