Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose

Serving women provides a great sense of purpose
Serving women provides a man focus and a great sense of purpose

Being obedient to a Dominant woman and living a life of servitude under her leadership can provide submissive men an enormous sense of calm and deep-rooted feeling of contentment. Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose.

His new role in life, when he becomes a partner to a Dominant woman, is to serve.

Through his dedicated service he gains great clarity about what his life is all about, why he exists, what life is for. He exists to serve her. His goal in life is to obey and please. By meeting this goal, obeying her wishes and pleasing her, he reaches fulfilment in his life. His life has meaning.

Many men get distracted as to what their goal is, perhaps by embarrassment at being submissive or the expectations of friends, family and society as to “what a man is”. True happiness comes from recognising that submission is natural and society expectations are toxic.

The role of the dominant is to remind him of his purpose and keep him on track. Like an overexcited puppy straining at the leash, sometimes a light tug in the right direction is all that is needed to remind him of his place in your life, at your feet.

From a dominant woman seeking a man with purpose:

“I want a man that understands obedience. I want a man that structures his whole life around making me happy. My man will follow my rules every day and will always be striving to please me. Through serving me, his life will have real focus and purpose. My man will wholeheartedly accept my training to make him a better husband. He will be my bitch, and he will gain an enormous sense of purpose, calm and wellbeing by being my bitch”

With this clarity of purpose comes an enormous sense of calm, focus and wellbeing. The submissive man has one goal, to follow her rules and be as attentive and considerate as he can.

Men excel under strong female leadership. Set him clear rules and boundaries and provide feedback on his performance. He is eager to please and be useful, use it to your advantage.

He can relax, knowing that she is in charge and she will take care of the important decision making. Of course, if permitted he can add his well-considered and polite input, but ultimately, he can relax knowing, as the leader, she will make the best decisions for both of them. By letting go of  major decision making and focussing on service, a submissive man can attain an enormous sense of calm and contentedness in his life.

For women wanted to lead in their relationships there are three simple elements to consider providing your man a sense of purpose, and therefore happiness:

  1. Set clear goals and boundaries – Be absolutely clear on what good looks like. Set him a definitive list of things he must do, the standards you expect and what he needs to do to please you. Don’t worry if this sounds onerous, it’s his job to create and maintain the list!
  2. Let him know when he has pleased you – reward good behaviour. A simple “good boy” and pat on the bottom does wonders to the psyche of a submissive man.
  3. Let him know when he has disappointed you – Be crystal clear about when he doesn’t meet your standards and has not pleased you and follow through with your own version of punishment.

Many women create unique reward and punishment systems to modify the behaviour of their submissive man over time. As with all things FLR, there is no right way or wrong way to do this. It’s your relationship and you are the boss, but it is recommended that you set standards and provide crystal clear feedback.

Finally, control is maintained by keeping your submissive in a subservient state of mind. Dominants use their authority to “snap” him into the right mindset. For example, Female-Led-Couple writes:

“He comes out of subspace to go to work or to go out away from me, other than that no, at home I expect and require him to be in a heightened state of submission and service to me. I keep him under my control when in my presence at all times. When he returns home, I simply click my fingers and offer my heels or feet to lick to bring him back under my spell.”

By knowing where he stands at all times, he can focus on pleasing you and following your leadership and live a happy and fulfilling life of service.

Interviews with real dominant women series: “Remember this is about what you as the woman wants and not fulfilling what a male partner wants”

In this interview Sarah shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR. Thank you to Sarah for taking the time to share her views

Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

Like many women I was having difficult expressing myself in traditional male-led relationship where the man is macho and dominant. I hated all the egotistical and chauvinistic behaviour and found it toxic and oppressive to be around. This isn’t a generalisation of all marriages – but it was my experience of several attempts at traditional male/female relationships. They were not working out for me and I began to sense something within me needed expressing. I noticed from a young age that I was the bossy type and I received feedback from early flings relationships to confirm this. I soon discovered I was not only dominant but sexually dominant too.

I began to realise the reason my early relationships had failed was because the dominant side of me was not being addressed, I had no desire for a traditional male-led relationship at home. I’d never been given any information or a safe space to express that side of me and it was beginning to boil over and upset the traditional relationships I was in. I soon learnt that I needed to find out more about this side of myself if I was to be successful in any relationships.

By this time, I was in my twenties and I started reading lots of articles, blogs and books on Dominant Women and in doing so came across the Female Led Relationship (FLR). I knew after researching this subject for some time I needed a FLR going forward and a partner that would support and encourage that side of me. I was sceptical at first and never thought there would be any men out there that would prefer the woman to rule the roost, I was so wrong.

Q. How did you find your current partner and what did you learn about yourself whilst looking for him?

Some girlfriends of mine were using dating apps. I was out one night with this group of friends having drinks and I overheard one of them saying to another friend she’d been chatting to a guy she liked the look of, but she had some reservations because on his profile he said he was submissive.

This wasn’t sitting right with her and I could tell she had no knowledge of what that meant. She instantly thought it was weird and perverted and it was a shame as apart from that he seemed like a great guy and he was very attractive.

I didn’t try to correct her assumptions about submissive men as I still wasn’t comfortable sharing what I’d been learning about. The next day I signed up for a dating app, not necessarily to find someone but my interest was piqued by this report of guys openly identifying as submissive. To my surprise there was a lot of guys on this app with similar confessions, so I gathered up the courage after snooping around on there a few days to set up a profile. I made it in the normal way only I added that I was dominant and looking for a submissive type male. Then the flood gates opened, and I was inundated!

It gave me such a confidence boost and made me realise I definitely wasn’t alone in wanting an untraditional type relationship. After several weeks and dates I found my boy. We’re now six years down the line.

Q. How did you go from “inundated” with interest to filtering through to your boy? What advice would you give to other women looking or men advertising themselves?

I sorted through the responses much like you would for any other date interest, you know, location, commitments, character, looks, age etc just with the caveat that they must be submissive. I was somewhat naïve at that stage about submissive men and was probably very lucky to date and choose a guy that was genuinely submissive and looking for something long-term.

In terms of men advertising themselves, this is a massive area and I urge submissive men to do your research. Much has been written on the subject so if you are a sub guy it will vastly improve your chances if you have a well thought out profile and an understanding of how Dominant women liked to be approached online. There are hundreds of sub guys to every openly dominant woman which is a big problem.

You need to stand out and understand how to communicate with Dominant Women before attempting to contact one. I can personally attest to this situation as I run a Tumblr blog about my FLR where I get inundated with male subs contacting me daily offering their services.

Good news then for the girls, we obviously have the upper hand and have a lot to choose from however you’re going to have to sort the wheat from the chaff and there are many sub wannabes out there just looking for their fetish fix. Hence the need for the well thought out profile and correct approach boys. Do your research!

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR? What should women consider when designing their own dynamic?

If you a woman and you’ve come this far and started researching the subject, then well done you! You are a rare breed of person that has the intelligence and courage to go against social norms imposed upon you from a young age and get out there and find what you feel will serve your life best despite what society expects you to do and act like.

If that’s you I salute you and you’re the kind of person I’d love to hear from and connect with. Us FLR woman should stick together, you know where to find me (

The great thing about a FLR is there’s no right or wrong way and there’s many levels to suit your style. It is a FEMALE led relationship which means it’s all about you and your personal requirements. You can have a basic wife led style of relationship where you make basic decisions about the direction of your lives all the way through to a kinkier based FLR where he is totally under your direction and control. It is entirely up to you.

A genuine submissive male will support and encourage you, whichever way you decide to steer your relationship together. The levels of trust, intimacy and connection in these relationships is second to none and I couldn’t imagine my life without a submissive partner. It obviously takes time and commitment like any other relationship but once you’ve found your style and rhythm there’s genuinely nothing like a loving, caring FLR

If you think this all sounds too good to be true like I did then you’re in for a pleasant surprise, there are genuinely millions of men out there desperate for this type of dynamic and want nothing more than to support and serve you whole heartedly if you have the courage to lead him on your journey together. With regards to designing your FLR the world is your oyster its entirely about what you desire from your relationship and the direction you want to explore your dominance over him.

Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about FLR?

It has been great to feel that I’m not alone and there is a huge community out there which is very welcoming and inclusive. There is so much support and great information out there to help you when you start researching it’s like you’ve opened an Aladdin’s cave and a whole new kinky fun world to explore if you want to. The community is a treasure trove of information and has some amazing intelligent people out there. I’m still learning now 5 years into my FLR journey.

There are some great articles, blogs and websites like this one full of information out there and the community can be found on sites like Fetlife and Tumblr. Also, I’ve found some very useful books on the subject of FLR to get you started if you’d prefer to learn more that way.

Q. What qualities do you find most attractive in submissive men?

There are many but what stands out is his bravery and courage to turn his back on what society and culture demands of men these days. A submissive man is generally considered weak, a sissy or a doormat by people who have little knowledge of submissive men, they couldn’t be further from the truth.

Submissive men are brave and intelligent individuals who have turned their back on cultural norms to surrender and obey the woman he loves. They are rare individuals to be cherished by a woman with any sense. In daily life he is likely to be successful, highly motivated, creative, competitive, articulate and intelligent but alone at home with her he is submissive and only truly comfortable and at ease surrendered under her direction and guidance.

When out together in public he will likely to be chivalrous and gentlemanly around you, opening doors, giving up seats, carrying your bags etc. He will be interested in her and her femininity which makes him very attentive to her needs, very obedient and eager to please domestically but also sexually. Trust me you haven’t had an orgasm unless you’ve had a well-trained sub male down on you before.

Above all this however he’s yours to train, mould and lead in your own fashion, there’s nothing quite like it and once the dynamic is set and he’s clear on your expectations and rules no other type of relationship can get near the levels of intimacy and understanding you have between you. It’s the relationship you’ve seen other couples be in and be jealous off, good chance there was FLR or had elements of it naturally.

Q. How have you structured your own FLR? What rules and rituals are in place and how did you go from first date / getting to know you through to collared and compliant?

Firstly, you should know that my FLR is 5 years in and well established with a ton of research done before I even started looking for a sub. So, for some starting out this may seem a little overbearing, however once you start down your chosen FLR style you will probably find you will evolve and grow it as your roles deepen within the relationship.

I have quite a kink orientated style and a big D/s element to my FLR with total power exchange and domestic discipline entwined within it. So, the first thing I should say is I keep my sub hubby in chastity which is quite common with established FLR and require my sub to be naked and collared at home when he’s serving me. It maintains the Dominant submissive dynamic very nicely with little effort on my part which is how things should be for a woman in a FLR.

My sub takes care of all the household chores like cooking, cleaning and laundry and he has set rules and protocols in place to maintain our dynamic which he must remember such as kneeling before me and seeking me out as soon as he’s home to offer his service to me. There are lots of other techniques and skills I’ve learnt over the years to keep my sub in a heighten state of submission to me which I go into great detail in my Tumblr blog if you wish to know more.

Now to some this may seem mean or cruel, but I can assure you my boy has never been happier and is very content under my strict regime for him. I take his health and wellbeing extremely seriously and as such he is a very fit health man both physically and mentally. I’m like a life coach to him as well as his wife and MS as he calls me. We are both very happy with are arrangement and we talk regularly about our dynamic should either of us have concerns or ideas that need changing.

A good FLR is always evolving and adapting as you grow into it together and the orgasms and sex for me is off the chart amazing with a willing submissive male at my beck and call. As I said this level of D/s isn’t for everyone and you can have just as a fulfilling FLR with no or little kink as you want its entirely up to you and how you see the dynamic working for you. Get out there and find a submissive male partner, you won’t regret it I assure you.

Q. For women reading this that are curious and want to know more, what should they do first?

I think it depends on her personal situation. There are three possibilities here:

  1. Like me she’s fed up with traditional type relationships and is seeking a more female led arrangement
  2. She’s already in a traditional relationship and wants to approach her partner about her taking more decisions about their relationship
  3. Her current male partner has submissive feelings and has inquired with her about her taking charge of their relationship.

I imagine in either case she’s feeling a little overwhelmed at this stage but fear not, you are about to start an exciting journey and your home life is about to get a whole lot better. There is a huge amount of information and support out there in any of these situations and I would recommend reading up on the subject as much as possible to discover what steps you can take.

Remember this about you as the woman and not fulfilling what a male partner wants. So, for beginners there are really helpful books to get you started and J.M Scoot is a wonderful lady and has a three-part series called Practical FLR which I highly recommend she also has a Tumblr blog you can check out.

The other book/Manual I would recommend is Scarlet’s Guide (

Always remember you are not alone and there is a huge community out there that would be very happy to help you out as best they can with questions and ideas. My door is always open if you want to chat, especially to women reaching out for support. You are about to embark on an incredibly exciting period of your life and I’m kind of jealous as I know what’s in store for you! Good luck and welcome to the FLR community. ~ Sarah

Interviews with real dominant women series: The most attractive quality in a submissive man? “his surrender”

In this interview Michelle shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR.

How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

I did not ‘discover’ I was ‘interested’ in a FLR. But rather came to realise I have always lived a FLR at one level or another. Through conversations and reading material I realized it was naturally who I am and the way I have lived and desire to live.

I realized it was exactly what my grandparents and great grandparents lived. My great grandfather had told me about my great grandmother and their FLR dynamic. It was a matriarchy marriage, and he worshiped the ground she walked on and loved her with the depth and whole of his heart and soul.

She ran the businesses and was head of the house, and he worked under her direction and guidance and was happy to do so. He supported her and found her to be a great leader. Even in his nineties he could not imagine nor want anything any other way.

I realized it was natural, many people live this way, and it came natural to me to live this way.

What has been your most useful in your education about Female Led Relationships?

Finding the title for the lifestyle (Female Led Relationships) was a door opening to what I searched for and helped me find like-minded individuals and the FLR community. Without the proper terminology it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.

The material I read and people with whom I spoke gave me more direction, advice, guidance, reassurance, and I realized at what depth I already understood FLR and that it was natural for me. I didn’t find anything to be new or foreign to me other than the terminology and abbreviations. Knowing the terminology and abbreviations were essential in order for me to find like-minded men in my search: men willing to serve.

What element of a FLR resonates with you most?

There is not one element over another, it is the whole. When a man surrenders to a true female led dynamic, a woman can be sure he is fully committed, and she is not left wondering. She is secure and can let go of insecurities which may have been there otherwise.

What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

The structure of a Female Led Relationship brings balance and security into the relationship. Women are natural leaders. They lead in every aspect of their life even if they do not identify it or are not recognized for it.

The natural maternal abilities of women help them to make better decisions, thinking with depth and thoroughness. To multitask. Men do not typically have these abilities.

Women who lead in their relationship (FLR) will find the stresses and concerns they experienced in a traditional participial relationship will dissipate. The man will have his focus on her and her needs. His surrender will bring forth a level of intimacy and dedication that neither of them would have experienced in other relationships.

She will be sexually satisfied and have the security and safety which isn’t always present in a patriarchal relationship. It’s exhilarating, no relationship can compare to the depth of love, trust, devotion, loyalty and dedication a FLR can offer a couple.

Ideal qualities you find attractive in submissive men?

Their desire to surrender. Their attentiveness. How they use and practice traditional gentleman practices, simple things like helping her with her coat, getting the door, holding the umbrella, holding her chair for her, serving her food and drink. Making her a priority, attending to her needs, anticipating her needs without her having to dictate every little need, him placing her sexual needs before his.

These gentlemen are more focused on her and making her life easier. His focus is on her rather than on other women. He keeps his focus on her and trusts her decision making.

What are the key considerations when women design their ideal FLR?

While considering a FLR women will take many things into consideration. I can’t speak for every woman.

Although, in general, I do feel many women will be concerned if there will be resistance from the male. How much more work will it be for her and how time consuming it will be for her? Will it be more work for her than she already has? Will it be worth her efforts?

Many women do not realize that the delegation of responsibilities is up to her and for the most part she is doing most of the work already. With her guidance, her instructions, feedback and rules in place it makes it easier for the couple to know what is expected. Everything will be done to her expectations. Once he is taught how she needs things done life becomes much easier for everyone.

Women are great at time and money management. These two alone will be very beneficial to the way they live. When done to her exact specifications there will be less money and time wasted making life easier.

Women do not typically enjoy bringing pain to another living being, not emotional, nor physical pain or discomfort.

She must recognize that as a Wife, Mother, Nurse, Doctor, Teacher, (Her roles are extensive) that it is often painful for the other person she helps. Discipline and punishment as well as rules and requirements may not always be easy. However, she is administering these to those she loves for the better good of the individual, relationship and the family as a whole.

When she takes these into consideration, she will realize she is designing a FLR in which they will be living, and it will be in the best interest of all. She will create the perfect balance in which will remove obstacles and challenges which were in previous relationships or her current relationship if that is what she is restructuring.

She takes into consideration how her partner may not place her needs before his and how frustrated she is, how unfulfilled she is, not that she is selfish because a woman typically puts everyone else before her own needs. In a FLR she gets what she needs, and it brings balance to the relationship.

She gets 2 votes, he gets 1, and because she leads in a FLR arguments, disagreements, security, cheating, financial issues and wasteful spending, distrust, and other negatives dissipate. She takes it into consideration how to structure her relationship to eliminate the negatives and create the perfect for them relationship lifestyle.

Women typically take every aspect of a relationship into consideration, it’s not narrowly focused.

How would you recommend women explore a FLR?

I would recommend women explore the information available to them about the basic food groups of a FLR (Life choices, sex, money, housework, free time). Take what resonates with them, and they are comfortable with. Decide where they would like to start and approach their partner with a trial basis of let’s say one to three months of the woman being in charge at her level of comfort. Taking small steps to not overwhelm herself.

Most likely she is already making the basic FLR decisions in the relationship, it is simply not acknowledged.

She could write up a short list of rules to start with and present them to her partner with a full understanding that there will be consequences of punishment. Weekly or even daily discipline will be in place to ensure the mindset that she is in charge. Some men will not welcome discipline or punishment, in this instance it may come to the forefront that possibly he is not a good match for her.

Miss Michelle

The ritual of oral worship in Female Led Relationships

Many couples in Female Led Relationships enjoy oral worship as a regular ritual to reinforce their dynamic.

Of course, as with all things FLR, it should be based on the woman’s choices and preferences.

Some women don’t enjoy receiving oral sex, and in some cases the desire of the man to worship her exceeds that of the female leader. In such cases oral worship might be used as an occasional reward for good behaviour, or never at all, the woman is in charge and is free to decide.

For women who do enjoy it, it can be a very powerful technique for strengthening her authority, allowing her subordinate to show his devotion, and building an intimate connection. Not to mention her orgasms.

Here are some considerations for maximising your pleasure based on conversations with real dominant women:

Five C’s of oral worship in FLRs

  1. Comfort: your comfort and ability to relax is paramount. Choose positions that enable you to climax and the ignore gymnastic poses portrayed in femdom porn.
  2. Collar – a collar, which could be as significant as a leather dog collar and leash, to as subtle as a thin strand of ribbon, is a symbolic reminder of who is is boss and in control. It can be used as a mental trigger to remind your man its time for worship or total obedience.
  3. Cuffs – if you don’t need his fingers to get you off, lock them away behind his back, a blindfold will also sharpen his senses and help him focus his mind on your pleasure.
  4. Chastity – oral worship could be a foreplay technique, or a ritual on its own with no follow on. Either way, your man must understand that there is zero chance of reciprocation and he must worship for as long as required. It’s common knowledge that a woman is much more likely to orgasm if she feels a) unhurried and b) not obliged to reciprocate. Chastity (locking a man’s parts to prevent erection or release) is a good way to reinforce this dynamic. He gets unlocked only when you are fully satisfied, or perhaps not at all, you are the boss.
  5. Control – men sometimes have the mistaken belief that worship or serving a woman entitles then to something or earns them brownie points. Ignore this juvenile behaviour, a true submissive man knows that serving a dominant woman is a privilege and is delighted to serve for service sake. Instil in your man’s mind that going down on you is a reward and earns him nothing.

Furthermore, you are in control. You determine when worship happens, if at all. A well trained submissive will serve at the crook of your finger, on demand and with gratitude.

Oral worship etiquette tips for men

  1. Worship on command and without hesitation, unreserved obedience allows allow your partner’s dominance to blossom.
  2. Keep going until told to stop – she is much more likely to orgasm if she feels unhurried, she also may want several orgasms. Always assume she wants one more orgasm. The clitoris can be super sensitive after orgasm so plant kisses on her thighs, tummy, anus or wherever she prefers until she is ready for more worship or tells you to stop.
  3. Listen and learn, reams have been written about technique on the internet – the only technique that really matters is to talk to your partner and do as she says.

Please leave a comment with any additional tips for women.

The joy of service, five ways to make the woman in your life happy

For men who acknowledge female leadership and the benefits of a female led relationship, here are five ways to serve her to make her life easier and more enjoyable.

As with all other advice on this site, these are just ideas, ultimately it is about making your partner happy and following her lead. It’s all about her; listen carefully to what she wants, what makes her happy and take action.

Five pillars of a female led dynamic:

  1. Be obedient

Simply put, do what she says. A female led relationship is not about the enactment of your male fantasies, it is the re-focussing of your entire life for the benefit of a Dominant woman. Male submission is not weakness, it takes great strength of character to openly accept female leadership in your relationship. It also means putting aside your ego, the norms in your upbringing and society expectations in exchange for living out your real purpose. Allow her to take the lead in all things, be obedient to her will, learn her ways, embrace her rules and preferences. Watch her leadership blossom as you concede to her growing dominance. Enjoy the immense fulfilment and sense of life purpose by focussing your life entirely on her.

  1. She’s the decision maker

Much conflict in relationships stems from disagreements over money, household chores or how couples spend their time. In a female led relationship, the man can relax and let the woman have final say on all major decision making. It’s not that your opinion is not important, just that your partnership is best if the woman in your life has final say on everything. She’ll make the best decision for the both of you.

She’s the manager, you are the subordinate. You work as a team, but ultimately, she is in charge. This open and agreed balance of power makes for a much more fulfilling and harmonious relationship. Major decisions or changes should not be made without her approval, let her take the lead and respect her decisions. Relax, knowing that she knows what is best for you, and just focus on your service to her.

  1. Do the heavy lifting

Do as much as the housework as possible, do it to a standard that makes her smile.

Being the leader can be tough, so shoulder as much of the menial work and day to day chores as possible to make her life easier. Real men know that the more they do, the happier their partner will be. Be a man about it and step up and do as much as possible so she doesn’t have to. Put aside chauvinistic stereotypes and do more than your partner, do it gladly and make her happy.

Especially find out the chores she really hates to do and make it your number one priority to ensure she never has to do them. Your goal should be that your female leader doesn’t have to lift a finger, doesn’t have to stress about doing things, so that she can focus on her leadership of the relationship.

  1. Learn

Focus on her, listen carefully to what she says, watch her reactions, be aware of what is going on. Be present. Watch for signals. What is pleasing her? Put aside your ego and accept her corrections and discipline as positive training. The better you get at serving her, the happier she will be, the stronger your partnership will be.

Look to continually improve, be a gentleman. Learn to charm her, romance her, continually surprise her, find new ways to show your devotion, to show you care. Forget who might be watching, what people might think, just think about pleasing her.

  1. Serve the Goddess

Set aside your kinks and selfish fantasies in favour of her absolute satisfaction. Learn to control your sexual urges and be a gentleman about it. Learn to channel your sexual energy, rather than focussing on your own self-satisfaction and selfish release, repurpose your life to focus on her satisfaction. Hand over control of your sexuality and sex life to your female leader.

Learn to pamper your Goddess outside the bedroom, wait on her, be her loyal and devoted butler. Proactively offer massages, fetch and carry for her, make her feel like a pampered Goddess. Do this – not as a means of earning rewards and your own selfish satisfaction, but for her satisfaction, for the joy of service itself. Give, and you will receive.


A female led relationship isn’t about kinks

A female led relationship (FLR) is not about your kinks. It’s about her.

A Dominant woman is not a fetish dispenser, she is a Goddess to be obeyed.

So you have a thing for feet? Great, so do many men. Maybe one day, when the time is right, you can have an open chat with your Dominant about it.

Until then, focus on obeying her, pleasing her and making her happy. She will explore your kinks, if she wants to, on her terms. She’s much more likely to if you are dedicating your life to serving her. Embrace her leadership and immerse yourself in service.