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In this interview Charlotte shares her experience of an escort providing Female Domination services as well as how experiences with her submissive partner.  Thank you to Charlotte for taking the time to share her views. 

Interviews with real Dominant Women series

What did you learn about female domination as an escort, what did you learn about male behaviour? Presumably providing services for married men without a FLR dynamic in their relationships at home? 

The main thing I learned was the number of guys out there that desire to submit to women. When I first started providing Mistress / Female Domination services I knew there would be guys out there that would want to book time with me, but I was surprised at the actual interest.

My clients range from all walks of life and of all ages. Most of them are happily married and love their partners very much. A lot of them used feel ashamed to be seeing me and feel that they need to explain to me why they are with me. They say that they have this desire to be controlled by a dominant woman even if it’s just for the short amount of time they are with me. A lot of clients have this guilt about being with me, they feel like they are cheating on their partners and being unfaithful. I strongly disagree with this mindset they have. At the end of the day they are not with me for sex (I don’t have sex with clients), its way more than that.

There are many very attractive escorts out there that they can pay for sex. With me, it’s a psychological reason they are with me, and that reason is their desire to submit to a strong woman, to give up control, to follow my lead and do as I say. I don’t feel like the guys I see are coming exclusively for a sexual release. I may grant them this while with me but its more the domination I provide and lack of control from them they seek.

A lot of my clients have told me they feel like they can’t talk about the subject with their wives or partners, so they seek out a female dominant / Mistress outside of their relationship to live out their fantasy or desire.

Some guys I have met have said they feel like they need to live up to the typical stereotype of what they see a man should be within a relationship. They feel like their desire to submit is something they feel is wrong or shouldn’t happen, “it’s not being a real man”.

One guy recently told me when he feels his needs to be dominated by a woman becoming too much, he books some time with me. He said he sees it as a kind of reset, so then he can go back to his family and carry on being the husband and father he has to be. When he sees me, he’s had to bottle up his feelings so much that he actually cries while he lets it all out.

Some clients act totally different after one of our sessions and have said they needed the time we’ve had. Now they can go about the rest of their day feeling less stressed, reset and more capable to face the world.

You were previously submissive. Are you now 100% Domme or switch? Does experience of being in a submissive position make you a better Dominant? 

I would say I’m 95% Domme. There are the odd times when I’ve had a stressful day that I just want to give up control, but it’s me that tells my boy that’s what I need. So, I suppose that’s still me giving the orders and telling him what I want, so yes maybe I am 100% Domme now I’m thinking about it that way. There are still the odd things my boy does from when he was my dominant that I wouldn’t ever want to change. It’s just the little things he does naturally without giving it a second thought. One of those things is having me walk on his left-hand side. This gentlemanly thing goes back many years. Historically when a man is escorting a woman, he has her on his left-hand side, this leaves his sword arm free to protect her. I love he does this subconsciously and I would never want this to change.

I was my partners submissive for a number of years, so I feel like I have a very good understanding of what it feels like from a submissive position. I know the mindset of a submissive, I know what feels good and what doesn’t, and this makes me a much more complete dominant woman. With clients it’s different from when I’m with my boy, I know him totally. when I first meet a new sub client, I don’t yet know his pain threshold or what makes him tick. I take time to get to know them, I usually get an idea of the kind of submissive they are from the way they conduct themselves when we first meet. A truly submissive guy is very respectful from the outset, it comes natural to them. Their body language changes when they walk in, I can see they drop the bravado and they let go and you can see the real person come out.

It is a sad state of affairs that we live in a society where submissive men can’t be themselves and it’s not socially acceptable to be in service to a woman. If only female led relationships where more common place and discussed more openly. Instead I feel it’s seen more of a kink by people that don’t understand what it truly is.

Of the men visiting you. What was the most common thing you did, or they were requesting to get their fix of submission? 

The most common request is typically that they want to have control took away and be restrained. Another common request is to be fitted with a chastity device for the duration of our time together.

A typical booking with me goes as follows; I great them and bring them into my bedroom before discussing payment and their request. That taken care of I have them remove their clothes and kneel in front of me while I explain to them my rules and what I expect of their behaviour. This is to establish the dynamic of the booking, the nature of how I intend the meeting to go. They are coming to see me for a Mistress / Female Domination experience and not for your typical escort services. They would then be instructed to kiss my feet to show their respect.

Once expectations have been addressed and while they are still knelt at my feet, I then will fit them with a chastity cage, blind fold or hood and wrist restraints. I would then instruct them to stand and offer me their hands which I would them cuff to the top of my four-poster bed. This leaves them in a standing position with their hands fixed above them. I would then move on to flogging, spanking, whipping them while having them thank their Mistress for the attention I’m giving them. Next, I move them to the bed and have them lay face down and fix their wrists to the headboard. More flogging and spanking before having them turn over onto their backs. What follows can vary dependent on the client, it could be nipple clamps fitted, cock and ball torture, urethral sounding etc. This I tend to customise dependent on the clients’ interests. What clients request can vary quite a bit and I try and accommodate the best I can for them as long as they have done as told up to this point. Some are released from their chastity and granted a release; some are given a ruined orgasm and some no release at all. The typical time clients are with me is around 1-2 hours. After, most clients like to spend some time chatting with me about their lives at home or work. This almost feels like they treat as therapy before they leave and go back to their lives.

It satisfies their need to submit to a woman and lose control, even just for the brief time they are with me.

Could you describe the structure of your FLR and any rules or protocols that define your dynamic?

We don’t lead a very strict FLR dynamic like some couples out there. I don’t mean to say that is right or wrong, it’s just what works for us. I don’t have a long list of rules that he needs to follow etc. we are around 18 months into our FLR, so we are still working things out and finding what works and what doesn’t.

The basics of our relationship are, he takes care of my sexual needs absolutely, this comes second to his own. I practice a chastity regime with my boy. He is caged the majority of the time. This we have struggled with this in the past, it has taken quite a while to get a cage that fits him well and he is relatively comfortable with.

He is only allowed sexual release upon my permission and this is something he needs to earn. I have a high sex drive, so he’s not usually caged for long periods of time before he’s released from chastity. Just because he is free from his cage to provide for me sexually does not mean he gets a release himself. I feel this is an important way of keeping him in a submissive state of mind. His release is entirely based on his behaviour and the quality of service he has provided me. I am extending the period of time between his orgasms all the time as the drop off in his submissiveness isn’t something I like. I want him well behaved and submissive and chastity is a time proven way of making this happen.

Our relationship has a good basis in BDSM, it’s something I love and I’m always looking for new things to explore. He is required to do as asked when required, I know he trusts me and also knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Well, nothing I know he couldn’t handle.

He takes care of my feet and nails; they are his responsibility. He provides me with pedicures, manicures and foot massages on a daily basis.

When he enters the house, he immediately greets me by kneeling and offering himself to me and kisses my feet. Similarly, when he leaves the house for work, he kneels and kisses my feet before saying goodbye. He kneels and asks permission before being allowed to enter my bed. He is expected to contact me during the day and tell me if his routine will change so I can keep track of him and know when to expect him home.

I’m not heavy into rules for everything, I personally find it too much hard work to control, and one of the benefits of a FLR for me personally are things being easy for me.  But the rules he does have I strictly enforce.

How does chastity work with your sexual satisfaction? Isn’t a man ineffective in terms of an erection after he has been taken out of chastity?

From my experience this is a myth. With my boy he is more than effective when released from his chastity cage, he tends to be harder and a lot more sensitive to touch and a lot more eager to please me as he knows his performance is directly linked to me granting him release or allowing him to enter me etc. I find male chastity is a sure-fire way of getting the attention and satisfaction I require from him when I want it. He puts my needs and pleasure before his own and becomes very attentive.

As I said before when it comes to long term chastity he is always caged and only allowed out when I choose. So, he may not be caged for long periods of time before being allowed out for service, but once I’ve used him to satisfy me, he is put straight back into his chastity device. I am working on extending the periods between his orgasms all the time and one day I may not grant him to orgasm full stop once he has performed for me, but this remains to be seen. The reason for this is I don’t like the males drop in submissiveness after he as orgasmed. It’s a subconscious thing and natural behaviour for a male and it can take a couple of days for his submissiveness to build back up to a satisfactory level.

What has been the most useful thing when learning about FLR? 

Research and talking to your partner about what you expect. There are lots of good books and blogs out there that can help you decide what it is you want from the relationship. I have read plenty of books on the subject and found the series by J.M Scott particularly useful. The books are full of really good useful advice and tips on FLR. They also talk directly to the woman on how to change your own mindset when it comes to FLR, this was really useful for me personally.

What would you recommend to women reading this who want to explore a FLR with their partner or find a submissive man? 

Again, I’d say research what it is that YOU want from the relationship, once you understand what it is you want then to talk to your partner and discuss your expectations. I think it’s very easy to read some of the books and think oh wow if I want a FLR then I have to do all of this. That isn’t the case at all, you can setup your relationships however you chose. Cherry pick the things you want from the relationship and make it your own.

I found when I was researching that I was becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I read. I felt that to live this kind of relationship that I HAD to do certain things I wasn’t particularly ok with. Make sure the place you do your research is well balanced and well thought out. I early on fell into the trap with a few blogs that left me thinking I don’t want this anymore; I don’t want to treat my boy this way. FLR is like BDSM you can chose how far and what aspects you like. They are couples that only have small aspects of FLR in their relationship, to couples that go to the extreme. Find what works for you and build it up slowly.

If you’re looking to meet a submissive guy, I’d recommend attending some BDSM clubs and meet ups. I personally feel that trying to do this online could be difficult. You’ll get lots of attention from guys who just want to try it for the kink side and aren’t into it becoming a long-term relationship. This is very unfortunate for the genuine guys out there. If you do find a guy online, I think you’d recognise the submissiveness in him after talking for some time hopefully. Me and my boy have been attending BDSM events for years so maybe that’s why I’m more inclined to give the advice of attending meets. Just be careful girls and make sure he’s genuine.

Is your dynamic strictly a confidential dynamic behind closed doors or does it spill out into everyday life with family, friends, in public etc? 

I have a couple of friends that know our dynamic and think it’s amazing, but mostly its behind closed doors. I’m sure people that know a FLR dynamic could recognise it when we’re out and about but on the whole I’m sure we just look like a “normal” couple. I’ve had a couple of people ask why we are so good a couple, and I’ll smile and reply it’s because he does as he’s told with a wink ha-ha!

It appears from your Tumblr blog that you are open to approaches from other men, if this is the case is this for service or cuckolding your partner? 

Yes, this was something I wanted to experiment with, I am very much attracted to the Hotwife / cuckold dynamic. I find it a big turn on and so does my boy, but in reality, I’ve found this to be very much based in fantasy.

During our relationship we have attended swingers clubs, had threesomes and generally been very experimental, but it has always been with my boy, He was always there with me. I actually went as far as finding a guy and going on a date with him but I was instantly turned off by the guys macho behaviour and lack of respect, in fact he was very disrespectful about my boy having made a few comments that he was not a real man or weaker than he was for letting his wife sleep around. I remember staring at this toxic excuse of a man and hating everything about him. I quickly ended the date and returned home and was greeted by my boy on his knees with a heart full of love and respect for me. He made me very proud that night. Submissive guys are not weak at all, they are strong loving gentleman with upmost respect for the women they love ~ Charlotte.

https://onlyfans.com/charlotte4fun/videos

https://flr-hisonlythought.tumblr.com/

In this interview Sarah shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR. Thank you to Sarah for taking the time to share her views

Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

Like many women I was having difficult expressing myself in traditional male-led relationship where the man is macho and dominant. I hated all the egotistical and chauvinistic behaviour and found it toxic and oppressive to be around. This isn’t a generalisation of all marriages – but it was my experience of several attempts at traditional male/female relationships. They were not working out for me and I began to sense something within me needed expressing. I noticed from a young age that I was the bossy type and I received feedback from early flings relationships to confirm this. I soon discovered I was not only dominant but sexually dominant too.

I began to realise the reason my early relationships had failed was because the dominant side of me was not being addressed, I had no desire for a traditional male-led relationship at home. I’d never been given any information or a safe space to express that side of me and it was beginning to boil over and upset the traditional relationships I was in. I soon learnt that I needed to find out more about this side of myself if I was to be successful in any relationships.

By this time, I was in my twenties and I started reading lots of articles, blogs and books on Dominant Women and in doing so came across the Female Led Relationship (FLR). I knew after researching this subject for some time I needed a FLR going forward and a partner that would support and encourage that side of me. I was sceptical at first and never thought there would be any men out there that would prefer the woman to rule the roost, I was so wrong.

Q. How did you find your current partner and what did you learn about yourself whilst looking for him?

Some girlfriends of mine were using dating apps. I was out one night with this group of friends having drinks and I overheard one of them saying to another friend she’d been chatting to a guy she liked the look of, but she had some reservations because on his profile he said he was submissive.

This wasn’t sitting right with her and I could tell she had no knowledge of what that meant. She instantly thought it was weird and perverted and it was a shame as apart from that he seemed like a great guy and he was very attractive.

I didn’t try to correct her assumptions about submissive men as I still wasn’t comfortable sharing what I’d been learning about. The next day I signed up for a dating app, not necessarily to find someone but my interest was piqued by this report of guys openly identifying as submissive. To my surprise there was a lot of guys on this app with similar confessions, so I gathered up the courage after snooping around on there a few days to set up a profile. I made it in the normal way only I added that I was dominant and looking for a submissive type male. Then the flood gates opened, and I was inundated!

It gave me such a confidence boost and made me realise I definitely wasn’t alone in wanting an untraditional type relationship. After several weeks and dates I found my boy. We’re now six years down the line.

Q. How did you go from “inundated” with interest to filtering through to your boy? What advice would you give to other women looking or men advertising themselves?

I sorted through the responses much like you would for any other date interest, you know, location, commitments, character, looks, age etc just with the caveat that they must be submissive. I was somewhat naïve at that stage about submissive men and was probably very lucky to date and choose a guy that was genuinely submissive and looking for something long-term.

In terms of men advertising themselves, this is a massive area and I urge submissive men to do your research. Much has been written on the subject so if you are a sub guy it will vastly improve your chances if you have a well thought out profile and an understanding of how Dominant women liked to be approached online. There are hundreds of sub guys to every openly dominant woman which is a big problem.

You need to stand out and understand how to communicate with Dominant Women before attempting to contact one. I can personally attest to this situation as I run a Tumblr blog about my FLR https://female-led-couple.tumblr.com/ where I get inundated with male subs contacting me daily offering their services.

Good news then for the girls, we obviously have the upper hand and have a lot to choose from however you’re going to have to sort the wheat from the chaff and there are many sub wannabes out there just looking for their fetish fix. Hence the need for the well thought out profile and correct approach boys. Do your research!

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR? What should women consider when designing their own dynamic?

If you a woman and you’ve come this far and started researching the subject, then well done you! You are a rare breed of person that has the intelligence and courage to go against social norms imposed upon you from a young age and get out there and find what you feel will serve your life best despite what society expects you to do and act like.

If that’s you I salute you and you’re the kind of person I’d love to hear from and connect with. Us FLR woman should stick together, you know where to find me (https://female-led-couple.tumblr.com/).

The great thing about a FLR is there’s no right or wrong way and there’s many levels to suit your style. It is a FEMALE led relationship which means it’s all about you and your personal requirements. You can have a basic wife led style of relationship where you make basic decisions about the direction of your lives all the way through to a kinkier based FLR where he is totally under your direction and control. It is entirely up to you.

A genuine submissive male will support and encourage you, whichever way you decide to steer your relationship together. The levels of trust, intimacy and connection in these relationships is second to none and I couldn’t imagine my life without a submissive partner. It obviously takes time and commitment like any other relationship but once you’ve found your style and rhythm there’s genuinely nothing like a loving, caring FLR

If you think this all sounds too good to be true like I did then you’re in for a pleasant surprise, there are genuinely millions of men out there desperate for this type of dynamic and want nothing more than to support and serve you whole heartedly if you have the courage to lead him on your journey together. With regards to designing your FLR the world is your oyster its entirely about what you desire from your relationship and the direction you want to explore your dominance over him.

Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about FLR?

It has been great to feel that I’m not alone and there is a huge community out there which is very welcoming and inclusive. There is so much support and great information out there to help you when you start researching it’s like you’ve opened an Aladdin’s cave and a whole new kinky fun world to explore if you want to. The community is a treasure trove of information and has some amazing intelligent people out there. I’m still learning now 5 years into my FLR journey.

There are some great articles, blogs and websites like this one full of information out there and the community can be found on sites like Fetlife and Tumblr. Also, I’ve found some very useful books on the subject of FLR to get you started if you’d prefer to learn more that way.

Q. What qualities do you find most attractive in submissive men?

There are many but what stands out is his bravery and courage to turn his back on what society and culture demands of men these days. A submissive man is generally considered weak, a sissy or a doormat by people who have little knowledge of submissive men, they couldn’t be further from the truth.

Submissive men are brave and intelligent individuals who have turned their back on cultural norms to surrender and obey the woman he loves. They are rare individuals to be cherished by a woman with any sense. In daily life he is likely to be successful, highly motivated, creative, competitive, articulate and intelligent but alone at home with her he is submissive and only truly comfortable and at ease surrendered under her direction and guidance.

When out together in public he will likely to be chivalrous and gentlemanly around you, opening doors, giving up seats, carrying your bags etc. He will be interested in her and her femininity which makes him very attentive to her needs, very obedient and eager to please domestically but also sexually. Trust me you haven’t had an orgasm unless you’ve had a well-trained sub male down on you before.

Above all this however he’s yours to train, mould and lead in your own fashion, there’s nothing quite like it and once the dynamic is set and he’s clear on your expectations and rules no other type of relationship can get near the levels of intimacy and understanding you have between you. It’s the relationship you’ve seen other couples be in and be jealous off, good chance there was FLR or had elements of it naturally.

Q. How have you structured your own FLR? What rules and rituals are in place and how did you go from first date / getting to know you through to collared and compliant?

Firstly, you should know that my FLR is 5 years in and well established with a ton of research done before I even started looking for a sub. So, for some starting out this may seem a little overbearing, however once you start down your chosen FLR style you will probably find you will evolve and grow it as your roles deepen within the relationship.

I have quite a kink orientated style and a big D/s element to my FLR with total power exchange and domestic discipline entwined within it. So, the first thing I should say is I keep my sub hubby in chastity which is quite common with established FLR and require my sub to be naked and collared at home when he’s serving me. It maintains the Dominant submissive dynamic very nicely with little effort on my part which is how things should be for a woman in a FLR.

My sub takes care of all the household chores like cooking, cleaning and laundry and he has set rules and protocols in place to maintain our dynamic which he must remember such as kneeling before me and seeking me out as soon as he’s home to offer his service to me. There are lots of other techniques and skills I’ve learnt over the years to keep my sub in a heighten state of submission to me which I go into great detail in my Tumblr blog if you wish to know more.

Now to some this may seem mean or cruel, but I can assure you my boy has never been happier and is very content under my strict regime for him. I take his health and wellbeing extremely seriously and as such he is a very fit health man both physically and mentally. I’m like a life coach to him as well as his wife and MS as he calls me. We are both very happy with are arrangement and we talk regularly about our dynamic should either of us have concerns or ideas that need changing.

A good FLR is always evolving and adapting as you grow into it together and the orgasms and sex for me is off the chart amazing with a willing submissive male at my beck and call. As I said this level of D/s isn’t for everyone and you can have just as a fulfilling FLR with no or little kink as you want its entirely up to you and how you see the dynamic working for you. Get out there and find a submissive male partner, you won’t regret it I assure you.

Q. For women reading this that are curious and want to know more, what should they do first?

I think it depends on her personal situation. There are three possibilities here:

1. Like me she’s fed up with traditional type relationships and is seeking a more female led arrangement
2. She’s already in a traditional relationship and wants to approach her partner about her taking more decisions about their relationship
3. Her current male partner has submissive feelings and has inquired with her about her taking charge of their relationship.

I imagine in either case she’s feeling a little overwhelmed at this stage but fear not, you are about to start an exciting journey and your home life is about to get a whole lot better. There is a huge amount of information and support out there in any of these situations and I would recommend reading up on the subject as much as possible to discover what steps you can take.

Remember this about you as the woman and not fulfilling what a male partner wants. So, for beginners there are really helpful books to get you started and J.M Scoot is a wonderful lady and has a three-part series called Practical FLR which I highly recommend she also has a Tumblr blog you can check out.

The other book/Manual I would recommend is Scarlet’s Guide (https://scarletsguide.wordpress.com/)

Always remember you are not alone and there is a huge community out there that would be very happy to help you out as best they can with questions and ideas. My door is always open if you want to chat, especially to women reaching out for support. You are about to embark on an incredibly exciting period of your life and I’m kind of jealous as I know what’s in store for you! Good luck and welcome to the FLR community. ~ Sarah