How to prepare a FLR pamper weekend

According to the Cambridge dictionary, Pamper means:

“To give someone special treatment, making that person as comfortable as possible and giving them whatever they want”

A Female Led pamper weekend is an opportunity to wait on your Goddess hand and foot and give her whatever she wants for the whole weekend. 48 hours of dedicated servitude.

Spend all weekend at her beck and call, serving, making her feel special, giving her whatever she wants, doing whatever she says. It’s a great way to explore a FLR.

For some Female Led couples, they don’t need a special “Pamper weekend”, the dominant leads what might be considered a pampered life anyway. She can click her fingers 24/7/365 and get what she wants.

But for those wishing to explore a Female Led Relationship further or wishing to rekindle female led feelings a Pamper Weekend is an ideal method to indulge in a full female led dynamic.

For the submissive man wishing to encourage his partner to explore a FLR – it is an opportunity to show his Goddess how he would like to treat her, serving her and putting her first at all times. The dominant gets what she wants, when she wants, on her terms and with total obedience. Bliss!

For the Dominant woman exploring or curious about a Female Led Dynamic, it is a good opportunity to experiment for a short period of time and get a feel for both the power and the enjoyment a FLR can bring without committing to a full life change.

This article includes some things to think about when preparing a pamper weekend. These are just ideas, you will need to tailor them to your relationship and dynamic.

Step 1: Send an invitation

FLR Pamper Weekend
Example of a FLR Pamper Weekend Invitation

The first step is to send an invitation. This turns it from ‘just an idea’ to an actual event. You can use a proper invitation card, a letter or online invitation. I created the image below using a free online graphic design tool. There are hundreds of apps and websites that do similar things. Whichever method you choose, make it special, make it a real event to look forward to. It means you are serious and it helps build up excitement about the whole event.

Notice on the image that the “menu and itinerary” are to follow. The goal is to build a magical weekend of service to delight the Dominant. The Dominant woman chooses what happens. This is not a shortcut to living your fantasies – it’s service for HER.

2. Understand her demands

Once she accepts your invitation the next step to build her ideal pamper weekend. To help her with this process build a menu of her favourite things to do and things that you think will make her happy.
For example I wrote the following letter:

“You are cordially invited to a personalised pamper weekend. The special weekend service will run from 8am on Saturday [Date] until Midnight on Sunday [Date].

Please let me know your preferences using this form so that a personalised itinerary and menu can be prepared. The goal is that you relax and enjoy a hedonistic weekend knowing that all of your personal needs are being met.

This document includes ideas for your pampering weekend. These are just ideas, please feel free to edit or add any elements you wish. Afterall, it’s YOUR pampering weekend.

The goal is that you perform no work or household chores over this weekend. You must relax, be pampered and waited on.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.etc “

I then included planned activities and activities available on demand.

Ideas for planned activities:

  • Being awoken in a special way
  • Breakfast in bed
  • Full body massages
  • Manicure and Pedicure
  • Shaving
  • Hot bubble bath with candles
  • Meals prepared and served
  • Day trips
  • Spa Days
  • Couples classes
  • Country Walks
  • Games etc.
Providing the Goddess in your life a weekend of luxury and relaxation

The goal is that these ideas inspire your Dominant to choose her ideal day. It’s a lot easier to be inspired by reading other ideas rather than staring at a blank page. You are making her life easier and also showing you have put some thought into it. Especially if they are things you know she would enjoy. It’s now up to her to decide, make this easier by printing out the options and giving her a pen to write your instructions, if she prefers.

As well as these planned activities which might take some planning and preparation there are also some “on demand” activities your Dominant might love to receive at the click of her fingers. Again, make this all about HER and not your kinks and fantasies.

On-demand service ideas:

  • Hot and cold drinks prepared and served
  • Snacks
  • Foot massage
  • Personal sexual services
  • Chores and errands
  • Dressing and undressing

Again, make it easy for the Dominant woman in your life to make her choices. She might surprise you with what she demands. It’s a great way to understand what she would really appreciate. Be prepared that she might tear up your ideas and create something completely different, but if you have chosen your options carefully she will appreciate the thought.

Finally, suggest a list of ideal meals that you will cook over the pamper weekend. Include aperitifs, breakfasts, lunches, dinners and desserts will all of her favourites. This might include pushing your skills to new places, but it’s all part of delivering good service.

3. Build a menu

Once she has instructed you of her preferences it is now time to build her ideal weekend. Write out the itinerary and menus properly. Again, like the invite this is to make it a special weekend and demonstrates you are taking it seriously and making an effort. You are telling her you WANT to do this.

Whilst she relaxes, be prepared to work hard to please her

4. Prepare and Deliver

The next step is prepare everything and deliver the pamper weekend. This is your time to show your devotion and do everything you promised, plus anything else she asks. It’s very likely she’ll enjoy the time in charge and be extra bossy, taking advantage of the offer of service. Especially as she knows it’s only for a weekend.

You are going to be busy serving so don’t forget to plan your day. Whilst she is lounging in bed eating breakfast in bed what could you be getting ready? What jobs could you do whilst she is soaking in the bath? You are going to be working hard serving her whilst also doing all the weekend chores like washing and cleaning so that she doesn’t have to. Forget about any of your own hobbies or social activities – you’ll be busy being her servant.

You might also consider buying a small bell so that she can ring it whenever she needs anything. It really adds a special magic to the Dominant/servant dynamic for the weekend.

Finally, you’ll need to manage your energy. The Goddess needs an obedient and responsive servant for her pamper weekend, not an exhausted zombie! Be ready for the hard work of doing everything and being at the beck and call of a Goddess.

5. Review and follow up

Finally, once you have finished the pamper weekend I recommend following up a few days later to understand her reaction. Politely ask the following questions:

  • Please rate your pamper weekend on a scale between 1 and 10 where 10 is the best
  • Please let me know what things you enjoyed
  • Please let me know what things you did not enjoy
  • How could the pamper weekend be improved?
  • And finally, would you like to book another pamper weekend?
Push yourself to deliver treatments and pampering for the first time. Learn new skills to please her.

As before, make it easy for her to respond by printing out the questions or sending them in a message for her to take her time answering. It is not your place to demand feedback, but if you ask nicely stating that you want to improve for next time she might give you some pointers. Most importantly she might also let you serve her again soon!

In my next article I’ll share my experiences of following this process to deliver a pamper weekend and let you know how it went! Let me know in the comments if you have any other recommendations for an ideal FLR pamper weekend.

How to greet your Domme when she returns home

For many Female Led couples their dynamic is a private affair.

In public, the man might be a polite gentleman. The lady might receive the odd comment about “wearing the trousers” or “isn’t he well trained?” but otherwise their dynamic is a secret.

Then, behind closed doors, when the world is shut away, he is her servant.

So, the woman of the house returning home is a significant phase in everyday life, when she returns home and closes the door, the FLR lovers can truly be themselves. It’s an important moment to remember the man’s subservient role, reconnect with each other, and reinforce the Female Led dynamic.

This article covers some ideas to think about to make her return home as pleasant and relaxing as possible. As always, these are just ideas, what’s always most important at all times is HER needs.

Give her your undivided attention

Let her relax and unwind whilst you serve her every need

Imagine the neanderthal man, watching sport or playing on the games console with a beer perched on his belly. Barely acknowledging his wife as she comes home. What a dreadful thought!

The leader of a Female Led dynamic deserves your undivided attention and respect when she returns home. Demonstrate that you are utterly focussed on her homecoming in the following ways:

  • Kneel – Kneeling means, I am ready to serve. I am awaiting your instructions and giving you my undivided attention. I am on standby ready to please
  • Kiss her feet – a hugely symbolic act to remind the husband who calls the shots in the relationship. By kissing your wife’s shoes as she returns home you are showing her you know your place.
  • Show your love – nothing beats someone being eager to see you and happy that you have returned home. Show your love for her. Be happy to see her.

Charlotte says:

“I want to be greeted with a big hug then have him drop to his knees to kiss my feet. I then want him to offer his services to me and do anything I ask. Once instructions have been given, I like to sit on the sofa while he goes off and makes me a drink. Once he’s back with my drink he will give me a good foot rub while we talk about our day. It is his undivided attention that I like.”

Welcoming home the goddess

Anticipate her arrival

  • Have dinner ready, plan ahead
  • Ensure everything is tidy for her arrival, clutter free
  • Try to do all of your chores before she arrives home
  • Have a cool or warm drink ready for her

Silken writes:

“If I have left no specific instructions then I would expect My submissive to be kneeling, smiling with an eagerness in his eyes, waiting for Me to walk in the door. I don’t think there is much in this world more beautiful than that. A drink waiting, the house clean and the scent of dinner cooking will always be appreciated as well. An important aspect for Me is genuine effort… I want to know by your attitude and actions that you are honoured to be allowed to serve, and that you are focused on pleasing Me. If your actions are simply perfunctory don’t bother. The rest is icing, always keeping your Domme’s preferences in mind, if you’re given leeway to improvise there are endless possibilities…”

Don’t bombard her with your troubles as soon as she comes through the door

Sarah writes:

It’s nearly always him returning home to me and we have protocols. When he returns home, he must go straight into the shower, shave and put on my favourite aftershave I buy for him. Then he puts on his collar and must come downstairs naked and kneel at my feet ready to serve.

If the occasion is in reverse which is rare then yes, we do have a welcoming home ritual. I will inform him of my estimated time of arrival around an hour in advance and I expect the house spotless tidy and a bath drawn ready for me with my evening negligee and lingerie ready for me to slip into. He’s very creative around my bath scene with Yankee candles, warm towels, lotions and bath bombs etc. all prepared for me.

On arrival through the door, I expect him as before, clean from a shower, shaved, smelling of my chosen fragrance for him, collared and naked in his slave position facing the front door. This is on his knees nose to the floor arms stretched out in front. I open the door to him in this position and click my fingers which brings him up to his knees where I expect eye contact and a smile, I smile back but firmly point down and this will signal for him to kiss my footwear. He will then take my bags and coat while I walk in and drop anything else for him to quickly tidy away.

The house layout, furniture, decorations etc are in my style and is a very feminine space with a male servant there waiting for me. It’s very satisfying and a pleasing environment for me to return to as it should be for the female of the house. Its great if I’ve had a stressful day to come home to that and just drop everything including my knickers and be served and pleasured by a willing submissive male in my world.

Help her relax

  • Ensure the home is a pleasant place to return to, a place of tranquillity where she immediately feels refreshed
  • Don’t bombard her with your troubles as soon as she comes through the door
  • Make her comfortable
  • Don’t complain if she’s late or out with friends, your service should be flexible
Create a sanctuary for your Goddess to relax

Valeria says:

“We have a wonderful routine when I get back from work. I insist on a big kiss and a hug when I get home. Hubby then kisses my feet to remind him of his place in my life and takes my bag and coat. My favourite time is when I relax with a glass of something bubbly whilst he massages my feet, and we talk about our day. He then eats my pussy whilst I relax on the sofa. He is usually very pleased to see me and it’s always very hot to feel his passion. Hubby then makes dinner and waits on me so I can catch up with family and friends. He then clears up after dinner whilst I take a bath or watch Netflix. He loves serving me and I love his attentiveness. FLR is a wonderful dynamic.”

Make her life easier

  • When she returns home, take her coat and hang it up. Put her shoes away when she kicks them off. Make a mental note of whether they might need a clean.
  • Put her phone or car keys in a place where she can easily find them, does her phone need a charge? Be useful, serve her needs.

A good subby husband clears up after his wife and makes her life easier, when a dominant drops her clothes on the floor as she undresses, she should be able to relax knowing that her servant will not only pick up after her, but also clean, dry, iron and store her laundry without even asking.

Hopefully these ideas will inspire better service for when the lady of the house returns.

What ideas would you recommend to help your Dominant relax on her return home or reconnect with your sub? Please leave a comment below.

Interviews with real dominant women series: Lots of men have a real need to be Dominated

In this interview Charlotte shares her experience of an escort providing Female Domination services as well as how experiences with her submissive partner.  Thank you to Charlotte for taking the time to share her views. 

Interviews with real Dominant Women series

What did you learn about female domination as an escort, what did you learn about male behaviour? Presumably providing services for married men without a FLR dynamic in their relationships at home? 

The main thing I learned was the number of guys out there that desire to submit to women. When I first started providing Mistress / Female Domination services I knew there would be guys out there that would want to book time with me, but I was surprised at the actual interest.

My clients range from all walks of life and of all ages. Most of them are happily married and love their partners very much. A lot of them used feel ashamed to be seeing me and feel that they need to explain to me why they are with me. They say that they have this desire to be controlled by a dominant woman even if it’s just for the short amount of time they are with me. A lot of clients have this guilt about being with me, they feel like they are cheating on their partners and being unfaithful. I strongly disagree with this mindset they have. At the end of the day they are not with me for sex (I don’t have sex with clients), its way more than that.

Dominant women

There are many very attractive escorts out there that they can pay for sex. With me, it’s a psychological reason they are with me, and that reason is their desire to submit to a strong woman, to give up control, to follow my lead and do as I say. I don’t feel like the guys I see are coming exclusively for a sexual release. I may grant them this while with me but its more the domination I provide and lack of control from them they seek.

A lot of my clients have told me they feel like they can’t talk about the subject with their wives or partners, so they seek out a female dominant / Mistress outside of their relationship to live out their fantasy or desire.

Some guys I have met have said they feel like they need to live up to the typical stereotype of what they see a man should be within a relationship. They feel like their desire to submit is something they feel is wrong or shouldn’t happen, “it’s not being a real man”.

One guy recently told me when he feels his needs to be dominated by a woman becoming too much, he books some time with me. He said he sees it as a kind of reset, so then he can go back to his family and carry on being the husband and father he has to be. When he sees me, he’s had to bottle up his feelings so much that he actually cries while he lets it all out.

Some clients act totally different after one of our sessions and have said they needed the time we’ve had. Now they can go about the rest of their day feeling less stressed, reset and more capable to face the world.

You were previously submissive. Are you now 100% Domme or switch? Does experience of being in a submissive position make you a better Dominant? 

I would say I’m 95% Domme. There are the odd times when I’ve had a stressful day that I just want to give up control, but it’s me that tells my boy that’s what I need. So, I suppose that’s still me giving the orders and telling him what I want, so yes maybe I am 100% Domme now I’m thinking about it that way. There are still the odd things my boy does from when he was my dominant that I wouldn’t ever want to change. It’s just the little things he does naturally without giving it a second thought. One of those things is having me walk on his left-hand side. This gentlemanly thing goes back many years. Historically when a man is escorting a woman, he has her on his left-hand side, this leaves his sword arm free to protect her. I love he does this subconsciously and I would never want this to change.

I was my partners submissive for a number of years, so I feel like I have a very good understanding of what it feels like from a submissive position. I know the mindset of a submissive, I know what feels good and what doesn’t, and this makes me a much more complete dominant woman. With clients it’s different from when I’m with my boy, I know him totally. when I first meet a new sub client, I don’t yet know his pain threshold or what makes him tick. I take time to get to know them, I usually get an idea of the kind of submissive they are from the way they conduct themselves when we first meet. A truly submissive guy is very respectful from the outset, it comes natural to them. Their body language changes when they walk in, I can see they drop the bravado and they let go and you can see the real person come out.

It is a sad state of affairs that we live in a society where submissive men can’t be themselves and it’s not socially acceptable to be in service to a woman. If only female led relationships where more common place and discussed more openly. Instead I feel it’s seen more of a kink by people that don’t understand what it truly is.

Of the men visiting you. What was the most common thing you did, or they were requesting to get their fix of submission? 

The most common request is typically that they want to have control took away and be restrained. Another common request is to be fitted with a chastity device for the duration of our time together.

A typical booking with me goes as follows; I great them and bring them into my bedroom before discussing payment and their request. That taken care of I have them remove their clothes and kneel in front of me while I explain to them my rules and what I expect of their behaviour. This is to establish the dynamic of the booking, the nature of how I intend the meeting to go. They are coming to see me for a Mistress / Female Domination experience and not for your typical escort services. They would then be instructed to kiss my feet to show their respect.

Once expectations have been addressed and while they are still knelt at my feet, I then will fit them with a chastity cage, blind fold or hood and wrist restraints. I would then instruct them to stand and offer me their hands which I would them cuff to the top of my four-poster bed. This leaves them in a standing position with their hands fixed above them. I would then move on to flogging, spanking, whipping them while having them thank their Mistress for the attention I’m giving them. Next, I move them to the bed and have them lay face down and fix their wrists to the headboard. More flogging and spanking before having them turn over onto their backs. What follows can vary dependent on the client, it could be nipple clamps fitted, cock and ball torture, urethral sounding etc. This I tend to customise dependent on the clients’ interests. What clients request can vary quite a bit and I try and accommodate the best I can for them as long as they have done as told up to this point. Some are released from their chastity and granted a release; some are given a ruined orgasm and some no release at all. The typical time clients are with me is around 1-2 hours. After, most clients like to spend some time chatting with me about their lives at home or work. This almost feels like they treat as therapy before they leave and go back to their lives.

It satisfies their need to submit to a woman and lose control, even just for the brief time they are with me.

Could you describe the structure of your FLR and any rules or protocols that define your dynamic?

We don’t lead a very strict FLR dynamic like some couples out there. I don’t mean to say that is right or wrong, it’s just what works for us. I don’t have a long list of rules that he needs to follow etc. we are around 18 months into our FLR, so we are still working things out and finding what works and what doesn’t.

The basics of our relationship are, he takes care of my sexual needs absolutely, this comes second to his own. I practice a chastity regime with my boy. He is caged the majority of the time. This we have struggled with this in the past, it has taken quite a while to get a cage that fits him well and he is relatively comfortable with.

He is only allowed sexual release upon my permission and this is something he needs to earn. I have a high sex drive, so he’s not usually caged for long periods of time before he’s released from chastity. Just because he is free from his cage to provide for me sexually does not mean he gets a release himself. I feel this is an important way of keeping him in a submissive state of mind. His release is entirely based on his behaviour and the quality of service he has provided me. I am extending the period of time between his orgasms all the time as the drop off in his submissiveness isn’t something I like. I want him well behaved and submissive and chastity is a time proven way of making this happen.

Our relationship has a good basis in BDSM, it’s something I love and I’m always looking for new things to explore. He is required to do as asked when required, I know he trusts me and also knows I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Well, nothing I know he couldn’t handle.

He takes care of my feet and nails; they are his responsibility. He provides me with pedicures, manicures and foot massages on a daily basis.

When he enters the house, he immediately greets me by kneeling and offering himself to me and kisses my feet. Similarly, when he leaves the house for work, he kneels and kisses my feet before saying goodbye. He kneels and asks permission before being allowed to enter my bed. He is expected to contact me during the day and tell me if his routine will change so I can keep track of him and know when to expect him home.

I’m not heavy into rules for everything, I personally find it too much hard work to control, and one of the benefits of a FLR for me personally are things being easy for me.  But the rules he does have I strictly enforce.

How does chastity work with your sexual satisfaction? Isn’t a man ineffective in terms of an erection after he has been taken out of chastity?

From my experience this is a myth. With my boy he is more than effective when released from his chastity cage, he tends to be harder and a lot more sensitive to touch and a lot more eager to please me as he knows his performance is directly linked to me granting him release or allowing him to enter me etc. I find male chastity is a sure-fire way of getting the attention and satisfaction I require from him when I want it. He puts my needs and pleasure before his own and becomes very attentive.

As I said before when it comes to long term chastity he is always caged and only allowed out when I choose. So, he may not be caged for long periods of time before being allowed out for service, but once I’ve used him to satisfy me, he is put straight back into his chastity device. I am working on extending the periods between his orgasms all the time and one day I may not grant him to orgasm full stop once he has performed for me, but this remains to be seen. The reason for this is I don’t like the males drop in submissiveness after he as orgasmed. It’s a subconscious thing and natural behaviour for a male and it can take a couple of days for his submissiveness to build back up to a satisfactory level.

What has been the most useful thing when learning about FLR? 

Research and talking to your partner about what you expect. There are lots of good books and blogs out there that can help you decide what it is you want from the relationship. I have read plenty of books on the subject and found the series by J.M Scott particularly useful. The books are full of really good useful advice and tips on FLR. They also talk directly to the woman on how to change your own mindset when it comes to FLR, this was really useful for me personally.

What would you recommend to women reading this who want to explore a FLR with their partner or find a submissive man? 

Again, I’d say research what it is that YOU want from the relationship, once you understand what it is you want then to talk to your partner and discuss your expectations. I think it’s very easy to read some of the books and think oh wow if I want a FLR then I have to do all of this. That isn’t the case at all, you can setup your relationships however you chose. Cherry pick the things you want from the relationship and make it your own.

I found when I was researching that I was becoming overwhelmed by some of the things I read. I felt that to live this kind of relationship that I HAD to do certain things I wasn’t particularly ok with. Make sure the place you do your research is well balanced and well thought out. I early on fell into the trap with a few blogs that left me thinking I don’t want this anymore; I don’t want to treat my boy this way. FLR is like BDSM you can chose how far and what aspects you like. They are couples that only have small aspects of FLR in their relationship, to couples that go to the extreme. Find what works for you and build it up slowly.

If you’re looking to meet a submissive guy, I’d recommend attending some BDSM clubs and meet ups. I personally feel that trying to do this online could be difficult. You’ll get lots of attention from guys who just want to try it for the kink side and aren’t into it becoming a long-term relationship. This is very unfortunate for the genuine guys out there. If you do find a guy online, I think you’d recognise the submissiveness in him after talking for some time hopefully. Me and my boy have been attending BDSM events for years so maybe that’s why I’m more inclined to give the advice of attending meets. Just be careful girls and make sure he’s genuine.

Is your dynamic strictly a confidential dynamic behind closed doors or does it spill out into everyday life with family, friends, in public etc? 

I have a couple of friends that know our dynamic and think it’s amazing, but mostly its behind closed doors. I’m sure people that know a FLR dynamic could recognise it when we’re out and about but on the whole I’m sure we just look like a “normal” couple. I’ve had a couple of people ask why we are so good a couple, and I’ll smile and reply it’s because he does as he’s told with a wink ha-ha!

It appears from your Tumblr blog that you are open to approaches from other men, if this is the case is this for service or cuckolding your partner? 

Yes, this was something I wanted to experiment with, I am very much attracted to the Hotwife / cuckold dynamic. I find it a big turn on and so does my boy, but in reality, I’ve found this to be very much based in fantasy.

During our relationship we have attended swingers clubs, had threesomes and generally been very experimental, but it has always been with my boy, He was always there with me. I actually went as far as finding a guy and going on a date with him but I was instantly turned off by the guys macho behaviour and lack of respect, in fact he was very disrespectful about my boy having made a few comments that he was not a real man or weaker than he was for letting his wife sleep around. I remember staring at this toxic excuse of a man and hating everything about him. I quickly ended the date and returned home and was greeted by my boy on his knees with a heart full of love and respect for me. He made me very proud that night. Submissive guys are not weak at all, they are strong loving gentleman with upmost respect for the women they love ~ Charlotte.

Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose

Serving women provides a great sense of purpose
Serving women provides a man focus and a great sense of purpose

Being obedient to a Dominant woman and living a life of servitude under her leadership can provide submissive men an enormous sense of calm and deep-rooted feeling of contentment. Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose.

His new role in life, when he becomes a partner to a Dominant woman, is to serve.

Through his dedicated service he gains great clarity about what his life is all about, why he exists, what life is for. He exists to serve her. His goal in life is to obey and please. By meeting this goal, obeying her wishes and pleasing her, he reaches fulfilment in his life. His life has meaning.

Many men get distracted as to what their goal is, perhaps by embarrassment at being submissive or the expectations of friends, family and society as to “what a man is”. True happiness comes from recognising that submission is natural and society expectations are toxic.

The role of the dominant is to remind him of his purpose and keep him on track. Like an overexcited puppy straining at the leash, sometimes a light tug in the right direction is all that is needed to remind him of his place in your life, at your feet.

From a dominant woman seeking a man with purpose:

“I want a man that understands obedience. I want a man that structures his whole life around making me happy. My man will follow my rules every day and will always be striving to please me. Through serving me, his life will have real focus and purpose. My man will wholeheartedly accept my training to make him a better husband. He will be my bitch, and he will gain an enormous sense of purpose, calm and wellbeing by being my bitch”

With this clarity of purpose comes an enormous sense of calm, focus and wellbeing. The submissive man has one goal, to follow her rules and be as attentive and considerate as he can.

Men excel under strong female leadership. Set him clear rules and boundaries and provide feedback on his performance. He is eager to please and be useful, use it to your advantage.

He can relax, knowing that she is in charge and she will take care of the important decision making. Of course, if permitted he can add his well-considered and polite input, but ultimately, he can relax knowing, as the leader, she will make the best decisions for both of them. By letting go of  major decision making and focussing on service, a submissive man can attain an enormous sense of calm and contentedness in his life.

For women wanted to lead in their relationships there are three simple elements to consider providing your man a sense of purpose, and therefore happiness:

  1. Set clear goals and boundaries – Be absolutely clear on what good looks like. Set him a definitive list of things he must do, the standards you expect and what he needs to do to please you. Don’t worry if this sounds onerous, it’s his job to create and maintain the list!
  2. Let him know when he has pleased you – reward good behaviour. A simple “good boy” and pat on the bottom does wonders to the psyche of a submissive man.
  3. Let him know when he has disappointed you – Be crystal clear about when he doesn’t meet your standards and has not pleased you and follow through with your own version of punishment.

Many women create unique reward and punishment systems to modify the behaviour of their submissive man over time. As with all things FLR, there is no right way or wrong way to do this. It’s your relationship and you are the boss, but it is recommended that you set standards and provide crystal clear feedback.

Finally, control is maintained by keeping your submissive in a subservient state of mind. Dominants use their authority to “snap” him into the right mindset. For example, Female-Led-Couple writes:

“He comes out of subspace to go to work or to go out away from me, other than that no, at home I expect and require him to be in a heightened state of submission and service to me. I keep him under my control when in my presence at all times. When he returns home, I simply click my fingers and offer my heels or feet to lick to bring him back under my spell.”

By knowing where he stands at all times, he can focus on pleasing you and following your leadership and live a happy and fulfilling life of service.

Interviews with real dominant women series: “Remember this is about what you as the woman wants and not fulfilling what a male partner wants”

In this interview Sarah shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR. Thank you to Sarah for taking the time to share her views

Q. How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

Like many women I was having difficult expressing myself in traditional male-led relationship where the man is macho and dominant. I hated all the egotistical and chauvinistic behaviour and found it toxic and oppressive to be around. This isn’t a generalisation of all marriages – but it was my experience of several attempts at traditional male/female relationships. They were not working out for me and I began to sense something within me needed expressing. I noticed from a young age that I was the bossy type and I received feedback from early flings relationships to confirm this. I soon discovered I was not only dominant but sexually dominant too.

I began to realise the reason my early relationships had failed was because the dominant side of me was not being addressed, I had no desire for a traditional male-led relationship at home. I’d never been given any information or a safe space to express that side of me and it was beginning to boil over and upset the traditional relationships I was in. I soon learnt that I needed to find out more about this side of myself if I was to be successful in any relationships.

By this time, I was in my twenties and I started reading lots of articles, blogs and books on Dominant Women and in doing so came across the Female Led Relationship (FLR). I knew after researching this subject for some time I needed a FLR going forward and a partner that would support and encourage that side of me. I was sceptical at first and never thought there would be any men out there that would prefer the woman to rule the roost, I was so wrong.

Q. How did you find your current partner and what did you learn about yourself whilst looking for him?

Some girlfriends of mine were using dating apps. I was out one night with this group of friends having drinks and I overheard one of them saying to another friend she’d been chatting to a guy she liked the look of, but she had some reservations because on his profile he said he was submissive.

This wasn’t sitting right with her and I could tell she had no knowledge of what that meant. She instantly thought it was weird and perverted and it was a shame as apart from that he seemed like a great guy and he was very attractive.

I didn’t try to correct her assumptions about submissive men as I still wasn’t comfortable sharing what I’d been learning about. The next day I signed up for a dating app, not necessarily to find someone but my interest was piqued by this report of guys openly identifying as submissive. To my surprise there was a lot of guys on this app with similar confessions, so I gathered up the courage after snooping around on there a few days to set up a profile. I made it in the normal way only I added that I was dominant and looking for a submissive type male. Then the flood gates opened, and I was inundated!

It gave me such a confidence boost and made me realise I definitely wasn’t alone in wanting an untraditional type relationship. After several weeks and dates I found my boy. We’re now six years down the line.

Q. How did you go from “inundated” with interest to filtering through to your boy? What advice would you give to other women looking or men advertising themselves?

I sorted through the responses much like you would for any other date interest, you know, location, commitments, character, looks, age etc just with the caveat that they must be submissive. I was somewhat naïve at that stage about submissive men and was probably very lucky to date and choose a guy that was genuinely submissive and looking for something long-term.

In terms of men advertising themselves, this is a massive area and I urge submissive men to do your research. Much has been written on the subject so if you are a sub guy it will vastly improve your chances if you have a well thought out profile and an understanding of how Dominant women liked to be approached online. There are hundreds of sub guys to every openly dominant woman which is a big problem.

You need to stand out and understand how to communicate with Dominant Women before attempting to contact one. I can personally attest to this situation as I run a Tumblr blog about my FLR where I get inundated with male subs contacting me daily offering their services.

Good news then for the girls, we obviously have the upper hand and have a lot to choose from however you’re going to have to sort the wheat from the chaff and there are many sub wannabes out there just looking for their fetish fix. Hence the need for the well thought out profile and correct approach boys. Do your research!

Q. What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR? What should women consider when designing their own dynamic?

If you a woman and you’ve come this far and started researching the subject, then well done you! You are a rare breed of person that has the intelligence and courage to go against social norms imposed upon you from a young age and get out there and find what you feel will serve your life best despite what society expects you to do and act like.

If that’s you I salute you and you’re the kind of person I’d love to hear from and connect with. Us FLR woman should stick together, you know where to find me (

The great thing about a FLR is there’s no right or wrong way and there’s many levels to suit your style. It is a FEMALE led relationship which means it’s all about you and your personal requirements. You can have a basic wife led style of relationship where you make basic decisions about the direction of your lives all the way through to a kinkier based FLR where he is totally under your direction and control. It is entirely up to you.

A genuine submissive male will support and encourage you, whichever way you decide to steer your relationship together. The levels of trust, intimacy and connection in these relationships is second to none and I couldn’t imagine my life without a submissive partner. It obviously takes time and commitment like any other relationship but once you’ve found your style and rhythm there’s genuinely nothing like a loving, caring FLR

If you think this all sounds too good to be true like I did then you’re in for a pleasant surprise, there are genuinely millions of men out there desperate for this type of dynamic and want nothing more than to support and serve you whole heartedly if you have the courage to lead him on your journey together. With regards to designing your FLR the world is your oyster its entirely about what you desire from your relationship and the direction you want to explore your dominance over him.

Q. What has been most useful in your education and learning about FLR?

It has been great to feel that I’m not alone and there is a huge community out there which is very welcoming and inclusive. There is so much support and great information out there to help you when you start researching it’s like you’ve opened an Aladdin’s cave and a whole new kinky fun world to explore if you want to. The community is a treasure trove of information and has some amazing intelligent people out there. I’m still learning now 5 years into my FLR journey.

There are some great articles, blogs and websites like this one full of information out there and the community can be found on sites like Fetlife and Tumblr. Also, I’ve found some very useful books on the subject of FLR to get you started if you’d prefer to learn more that way.

Q. What qualities do you find most attractive in submissive men?

There are many but what stands out is his bravery and courage to turn his back on what society and culture demands of men these days. A submissive man is generally considered weak, a sissy or a doormat by people who have little knowledge of submissive men, they couldn’t be further from the truth.

Submissive men are brave and intelligent individuals who have turned their back on cultural norms to surrender and obey the woman he loves. They are rare individuals to be cherished by a woman with any sense. In daily life he is likely to be successful, highly motivated, creative, competitive, articulate and intelligent but alone at home with her he is submissive and only truly comfortable and at ease surrendered under her direction and guidance.

When out together in public he will likely to be chivalrous and gentlemanly around you, opening doors, giving up seats, carrying your bags etc. He will be interested in her and her femininity which makes him very attentive to her needs, very obedient and eager to please domestically but also sexually. Trust me you haven’t had an orgasm unless you’ve had a well-trained sub male down on you before.

Above all this however he’s yours to train, mould and lead in your own fashion, there’s nothing quite like it and once the dynamic is set and he’s clear on your expectations and rules no other type of relationship can get near the levels of intimacy and understanding you have between you. It’s the relationship you’ve seen other couples be in and be jealous off, good chance there was FLR or had elements of it naturally.

Q. How have you structured your own FLR? What rules and rituals are in place and how did you go from first date / getting to know you through to collared and compliant?

Firstly, you should know that my FLR is 5 years in and well established with a ton of research done before I even started looking for a sub. So, for some starting out this may seem a little overbearing, however once you start down your chosen FLR style you will probably find you will evolve and grow it as your roles deepen within the relationship.

I have quite a kink orientated style and a big D/s element to my FLR with total power exchange and domestic discipline entwined within it. So, the first thing I should say is I keep my sub hubby in chastity which is quite common with established FLR and require my sub to be naked and collared at home when he’s serving me. It maintains the Dominant submissive dynamic very nicely with little effort on my part which is how things should be for a woman in a FLR.

My sub takes care of all the household chores like cooking, cleaning and laundry and he has set rules and protocols in place to maintain our dynamic which he must remember such as kneeling before me and seeking me out as soon as he’s home to offer his service to me. There are lots of other techniques and skills I’ve learnt over the years to keep my sub in a heighten state of submission to me which I go into great detail in my Tumblr blog if you wish to know more.

Now to some this may seem mean or cruel, but I can assure you my boy has never been happier and is very content under my strict regime for him. I take his health and wellbeing extremely seriously and as such he is a very fit health man both physically and mentally. I’m like a life coach to him as well as his wife and MS as he calls me. We are both very happy with are arrangement and we talk regularly about our dynamic should either of us have concerns or ideas that need changing.

A good FLR is always evolving and adapting as you grow into it together and the orgasms and sex for me is off the chart amazing with a willing submissive male at my beck and call. As I said this level of D/s isn’t for everyone and you can have just as a fulfilling FLR with no or little kink as you want its entirely up to you and how you see the dynamic working for you. Get out there and find a submissive male partner, you won’t regret it I assure you.

Q. For women reading this that are curious and want to know more, what should they do first?

I think it depends on her personal situation. There are three possibilities here:

  1. Like me she’s fed up with traditional type relationships and is seeking a more female led arrangement
  2. She’s already in a traditional relationship and wants to approach her partner about her taking more decisions about their relationship
  3. Her current male partner has submissive feelings and has inquired with her about her taking charge of their relationship.

I imagine in either case she’s feeling a little overwhelmed at this stage but fear not, you are about to start an exciting journey and your home life is about to get a whole lot better. There is a huge amount of information and support out there in any of these situations and I would recommend reading up on the subject as much as possible to discover what steps you can take.

Remember this about you as the woman and not fulfilling what a male partner wants. So, for beginners there are really helpful books to get you started and J.M Scoot is a wonderful lady and has a three-part series called Practical FLR which I highly recommend she also has a Tumblr blog you can check out.

The other book/Manual I would recommend is Scarlet’s Guide (

Always remember you are not alone and there is a huge community out there that would be very happy to help you out as best they can with questions and ideas. My door is always open if you want to chat, especially to women reaching out for support. You are about to embark on an incredibly exciting period of your life and I’m kind of jealous as I know what’s in store for you! Good luck and welcome to the FLR community. ~ Sarah

Interviews with real dominant women series: The most attractive quality in a submissive man? “his surrender”

In this interview Michelle shares how she uncovered her preference for Female Led Relationships and advice for women interested in exploring a FLR.

How did you first discover you were interested in a Female Led Dynamic?

I did not ‘discover’ I was ‘interested’ in a FLR. But rather came to realise I have always lived a FLR at one level or another. Through conversations and reading material I realized it was naturally who I am and the way I have lived and desire to live.

I realized it was exactly what my grandparents and great grandparents lived. My great grandfather had told me about my great grandmother and their FLR dynamic. It was a matriarchy marriage, and he worshiped the ground she walked on and loved her with the depth and whole of his heart and soul.

She ran the businesses and was head of the house, and he worked under her direction and guidance and was happy to do so. He supported her and found her to be a great leader. Even in his nineties he could not imagine nor want anything any other way.

I realized it was natural, many people live this way, and it came natural to me to live this way.

What has been your most useful in your education about Female Led Relationships?

Finding the title for the lifestyle (Female Led Relationships) was a door opening to what I searched for and helped me find like-minded individuals and the FLR community. Without the proper terminology it was like searching for a needle in a haystack.

The material I read and people with whom I spoke gave me more direction, advice, guidance, reassurance, and I realized at what depth I already understood FLR and that it was natural for me. I didn’t find anything to be new or foreign to me other than the terminology and abbreviations. Knowing the terminology and abbreviations were essential in order for me to find like-minded men in my search: men willing to serve.

What element of a FLR resonates with you most?

There is not one element over another, it is the whole. When a man surrenders to a true female led dynamic, a woman can be sure he is fully committed, and she is not left wondering. She is secure and can let go of insecurities which may have been there otherwise.

What advice would you share for women exploring a FLR?

The structure of a Female Led Relationship brings balance and security into the relationship. Women are natural leaders. They lead in every aspect of their life even if they do not identify it or are not recognized for it.

The natural maternal abilities of women help them to make better decisions, thinking with depth and thoroughness. To multitask. Men do not typically have these abilities.

Women who lead in their relationship (FLR) will find the stresses and concerns they experienced in a traditional participial relationship will dissipate. The man will have his focus on her and her needs. His surrender will bring forth a level of intimacy and dedication that neither of them would have experienced in other relationships.

She will be sexually satisfied and have the security and safety which isn’t always present in a patriarchal relationship. It’s exhilarating, no relationship can compare to the depth of love, trust, devotion, loyalty and dedication a FLR can offer a couple.

Ideal qualities you find attractive in submissive men?

Their desire to surrender. Their attentiveness. How they use and practice traditional gentleman practices, simple things like helping her with her coat, getting the door, holding the umbrella, holding her chair for her, serving her food and drink. Making her a priority, attending to her needs, anticipating her needs without her having to dictate every little need, him placing her sexual needs before his.

These gentlemen are more focused on her and making her life easier. His focus is on her rather than on other women. He keeps his focus on her and trusts her decision making.

What are the key considerations when women design their ideal FLR?

While considering a FLR women will take many things into consideration. I can’t speak for every woman.

Although, in general, I do feel many women will be concerned if there will be resistance from the male. How much more work will it be for her and how time consuming it will be for her? Will it be more work for her than she already has? Will it be worth her efforts?

Many women do not realize that the delegation of responsibilities is up to her and for the most part she is doing most of the work already. With her guidance, her instructions, feedback and rules in place it makes it easier for the couple to know what is expected. Everything will be done to her expectations. Once he is taught how she needs things done life becomes much easier for everyone.

Women are great at time and money management. These two alone will be very beneficial to the way they live. When done to her exact specifications there will be less money and time wasted making life easier.

Women do not typically enjoy bringing pain to another living being, not emotional, nor physical pain or discomfort.

She must recognize that as a Wife, Mother, Nurse, Doctor, Teacher, (Her roles are extensive) that it is often painful for the other person she helps. Discipline and punishment as well as rules and requirements may not always be easy. However, she is administering these to those she loves for the better good of the individual, relationship and the family as a whole.

When she takes these into consideration, she will realize she is designing a FLR in which they will be living, and it will be in the best interest of all. She will create the perfect balance in which will remove obstacles and challenges which were in previous relationships or her current relationship if that is what she is restructuring.

She takes into consideration how her partner may not place her needs before his and how frustrated she is, how unfulfilled she is, not that she is selfish because a woman typically puts everyone else before her own needs. In a FLR she gets what she needs, and it brings balance to the relationship.

She gets 2 votes, he gets 1, and because she leads in a FLR arguments, disagreements, security, cheating, financial issues and wasteful spending, distrust, and other negatives dissipate. She takes it into consideration how to structure her relationship to eliminate the negatives and create the perfect for them relationship lifestyle.

Women typically take every aspect of a relationship into consideration, it’s not narrowly focused.

How would you recommend women explore a FLR?

I would recommend women explore the information available to them about the basic food groups of a FLR (Life choices, sex, money, housework, free time). Take what resonates with them, and they are comfortable with. Decide where they would like to start and approach their partner with a trial basis of let’s say one to three months of the woman being in charge at her level of comfort. Taking small steps to not overwhelm herself.

Most likely she is already making the basic FLR decisions in the relationship, it is simply not acknowledged.

She could write up a short list of rules to start with and present them to her partner with a full understanding that there will be consequences of punishment. Weekly or even daily discipline will be in place to ensure the mindset that she is in charge. Some men will not welcome discipline or punishment, in this instance it may come to the forefront that possibly he is not a good match for her.

Miss Michelle

The ritual of oral worship in Female Led Relationships

Many couples in Female Led Relationships enjoy oral worship as a regular ritual to reinforce their dynamic.

Of course, as with all things FLR, it should be based on the woman’s choices and preferences.

Some women don’t enjoy receiving oral sex, and in some cases the desire of the man to worship her exceeds that of the female leader. In such cases oral worship might be used as an occasional reward for good behaviour, or never at all, the woman is in charge and is free to decide.

For women who do enjoy it, it can be a very powerful technique for strengthening her authority, allowing her subordinate to show his devotion, and building an intimate connection. Not to mention her orgasms.

Here are some considerations for maximising your pleasure based on conversations with real dominant women:

Five C’s of oral worship in FLRs

  1. Comfort: your comfort and ability to relax is paramount. Choose positions that enable you to climax and the ignore gymnastic poses portrayed in femdom porn.
  2. Collar – a collar, which could be as significant as a leather dog collar and leash, to as subtle as a thin strand of ribbon, is a symbolic reminder of who is is boss and in control. It can be used as a mental trigger to remind your man its time for worship or total obedience.
  3. Cuffs – if you don’t need his fingers to get you off, lock them away behind his back, a blindfold will also sharpen his senses and help him focus his mind on your pleasure.
  4. Chastity – oral worship could be a foreplay technique, or a ritual on its own with no follow on. Either way, your man must understand that there is zero chance of reciprocation and he must worship for as long as required. It’s common knowledge that a woman is much more likely to orgasm if she feels a) unhurried and b) not obliged to reciprocate. Chastity (locking a man’s parts to prevent erection or release) is a good way to reinforce this dynamic. He gets unlocked only when you are fully satisfied, or perhaps not at all, you are the boss.
  5. Control – men sometimes have the mistaken belief that worship or serving a woman entitles then to something or earns them brownie points. Ignore this juvenile behaviour, a true submissive man knows that serving a dominant woman is a privilege and is delighted to serve for service sake. Instil in your man’s mind that going down on you is a reward and earns him nothing.

Furthermore, you are in control. You determine when worship happens, if at all. A well trained submissive will serve at the crook of your finger, on demand and with gratitude.

Oral worship etiquette tips for men

  1. Worship on command and without hesitation, unreserved obedience allows allow your partner’s dominance to blossom.
  2. Keep going until told to stop – she is much more likely to orgasm if she feels unhurried, she also may want several orgasms. Always assume she wants one more orgasm. The clitoris can be super sensitive after orgasm so plant kisses on her thighs, tummy, anus or wherever she prefers until she is ready for more worship or tells you to stop.
  3. Listen and learn, reams have been written about technique on the internet – the only technique that really matters is to talk to your partner and do as she says.

Please leave a comment with any additional tips for women.

The joy of service, five ways to make the woman in your life happy

For men who acknowledge female leadership and the benefits of a female led relationship, here are five ways to serve her to make her life easier and more enjoyable.

As with all other advice on this site, these are just ideas, ultimately it is about making your partner happy and following her lead. It’s all about her; listen carefully to what she wants, what makes her happy and take action.

Five pillars of a female led dynamic:

  1. Be obedient

Simply put, do what she says. A female led relationship is not about the enactment of your male fantasies, it is the re-focussing of your entire life for the benefit of a Dominant woman. Male submission is not weakness, it takes great strength of character to openly accept female leadership in your relationship. It also means putting aside your ego, the norms in your upbringing and society expectations in exchange for living out your real purpose. Allow her to take the lead in all things, be obedient to her will, learn her ways, embrace her rules and preferences. Watch her leadership blossom as you concede to her growing dominance. Enjoy the immense fulfilment and sense of life purpose by focussing your life entirely on her.

  1. She’s the decision maker

Much conflict in relationships stems from disagreements over money, household chores or how couples spend their time. In a female led relationship, the man can relax and let the woman have final say on all major decision making. It’s not that your opinion is not important, just that your partnership is best if the woman in your life has final say on everything. She’ll make the best decision for the both of you.

She’s the manager, you are the subordinate. You work as a team, but ultimately, she is in charge. This open and agreed balance of power makes for a much more fulfilling and harmonious relationship. Major decisions or changes should not be made without her approval, let her take the lead and respect her decisions. Relax, knowing that she knows what is best for you, and just focus on your service to her.

  1. Do the heavy lifting

Do as much as the housework as possible, do it to a standard that makes her smile.

Being the leader can be tough, so shoulder as much of the menial work and day to day chores as possible to make her life easier. Real men know that the more they do, the happier their partner will be. Be a man about it and step up and do as much as possible so she doesn’t have to. Put aside chauvinistic stereotypes and do more than your partner, do it gladly and make her happy.

Especially find out the chores she really hates to do and make it your number one priority to ensure she never has to do them. Your goal should be that your female leader doesn’t have to lift a finger, doesn’t have to stress about doing things, so that she can focus on her leadership of the relationship.

  1. Learn

Focus on her, listen carefully to what she says, watch her reactions, be aware of what is going on. Be present. Watch for signals. What is pleasing her? Put aside your ego and accept her corrections and discipline as positive training. The better you get at serving her, the happier she will be, the stronger your partnership will be.

Look to continually improve, be a gentleman. Learn to charm her, romance her, continually surprise her, find new ways to show your devotion, to show you care. Forget who might be watching, what people might think, just think about pleasing her.

  1. Serve the Goddess

Set aside your kinks and selfish fantasies in favour of her absolute satisfaction. Learn to control your sexual urges and be a gentleman about it. Learn to channel your sexual energy, rather than focussing on your own self-satisfaction and selfish release, repurpose your life to focus on her satisfaction. Hand over control of your sexuality and sex life to your female leader.

Learn to pamper your Goddess outside the bedroom, wait on her, be her loyal and devoted butler. Proactively offer massages, fetch and carry for her, make her feel like a pampered Goddess. Do this – not as a means of earning rewards and your own selfish satisfaction, but for her satisfaction, for the joy of service itself. Give, and you will receive.


A female led relationship isn’t about kinks

A female led relationship (FLR) is not about your kinks. It’s about her.

A Dominant woman is not a fetish dispenser, she is a Goddess to be obeyed.

So you have a thing for feet? Great, so do many men. Maybe one day, when the time is right, you can have an open chat with your Dominant about it.

Until then, focus on obeying her, pleasing her and making her happy. She will explore your kinks, if she wants to, on her terms. She’s much more likely to if you are dedicating your life to serving her. Embrace her leadership and immerse yourself in service.