A gentle introduction to female led relationships
Single men, get yourself ready for service!
Single men with submissive desires should prepare themselves for a lifetime of service under female leadership.
Consider adding these skills to make yourself more attractive to your future Dominant wife, add any additional skills in the comments: Continue reading “How single men can prepare for a life of Female Leadership”
Women can dominate men’s life in different ways within a Female Led Relationship.
I found the About FLR website a useful resource when I was learning about Female Led Relationships. In particular, I liked the five food groups. It’s useful when a man is maturing as a submissive and waking up to the fact that a FLR is about service first, not kink.
In fact, I would argue that any couple, within a FLR or not, should discuss the five food groups before a long term relationship, and certainly before living together.
The basic premise is that a couple will argue and friction stems from five key areas, and by discussing and conceding the lead on these five areas to the Female Dominant, the couple has a much more peaceful dynamic and deep understanding of their roles. It’s not a prescriptive formula – but great for discussion, especially when starting out.
The Five Food groups described by AboutFLR are Money, Life Direction, Free Time, Housework and Sex. The website recommends that the Dominant decides how much control she wishes to exert over these five areas dependent on HER wishes.
It might be simple high level oversight or tight micromanagement or somewhere in between. Her decision. Again, to stress it’s just for stimulating conversation on topics that couples argue most about, it’s not a prescription.
The five food groups are as follows:
For me this has nothing to do with “Findomme” or fetishising money or power, but simply that the Dominant might want to exert her control over financial decision making. Maybe from complete control and allowing the male submissive husband an allowance or just approval for major purchases, whatever level of control she desires. Money is a huge area of conflict for many couples, so the man conceding final power to the woman makes for a much more harmonious relationship.
Life direction refers to major life decisions such as moving house, changing jobs or moving to another area. Again, as with money, another source of potential conflict. In some Female Led Relationships the woman has final say on overall life direction and the major decisions of the couple. The submissive man might voice his opinion respectfully, but ultimately the Dominant has final say and makes the decisions for both of them. If the man’s opinion differs from his Dominant, he concedes to her authority because he knows she will make a decision in the best interests of the couple.
This area might create a source of conflict for some couples. What does the man do with his spare time? Some women in patriarchal relationships are sport or hobby widows, losing their partner for an entire weekend playing sports or pursuing their interests. In contrast, in a Female Led Dynamic the female leader might decide how he spends his time. Cleaning the house or pampering her perhaps! Pursuing interests might be a special treat for good behaviour. Whatever happens, the woman decides. Her control and smarter decision making strengthens the relationship for both of them.
In a female dominated relationship the man lives to serve the woman’s needs and make her life easier. She may choose that he helps with housework, that he does the items she doesn’t enjoy doing, or for some couples the Woman outsources all housework, chores and life admin to her submissive husband. Anything to make her happy. A man can follow lists and standing orders, with periodic checks for quality, whilst the woman can either relax or get on with something more interesting.
Finally, the woman’s pleasure comes first in a female led relationship. Sex is always on her terms and focussed on her pleasure or what she wants to do. For many couples in a Female Led Dynamic the woman decides if or when the man receives pleasure or an orgasm. Some couples use chastity devices as a means of emphasising the woman’s power. In this instance a man can’t even get an erection without her permission. Submissive men can be trained to provide sexual service to their partner without any need for reciprocation for the man. The submissive man in a FLR should always accept his partner’s advances, learn her preferences, and always follow her lead. For many submissive men, to give is to receive, giving their Dominant pleasure gives them an enormous amount of pleasure.
As I mentioned above, I believe every relationship, FLR or not, should consider these five good groups.
For some reading this, you might seem bewildered why a man might seek this servitude and slave like life, but for a submissive man, it is his life’s desire, to be under the command of a truly dominant woman.
According to the Cambridge dictionary, Pamper means:
“To give someone special treatment, making that person as comfortable as possible and giving them whatever they want”
A Female Led pamper weekend is an opportunity to wait on your Goddess hand and foot and give her whatever she wants for the whole weekend. 48 hours of dedicated servitude.
For some Female Led couples, they don’t need a special “Pamper weekend”, the dominant leads what might be considered a pampered life anyway. She can click her fingers 24/7/365 and get what she wants.
But for those wishing to explore a Female Led Relationship further or wishing to rekindle female led feelings a Pamper Weekend is an ideal method to indulge in a full female led dynamic.
For the submissive man wishing to encourage his partner to explore a FLR – it is an opportunity to show his Goddess how he would like to treat her, serving her and putting her first at all times. The dominant gets what she wants, when she wants, on her terms and with total obedience. Bliss!
For the Dominant woman exploring or curious about a Female Led Dynamic, it is a good opportunity to experiment for a short period of time and get a feel for both the power and the enjoyment a FLR can bring without committing to a full life change.
This article includes some things to think about when preparing a pamper weekend. These are just ideas, you will need to tailor them to your relationship and dynamic.
The first step is to send an invitation. This turns it from ‘just an idea’ to an actual event. You can use a proper invitation card, a letter or online invitation. I created the image below using canva.com a free online graphic design tool. There are hundreds of apps and websites that do similar things. Whichever method you choose, make it special, make it a real event to look forward to. It means you are serious and it helps build up excitement about the whole event.
Notice on the image that the “menu and itinerary” are to follow. The goal is to build a magical weekend of service to delight the Dominant. The Dominant woman chooses what happens. This is not a shortcut to living your fantasies – it’s service for HER.
Once she accepts your invitation the next step to build her ideal pamper weekend. To help her with this process build a menu of her favourite things to do and things that you think will make her happy.
For example I wrote the following letter:
“You are cordially invited to a personalised pamper weekend. The special weekend service will run from 8am on Saturday [Date] until Midnight on Sunday [Date].
Please let me know your preferences using this form so that a personalised itinerary and menu can be prepared. The goal is that you relax and enjoy a hedonistic weekend knowing that all of your personal needs are being met.
This document includes ideas for your pampering weekend. These are just ideas, please feel free to edit or add any elements you wish. Afterall, it’s YOUR pampering weekend.
The goal is that you perform no work or household chores over this weekend. You must relax, be pampered and waited on.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.etc “
I then included planned activities and activities available on demand.
Ideas for planned activities:
The goal is that these ideas inspire your Dominant to choose her ideal day. It’s a lot easier to be inspired by reading other ideas rather than staring at a blank page. You are making her life easier and also showing you have put some thought into it. Especially if they are things you know she would enjoy. It’s now up to her to decide, make this easier by printing out the options and giving her a pen to write your instructions, if she prefers.
As well as these planned activities which might take some planning and preparation there are also some “on demand” activities your Dominant might love to receive at the click of her fingers. Again, make this all about HER and not your kinks and fantasies.
On-demand service ideas:
Again, make it easy for the Dominant woman in your life to make her choices. She might surprise you with what she demands. It’s a great way to understand what she would really appreciate. Be prepared that she might tear up your ideas and create something completely different, but if you have chosen your options carefully she will appreciate the thought.
Finally, suggest a list of ideal meals that you will cook over the pamper weekend. Include aperitifs, breakfasts, lunches, dinners and desserts will all of her favourites. This might include pushing your skills to new places, but it’s all part of delivering good service.
Once she has instructed you of her preferences it is now time to build her ideal weekend. Write out the itinerary and menus properly. Again, like the invite this is to make it a special weekend and demonstrates you are taking it seriously and making an effort. You are telling her you WANT to do this.
The next step is prepare everything and deliver the pamper weekend. This is your time to show your devotion and do everything you promised, plus anything else she asks. It’s very likely she’ll enjoy the time in charge and be extra bossy, taking advantage of the offer of service. Especially as she knows it’s only for a weekend.
You are going to be busy serving so don’t forget to plan your day. Whilst she is lounging in bed eating breakfast in bed what could you be getting ready? What jobs could you do whilst she is soaking in the bath? You are going to be working hard serving her whilst also doing all the weekend chores like washing and cleaning so that she doesn’t have to. Forget about any of your own hobbies or social activities – you’ll be busy being her servant.
You might also consider buying a small bell so that she can ring it whenever she needs anything. It really adds a special magic to the Dominant/servant dynamic for the weekend.
Finally, you’ll need to manage your energy. The Goddess needs an obedient and responsive servant for her pamper weekend, not an exhausted zombie! Be ready for the hard work of doing everything and being at the beck and call of a Goddess.
Finally, once you have finished the pamper weekend I recommend following up a few days later to understand her reaction. Politely ask the following questions:
As before, make it easy for her to respond by printing out the questions or sending them in a message for her to take her time answering. It is not your place to demand feedback, but if you ask nicely stating that you want to improve for next time she might give you some pointers. Most importantly she might also let you serve her again soon!
In my next article I’ll share my experiences of following this process to deliver a pamper weekend and let you know how it went! Let me know in the comments if you have any other recommendations for an ideal FLR pamper weekend.
For many Female Led couples their dynamic is a private affair.
In public, the man might be a polite gentleman. The lady might receive the odd comment about “wearing the trousers” or “isn’t he well trained?” but otherwise their dynamic is a secret.
Then, behind closed doors, when the world is shut away, he is her servant.
So, the woman of the house returning home is a significant phase in everyday life, when she returns home and closes the door, the FLR lovers can truly be themselves. It’s an important moment to remember the man’s subservient role, reconnect with each other, and reinforce the Female Led dynamic.
This article covers some ideas to think about to make her return home as pleasant and relaxing as possible. As always, these are just ideas, what’s always most important at all times is HER needs.
Imagine the neanderthal man, watching sport or playing on the games console with a beer perched on his belly. Barely acknowledging his wife as she comes home. What a dreadful thought!
The leader of a Female Led dynamic deserves your undivided attention and respect when she returns home. Demonstrate that you are utterly focussed on her homecoming in the following ways:
Charlotte says:
“I want to be greeted with a big hug then have him drop to his knees to kiss my feet. I then want him to offer his services to me and do anything I ask. Once instructions have been given, I like to sit on the sofa while he goes off and makes me a drink. Once he’s back with my drink he will give me a good foot rub while we talk about our day. It is his undivided attention that I like.”
Silken writes:
“If I have left no specific instructions then I would expect My submissive to be kneeling, smiling with an eagerness in his eyes, waiting for Me to walk in the door. I don’t think there is much in this world more beautiful than that. A drink waiting, the house clean and the scent of dinner cooking will always be appreciated as well. An important aspect for Me is genuine effort… I want to know by your attitude and actions that you are honoured to be allowed to serve, and that you are focused on pleasing Me. If your actions are simply perfunctory don’t bother. The rest is icing, always keeping your Domme’s preferences in mind, if you’re given leeway to improvise there are endless possibilities…”
Sarah writes:
It’s nearly always him returning home to me and we have protocols. When he returns home, he must go straight into the shower, shave and put on my favourite aftershave I buy for him. Then he puts on his collar and must come downstairs naked and kneel at my feet ready to serve.
If the occasion is in reverse which is rare then yes, we do have a welcoming home ritual. I will inform him of my estimated time of arrival around an hour in advance and I expect the house spotless tidy and a bath drawn ready for me with my evening negligee and lingerie ready for me to slip into. He’s very creative around my bath scene with Yankee candles, warm towels, lotions and bath bombs etc. all prepared for me.
On arrival through the door, I expect him as before, clean from a shower, shaved, smelling of my chosen fragrance for him, collared and naked in his slave position facing the front door. This is on his knees nose to the floor arms stretched out in front. I open the door to him in this position and click my fingers which brings him up to his knees where I expect eye contact and a smile, I smile back but firmly point down and this will signal for him to kiss my footwear. He will then take my bags and coat while I walk in and drop anything else for him to quickly tidy away.
The house layout, furniture, decorations etc are in my style and is a very feminine space with a male servant there waiting for me. It’s very satisfying and a pleasing environment for me to return to as it should be for the female of the house. Its great if I’ve had a stressful day to come home to that and just drop everything including my knickers and be served and pleasured by a willing submissive male in my world.
Valeria says:
“We have a wonderful routine when I get back from work. I insist on a big kiss and a hug when I get home. Hubby then kisses my feet to remind him of his place in my life and takes my bag and coat. My favourite time is when I relax with a glass of something bubbly whilst he massages my feet, and we talk about our day. He then eats my pussy whilst I relax on the sofa. He is usually very pleased to see me and it’s always very hot to feel his passion. Hubby then makes dinner and waits on me so I can catch up with family and friends. He then clears up after dinner whilst I take a bath or watch Netflix. He loves serving me and I love his attentiveness. FLR is a wonderful dynamic.”
A good subby husband clears up after his wife and makes her life easier, when a dominant drops her clothes on the floor as she undresses, she should be able to relax knowing that her servant will not only pick up after her, but also clean, dry, iron and store her laundry without even asking.
Hopefully these ideas will inspire better service for when the lady of the house returns.
What ideas would you recommend to help your Dominant relax on her return home or reconnect with your sub? Please leave a comment below.
Being obedient to a Dominant woman and living a life of servitude under her leadership can provide submissive men an enormous sense of calm and deep-rooted feeling of contentment. Serving women in a FLR gives men purpose.
His new role in life, when he becomes a partner to a Dominant woman, is to serve.
Through his dedicated service he gains great clarity about what his life is all about, why he exists, what life is for. He exists to serve her. His goal in life is to obey and please. By meeting this goal, obeying her wishes and pleasing her, he reaches fulfilment in his life. His life has meaning.
Many men get distracted as to what their goal is, perhaps by embarrassment at being submissive or the expectations of friends, family and society as to “what a man is”. True happiness comes from recognising that submission is natural and society expectations are toxic.
The role of the dominant is to remind him of his purpose and keep him on track. Like an overexcited puppy straining at the leash, sometimes a light tug in the right direction is all that is needed to remind him of his place in your life, at your feet.
From a dominant woman seeking a man with purpose:
“I want a man that understands obedience. I want a man that structures his whole life around making me happy. My man will follow my rules every day and will always be striving to please me. Through serving me, his life will have real focus and purpose. My man will wholeheartedly accept my training to make him a better husband. He will be my bitch, and he will gain an enormous sense of purpose, calm and wellbeing by being my bitch”
With this clarity of purpose comes an enormous sense of calm, focus and wellbeing. The submissive man has one goal, to follow her rules and be as attentive and considerate as he can.
He can relax, knowing that she is in charge and she will take care of the important decision making. Of course, if permitted he can add his well-considered and polite input, but ultimately, he can relax knowing, as the leader, she will make the best decisions for both of them. By letting go of major decision making and focussing on service, a submissive man can attain an enormous sense of calm and contentedness in his life.
For women wanted to lead in their relationships there are three simple elements to consider providing your man a sense of purpose, and therefore happiness:
Many women create unique reward and punishment systems to modify the behaviour of their submissive man over time. As with all things FLR, there is no right way or wrong way to do this. It’s your relationship and you are the boss, but it is recommended that you set standards and provide crystal clear feedback.
Finally, control is maintained by keeping your submissive in a subservient state of mind. Dominants use their authority to “snap” him into the right mindset. For example, Female-Led-Couple writes:
“He comes out of subspace to go to work or to go out away from me, other than that no, at home I expect and require him to be in a heightened state of submission and service to me. I keep him under my control when in my presence at all times. When he returns home, I simply click my fingers and offer my heels or feet to lick to bring him back under my spell.”
By knowing where he stands at all times, he can focus on pleasing you and following your leadership and live a happy and fulfilling life of service.
For men who acknowledge female leadership and the benefits of a female led relationship, here are five ways to serve her to make her life easier and more enjoyable.
As with all other advice on this site, these are just ideas, ultimately it is about making your partner happy and following her lead. It’s all about her; listen carefully to what she wants, what makes her happy and take action.
Simply put, do what she says. A female led relationship is not about the enactment of your male fantasies, it is the re-focussing of your entire life for the benefit of a Dominant woman. Male submission is not weakness, it takes great strength of character to openly accept female leadership in your relationship. It also means putting aside your ego, the norms in your upbringing and society expectations in exchange for living out your real purpose. Allow her to take the lead in all things, be obedient to her will, learn her ways, embrace her rules and preferences. Watch her leadership blossom as you concede to her growing dominance. Enjoy the immense fulfilment and sense of life purpose by focussing your life entirely on her.
Much conflict in relationships stems from disagreements over money, household chores or how couples spend their time. In a female led relationship, the man can relax and let the woman have final say on all major decision making. It’s not that your opinion is not important, just that your partnership is best if the woman in your life has final say on everything. She’ll make the best decision for the both of you.
She’s the manager, you are the subordinate. You work as a team, but ultimately, she is in charge. This open and agreed balance of power makes for a much more fulfilling and harmonious relationship. Major decisions or changes should not be made without her approval, let her take the lead and respect her decisions. Relax, knowing that she knows what is best for you, and just focus on your service to her.
Do as much as the housework as possible, do it to a standard that makes her smile.
Being the leader can be tough, so shoulder as much of the menial work and day to day chores as possible to make her life easier. Real men know that the more they do, the happier their partner will be. Be a man about it and step up and do as much as possible so she doesn’t have to. Put aside chauvinistic stereotypes and do more than your partner, do it gladly and make her happy.
Especially find out the chores she really hates to do and make it your number one priority to ensure she never has to do them. Your goal should be that your female leader doesn’t have to lift a finger, doesn’t have to stress about doing things, so that she can focus on her leadership of the relationship.
Focus on her, listen carefully to what she says, watch her reactions, be aware of what is going on. Be present. Watch for signals. What is pleasing her? Put aside your ego and accept her corrections and discipline as positive training. The better you get at serving her, the happier she will be, the stronger your partnership will be.
Look to continually improve, be a gentleman. Learn to charm her, romance her, continually surprise her, find new ways to show your devotion, to show you care. Forget who might be watching, what people might think, just think about pleasing her.
Set aside your kinks and selfish fantasies in favour of her absolute satisfaction. Learn to control your sexual urges and be a gentleman about it. Learn to channel your sexual energy, rather than focussing on your own self-satisfaction and selfish release, repurpose your life to focus on her satisfaction. Hand over control of your sexuality and sex life to your female leader.
Learn to pamper your Goddess outside the bedroom, wait on her, be her loyal and devoted butler. Proactively offer massages, fetch and carry for her, make her feel like a pampered Goddess. Do this – not as a means of earning rewards and your own selfish satisfaction, but for her satisfaction, for the joy of service itself. Give, and you will receive.
